The Worst Christmas EVER!

by O2BIrish


It’s the week before Christmas, the office mood stinks.

There’s rumors about that the firm has been jinxed.

An event has occurred causing tempers to burn.

It all started when JIM THE BOSS made his return.


Some six months ago certain things had transpired

That resulted in JIM being speedily fired.

A few asked his manager why he was gone.

But the rest said, “Who cares? We can now party on!”


They met in his office, now empty and bare,

And ate and imbibed, all with nary a care.

As the group carried on, JIM was standing outside

With his bottom still red from his trebuchet ride.


JIM knew he would have to go find a new job.

But just how to get one would make his head throb.

He called the recruiters, each one turned him down.

It appeared there’s a network that spanned the whole town.


They heard of how JIM treated those he had led.

Every one told of how they would rather be dead.

So who’d work with JIM and ignored the town’s ban?

‘Twas a guy working out of the back of his van.


“Jim, baby,” the guy said with eyes all a-gleam,

“I’ll find you a job that you’ll say is a dream.

There’s recruiters at firms both quite near and quite far.

They’ll be happy to find out the catch that you are.”


He called up those firms with the acronym names

And told of JIM’s assets – the ones that he claims.

“You mean THE JIM THE BOSS?!? There’s no way!!!” they all cried.

The guy kept this up ‘til his cell phone had died.


JIM got so concerned when this calling was through.

As he left, said the guy, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you.”

So JIM waited and waited and waited some more.

After months, he thought waiting was really a chore.


Then one day the phone rang! Hey, could this be the guy?

‘Twas his old boss! He wanted JIM back again!!! Why?

Did his miss JIM’s unique micromanaging style?

His casual Friday thong? Sinister smile?


On Monday, JIM back to his office returned

To the place his departure he thought was unearned.

He walked to the site of his old boss’s suite

And the strangest of sights he proceeded to meet.


There he saw his old boss who had bid him adieu.

But his face – his whole body’s a bright shade of blue.

With JIM’s firing, the plan had a really big flaw.

It appears that JIM’s boss was his brother-in-law.


When JIM’s sister had heard what her husband had done,

She’d reject his affections, his moves, every one!

She would make him go sleep on the sofa each night

While she slept in the bedroom with doors locked so tight.


She kept this act going for evenings on end.

He would plead and he’d plead, but she just wouldn’t bend.

Certain parts of his body began to turn blue

So he begged of his wife, “Tell me, what I can do?!?”


“You must hire him back on, bring him back to your fold,

Or that sofa you sleep on is going to get old.”

So he asked JIM to come back. A saint he portrayed,

While what he had wanted was just to get laid.


So now JIM was back, his career’s not in flux,

And morale at the company? Well, now it sucks.

I’d say it’s JIM’s sister we all have to thank,

Because what would it be without JIM in the Tank?


So as twenty-nineteen is drawn to a swift close,

Let’s hope twenty-twenty is not one that blows.

To Mewe and Reddit and Facebooking Fish,

A prosperous New Year’s my poetic wish.


O2BIrish 12/17/19