The O2BIrish Christmas Special #3


A Day in the Tank


It’s the week before Christmas in Framingham, Mass.

A web server’s humming. We know it’s first class.

The one that’s so dear to us, highest of rank

Is the one that is set up for hosting the Tank.


The story that Sharky has put on the site

Has received his approval. He thinks it’s alright.

He reads the submissions. He does every day.

And as he reviews them, they all hear him say:


“I really like this one… ‘twill get lots of yuks.”

“This one’s just okay. “ “Man!This one really sucks!”

He rewrote the story to give it his touch,

Removing the names, the employers, and such.


He’s emailed Ken Gagne, that vigilant sentry.

“Included is this day’s amazing new entry.”

Ken said, “It’s so good that it will not be shelved.

I will schedule it so it appears at 8:12.”


His post time’s a pattern. He’s got it down pat

Except every Tuesday. (Dude, what’s up with that?)

And so it appears, just so shiny and clean.

I usually see it about 8:19.


For just as it shows up, my brain goes in motion.

I put up my rhyme, once I get the right notion.

But then, all those posters! There’s some hard to handle

To which other blogs sure cannot hold a candle.


“Their comments? I’m sure that they’ll all be on-topic.”

Computerworld’s thinking? That thinking’s myopic!

What really gets posted, much to their chagrin is

The gamut from Modifakes, YouTube to Guinness.


Trap posts really early. He’s quite an amigo.

At one time, Jean Claude was his fake alter-ego.

The Arch Demon comes in. And his main claim to fame

Is he really likes strippers and typing his name.


There’s JIM THE BOSS. We know his spelling’s all wrong.

On Casual Fridays, he’s wearing a thong.

There’s F L U F, who of late’s been a foreigner

From when he saw Baby get stuck in a corner.


Mad Hatter likes robots and androids so sleek.

He’s already read this poem sometime next week.

There’s Moanique and Babmbi who work at the Lido.

Their job is to sate the Arch Demon’s libido.


There’s Shorty Girl. We know she hasn’t much heft.

She likes watching cars that will only turn left.

Some posters, you might not enjoy as a neighbor

Like senator Bluto, alumnus from Faber.


Then Unkk is a guy who won’t know what to do

When the shuttle gets grounded. He writes great haiku.

The Anonymous Limricist’s really complex.

He calls inept users an Oedipus Rex.


There’s one with a handle that some call quite weighty -

Square root of the cosine of one hundred eighty.

We’ve got Stanley Kubrick. We’ve got textechgeek

All leaving their insights in nerdy tech-speak.


Electronic Avenger, the Tank’s superhero,

And Digital Willie and zero slash zero.

We’ve got Captain Obvious. There’s landsend3

Plus Jim but not THE Jim, Dan Clamage and e.


There’s magek and Fatman and Bogey and Stryker

And Meadhbh (She is Irish! I like her!)

There’s mad bad bear box. This guy works when it’s scary

Like binab his buddy, and like LateNightLarry.


There’s Wichitan, EMK, Arch Boss and Vroomed,

The Wrench in the Works, and there’s more, it’s assumed.

We don’t have the one type we know is the worst:

It’s that idiot poster who has to type “FIRST!”


They’ll all post their comments, some strange and some gory.

A few of them even relate to the story.

There’s lots of non-posters. They’re really just lurking.

They’re like us: Tank surfing is better than working!


I know there are some who this poem has missed.

Please don’t get the feeling that you have been dissed.

Believe me, I tried to, I have to admit.

The meter your handle has just will not fit.


And as for this poet, it’s been quite a year

For writing in forms once used by Edward Lear.

I won Ebert’s contest. The vict’ry was sweet.

(Joyce Carpenter voted for me, said a Tweet)


Soon after, still hot from by first lim’rick coup,

I was featured for poems in our town’s “Joke’s on You.”

The front page! A feature! I’m really not lyin’!

I even got more space than Conan O’Brien.


Computerworld put out a “Best of Tank” doc.

There's four poems included of mine. What a shock!

September I won, after three other tries

A contest by those with the Ig Nobel prize.


I would not have won them. It’s really quite clear

If I hadn’t been posting rhymes here for two years.

So I have a greeting for all on this site:

”Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"