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Roger Ebert's
Journal

Final voting round in the
Great Limerick Contest!

¶

¶

Readers, you are now requested to selected one of the
three finalists for the Great Limerick Contest. I listed
them before in alphabetical order. Now I list them in
reverse alphabetical. Gary in Phoenix remains in the
middle, but what can I do? They are:

√ O2Blrish

√ Gary in Phoenix, Ariz.

√ Roberta S

in reverse alphabetical. Gary in Phoenix remains in the
middle, but what can I do?

Send your votes to [email-masked]

One word in the message line, exactly like this:
MYVOTE

(or myvote, have it your way).

The nominees have provided their photos, a brief bio,
and a sample of their work:

¶

√ O2BIrish

Ken "O2BIrish" Sheldon: I grew up in Central New York,
moving out in 2003 to
Elon, North Carolina. I have been
a baseball fan most of my life, and was
fortunate
enough to usher the Baseball Hall of Fame Game in
Cooperstown between 1984 and 2003 and again in 2008.
(twice when the Cubs played - or were supposedto play: in
2008, the last Hall of Fame Game, it rained...) I
graduated with a music degree from the Crane School of
Music which is a part of The State University of New York
at Potsdam, NY. During my time there, we supplied the
ceremonial music for the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake
Placid, NY (I sang in the chorus at the closing ceremonies
and was fortunate enough to witness first-hand the medal
ceremony for the USA hockey team). I am employed as
computer programmer and as a church musician, playing
piano, organ and handbells. I have been married to my wife
Shelley for 22 years, and have two sons, Patrick, age 18,
and Phillip, 16. I have been writing limericks for a bit
over a year.

My favorites of my entries:

1.

For years, many a wife and their hubbies,
From the
tallest to those who are chubby,
Have been getting
quite giggly
Each summer at Wrigley
While cheering
their home team, the Cubbies.

Every year we have hopes to advance
To the Series,
the October dance.
We have not won the crown
Since
our "Three-Finger" Brown
Played with "Tinker to Evers
to Chance."

There were times that it seemed like a plot
Like in
'32, when we were hot.
T'was in that year's
pursuit
That we saw Charlie Root
As he pitched the
Bambino's called shot.

'45 was a year we should note,
As historians
everywhere wrote
In a statement so terse
That the
Cubbies were cursed
By ejecting that poor billy
goat.

There's some hope yet, and there's a good
reason.
Six times since, we have made the
post-season.
I am sad to report
That they all came
up short.
There's some spirits we should be
appeasin'.

So as North Siders all do revere
Our dear Cubs,
here's our hope so sincere:
Like the Sox, White and
Red
May our curses be dead,
So that two thousand ten
is our year.

2.

Sue's a billiard nut. It's understood.
All her gear
is kept just like it should.
Every bridge, cue and
ball's
Neatly stored on the wall
In a case of the
finest of wood.

But the neighborhood carpenter Zach
Said, "I went
there a week or two back.
When I looked 'round the
place,
I got slapped in the face
When I told her she
had a nice rack."

3.

Once a governor we know as Blago
Had a seat from a
guy from Chicago.
It was put up for sale,
But then
Blago got nailed
Since that's not how the rules of the
law go.

¶

√ Gary in Phoenix, Ariz.

Brief description of myself: I'm a 55-year-old
Phoenician, a performing poet and Master of Ceremonies of
the local poetry event "Sonoran Bard Poetry Night," with
the aspiration of being Poet Laureate of the United States
some day, whose latest project, "Other Lives of Other
Poets," is the culmination of a text/image body of work
begun December 29, 2006.

Three of my favorite
entries:

Said the lass to the pastor, "Please marry us,
Or
all hope for heaven's precarious.
I can play with men's
sin
Like a fine violin,
Absent wedlock I must
straddle various."

Engaged to Snide Eddie, a
Gnostic,
Evelina was equally caustic.
Ego stung by
debate
Eddie j****d on his plate
While his FORMER
mate screamed--this acrostic.

A gambler at Santa
Anita
Wooed a silly but game señorita
With two sugar
cubes,
Which, applied to her pubes,
Won for both of
them La Dolce Vita.

