A
Day in the Tank
It’s
the week before Christmas in Framingham, Mass.
A
web server’s humming. We know it’s first class.
The
one that’s so dear to us, highest of rank
Is
the one that is set up for hosting the Tank.
The
story that Sharky has put on the site
Has
received his approval. He thinks it’s alright.
He
reads the submissions. He does every day.
And
as he reviews them, they all hear him say:
“I
really like this one… ‘twill get lots of yuks.”
“This
one’s just okay. “ “Man!This one really sucks!”
He
rewrote the story to give it his touch,
Removing
the names, the employers, and such.
He’s
emailed Ken Gagne, that vigilant sentry.
“Included
is this day’s amazing new entry.”
Ken
said, “It’s so good that it will not be shelved.
I
will schedule it so it appears at 8:12.”
His
post time’s a pattern. He’s got it down pat
Except
every Tuesday. (Dude, what’s up with that?)
And
so it appears, just so shiny and clean.
I
usually see it about 8:19.
For
just as it shows up, my brain goes in motion.
I
put up my rhyme, once I get the right notion.
But
then, all those posters! There’s some hard to handle
To
which other blogs sure cannot hold a candle.
“Their
comments? I’m sure that they’ll all be on-topic.”
Computerworld’s
thinking? That thinking’s myopic!
What
really gets posted, much to their chagrin is
The
gamut from Modifakes, YouTube to Guinness.
Trap
posts really early. He’s quite an amigo.
At
one time, Jean Claude was his fake alter-ego.
The
Arch Demon comes in. And his main claim to fame
Is
he really likes strippers and typing his name.
There’s
JIM THE BOSS. We know his spelling’s all wrong.
On
Casual Fridays, he’s wearing a thong.
There’s
F L U F, who of late’s been a foreigner
From
when he saw Baby get stuck in a corner.
Mad
Hatter likes robots and androids so sleek.
He’s
already read this poem sometime next week.
There’s
Moanique and Babmbi who work at the Lido.
Their
job is to sate the Arch Demon’s libido.
There’s
Shorty Girl. We know she hasn’t much heft.
She
likes watching cars that will only turn left.
Some
posters, you might not enjoy as a neighbor
Like
senator Bluto, alumnus from Faber.
Then
Unkk is a guy who won’t know what to do
When
the shuttle gets grounded. He writes great haiku.
The
Anonymous Limricist’s really complex.
He
calls inept users an Oedipus Rex.
There’s
one with a handle that some call quite weighty -
Square
root of the cosine of one hundred eighty.
We’ve
got Stanley Kubrick. We’ve got textechgeek
All
leaving their insights in nerdy tech-speak.
Electronic
Avenger, the Tank’s superhero,
And
Digital Willie and zero slash zero.
We’ve
got Captain Obvious. There’s landsend3
Plus
Jim but not THE Jim, Dan Clamage and e.
There’s
magek and Fatman and Bogey and Stryker
And
Meadhbh (She is Irish! I like her!)
There’s
mad bad bear box. This guy works when it’s scary
Like
binab his buddy, and like LateNightLarry.
There’s
Wichitan, EMK, Arch Boss and Vroomed,
The
Wrench in the Works, and there’s more, it’s assumed.
We
don’t have the one type we know is the worst:
It’s
that idiot poster who has to type “FIRST!”
They’ll
all post their comments, some strange and some gory.
A
few of them even relate to the story.
There’s
lots of non-posters. They’re really just lurking.
They’re
like us: Tank surfing is better than working!
I
know there are some who this poem has missed.
Please
don’t get the feeling that you have been dissed.
Believe
me, I tried to, I have to admit.
The
meter your handle has just will not fit.
And
as for this poet, it’s been quite a year
For
writing in forms once used by Edward Lear.
I
won Ebert’s contest. The vict’ry was sweet.
(Joyce
Carpenter voted for me, said a Tweet)
Soon
after, still hot from by first lim’rick coup,
I
was featured for poems in our town’s “Joke’s on You.”
The
front page! A feature! I’m really not lyin’!
I
even got more space than Conan O’Brien.
Computerworld
put out a “Best of Tank” doc.
There's
four poems included of mine. What a shock!
September
I won, after three other tries
A
contest by those with the Ig Nobel prize.
I
would not have won them. It’s really quite clear
If
I hadn’t been posting rhymes here for two years.
So
I have a greeting for all on this site:
”Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"