The O2BIrish Christmas Poem 2015

"One Really Bad Upper Management Decision"

‘Twas the week before Christmas up at the North Pole.
The elves were in trouble. They can’t reach their goal.
The tablets they’re building have got them distracted.
Thus making their quota adversely impacted.

The news hit the shop from the Claus’s estate
That Santa is feeling not really too great.
He’s got an infection. It might be the flu.
We can’t have a sleigh that is filled up with poo!

Santa’s bringing in help on the management end.
On the memo board, up went this note neatly penned:
“To keep the North Pole’s bottom line from a loss,
We’ve an interim Santa. He’s called JIM THE BOSS.”

When JIM had arrived in his personal jet,
While deplaning, his eyes grew just as big as they’d get.
There’s something that reached to the depths of his soul –
Just a few feet away was the shiny North Pole!

With no fear of a polar bear or of a yeti
He stripped to a fur covered thong, hot and sweaty.
As quick as an ox with the grace of a duck,
JIM jumped on the pole and he promptly got stuck.

He hung for a minute, unsure what to do,
But he knew doing nothing would leave him so screwed.
So he started to talk about management themes
And theories of business in JIM-like extremes.

Projections, employees and job motivation
With trebuchet rides that relieve his frustration.
Within a few minutes he soon came unglued
That pole got red hot from the hot air he spewed.

Now on to the elves - their production he’d fix.
He went to the workshop to use his old tricks.
To cut down on surfing on tablets, that dog
Allowed access to just the old JIMISBOSS blog.

So chained to their bench with no surfing to do,
The elves met their goal, and met next year’s goal too!
The twenty-fourth came! On that cold Christmas Eve,
JIM thought that it finally was his time to leave.

But Santa reminded him he wasn’t done.
There’s deliveries to make, and yes, JIM, you’re the one!
Though manual work was a work that JIM hated,
There’s no way that this job would be delegated.

JIM put on the Santa suit best that he can,
And he really looked like a red Michelin Man.
They loaded the sleigh, Santa JIM jumped inside.
The reindeer tried taking off. Really – they tried.

The weight that JIM added had made it too heavy.
‘Twas like the nine reindeer were lifting a Chevy.
More reindeer were needed assisting the herd,
So more came from the barn. Yes, the scene was absurd.

The reindeer they brought in were not on the team.
Just check out their names and you’ll see what I mean:
There’s Tubby and Peg-Leg and Pokey and Skunk
And Scuzzy and Sad Sack and Otis the Drunk.

The elves hitched them up to the rest of the team.
When they finally took off, they heard Santa JIM scream!
JIM knew it was gonna be one of those nights.
In the sleigh, JIM discovered his great fear of heights.

And so as the Santa sleigh flew through the skies,
Its pilot had fearfully covered his eyes.
The reindeer soon stopped at the very first house
With no help from their pilot, that shivering louse!

JIM opened his eyes, grabbed some gifts and he sighed.
It was time to prepare for his first chimney slide.
“In the dark finding chimneys ain’t easy,“ JIM spoke.
“So I guess I will simply just look for some smoke.”

Some smoke he found quickly, a great stroke of luck.
But sliding down, Santa JIM quickly got stuck.
Smoke filled up the house, people ran out all choking.
One yelled, “I must call the police! I’m not joking!”

The cops all came in and they hauled JIM away.
While Santa Claus came in upon his spare sleigh.
Since JIM’s job performance was less than desired,
He yelled out, “HEY, JIM THE BOSS! YOU ARE SO FIRED!!!”

So Santa climbed into his primary sleigh
And before long the he quickly had flown on his way.
Along with the toys filling up his large sack,
There's Pepto and Theraflu tucked in the back.

Although it appeared that the outlook was grim,
That Christmas was saved, with no help from our JIM.
But next time that Santa is sick and in bed,
I’m sure that he’ll use a big drone fleet instead.

Merry Christmas* and Happy New Year** to all the Tank Readers from O2BIrish!!!

* or whatever holiday you celebrate...
** I'm pretty sure everyone celebrates New Year's Day