¶

√ Roberta S

I'm shocked and beyond flattered by this. Attached
is my picture. I am probably best described as a failed
and now dilettante poet and writer who works in the field
of manufacturing automation, a lifelong Chicagoan, and a
great admirer of you, your journal, and its commenters.
Though I think I'm unlikely to win in the face of Gary in
Phoenix's fecund brilliance, please use the following 3 of
mine:

For five lines of lyrical nonsense
Most publishers
won't pay a tuppence
But thanks to this blog
Because
Ebert's a sly dog
They're about to get their
comeuppance

The limerick holds me in awe
Goes with swearing
like a crow with its caw
It's a form that well
weathers
The decades like Heathers'
"F*ck me gently
with a chainsaw"

There once was an Editor Vektrim
All he did with
my poems was reject 'em
I should send him a print
Of
these with the hint
Insert delicately into your
rectum

¶

The prizes:

The Prizes: All five winners will receive a small
original lithograph of bird, from the 19th century, and a
nice little book of Lear's Nonsense. (1) First prize
winner also receives a copy of the Edward Lear First Day
Cover issued on his Centenary, as illustrated, except
yours will come unsullied by an address. (2) Second prize
wins a tin plate decorated with Lear drawings as sold at
the great Lear Centenary Exhibition in 1988 at the Royal
Academy of the Arts. (3) Third prize wins a tin
collector's cup as sold at the same exhibition.

¶

Here are the original
993 entries..

¶

8 Comments

By Roger Ebert on December 12,
2009 1:45 PM

Ebert: Readers:

Vote NOW for the winners in the Great Limerick Contest!

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/final-voting-round-in-the-grea.html

Roger

By Bill Hays on December 12,
2009 2:22 PM

Reply to: a lifelong Chicagoan, and a great admirer of
you, your journal, and its commenters... Most publishers won't
pay a tuppence
But thanks to this blog
Because Ebert's a
sly dog
They're about to get their comeuppance

I suppose you need a certain amount of sucking up to reach
the Final Three.

By Brian James A. Mccarthy on December 12,
2009 10:41 PM

Awe inspiring Job, Roberta ! Expose the nudity at the core.
Rip away at the flesh of the beast- Show it for what it really
is !

By Roberta S on December 12,
2009 11:33 PM

Gosh, I dunno, Mr. Bill Hays. I just really enjoy the word
"tuppence".

By Keith
Carrizosa on December 13,
2009 4:57 PM

I'm glad I didn't win. I put absolutely no work into them
(although I liked mine best): just flipped through the
dictionary onto a word I liked and thought, "okay that's going
into the joke...whatever it's going to be" or I stole my jokes
from someone else and turned that into a different joke. They
were more jokes than limericks.

By Gary in Phoenix, Arizona on December 13,
2009 10:57 PM

To Roberta: Thanks for your gracious and generous mention
of me in your bio. I've just read your marvelously
take-the-high-road riposte of Mr. Hays's remark--Roberta,
"tuppence" IS quite a word, especially as a variant of
"tupping," which was used to effect by Iago in Shakespeare's
Othello. You were too classy, Roberta, to tell Mr. Hays
to Go Tup Himself, or even Go T*p Himself; since my classiness
has lapses (ask "Anonymous"!) (no hard feelings, "Anonymous",
honest), please allow me.

Go Tup Yourself, Bill Hays. Reader votes got Roberta her
Finalist status. And had you read and comprehended her bio,
you'd know her admiration is heartfelt; that she put the
prospect of winning aside to say something very nice about me;
that she's astonished and glad just to be here. Do you
disbelieve her? I don't; her words have the proverbial Ring Of
Truth. You go, Roberta!

Roberta, Ken, just so you know: I've urged people I know to
follow the link I provide to this page, read all three
finalists' limericks--and vote, not necessarily for me, but
for the one who writes the best limericks. I've told them that
I want heartily to win, but I want even more heartily to EARN
that win, and if I haven't earned it, I don't want it. May the
best limericist win!

By Ken "O2BIrish" Sheldon on December 14,
2009 8:26 AM

Gary & Roberta: Agreed! As I told many people
today:

Please, I want the voting to be on the up-and-up. Visit
the page, check out all three poets and vote for the one you
like best. If I win, I want it to be because a whole lot of
people thought I was the best, not because one person stuffed
the ballot box. I, and I’m sure Gary and Roberta as well,
thank you for your understanding in
this!

By Roberta S on December 14,
2009 11:14 AM

Gary, thanks for your supportive and funny words. I got a
chuckle out of Mr. Hays' comment, so that's why it didn't get
a rise out of me and why I, in fact, salute him.

I have taken this all as a lighthearted venture and am sort
of amused to see that some were perhaps more invested in it. I
didn't feel it necessary to post my c.v. or anything, but I do
have a literature based education and I have had my work
published over the years. So yeah, I guess I felt the need to
mention that now. Heh.

As both you and Ken have done, I posted a link on a forum
to which I belong and asked that anyone who votes does so with
no regard to their association with me and instead for
whomever they feel is the best.

Cheers to both of you and bravo for good sportsmanship!

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