It’s the month before Christmas. I work tech support.
All the phones ring like crazy. Our tempers are short.
It’s a month meant for family, friends and good cheer,
But some people who call are a pain in the ear.
There’s one caller we talk to that ties up the phones.
His misogynist rants cause us crying and moans.
All his screaming and shouting have made us all deaf.
And he goes by the cryptic name: F L U F.
The last time that he called and he talked to a girl
He was yelling and screaming and caused her to hurl.
Then he said he was coming to teach her a lesson.
So we made a plan. With my staff, don’t be messin’!
He burst in the office, just ranting and raving
With spit just a-spewing and frantic arm waving.
The girl on the front desk just did as I told.
She just sat there and took it. My gosh, was she bold!
When he called her a “warpig”, we came up behind him.
We ganged up and finally firmly confined him
And as he was rope-burned and tied to a chair,
He received quite an earful from everyone there.
From Asians and seniors and lifetime Mac users
To those who hate Windows, the types he calls losers.
I told him, “You fell for the Microsoft con.
So I’d like you to meet my pal. Here’s Trapper John.”
He said, “I speak the truth on OS’s like Linux,
Since I know that you are the biggest of cynics.”
He then, in a voice sounding just like Don Rickles,
Recited the wisdom of Steven Vaughan-Nichols.
Trap’s speech put our guest in the direst of straits
As he screamed of Steve Ballmer, Paul Allen, Bill Gates.
As he finished, Trap said, “Hey, you know for my buck,
Ubuntu beats Windows, you dumb hockey puck!”
Then we brought out this guy’s most severe opposition
When Babmbi appeared from behind a partition.
He saw she was dressed in the hottest black leather.
I thought she could knock this guy out with a feather.
She said to him, “I’ve heard your attitude’s haughty.
In my book, that means that you’ve been very naughty.
It’s time that your views about women got hip.”
Then the girls sprung to life with a crack of her whip.
First they had a young intern we call Ann Marie
Lighting pots all around him with fresh potpourri.
She then set up the DVD, darkened the room
And then Babmbi explained as F L U F fumed.
“Every week we show chick flicks for morale enhancing
Like ‘Terms of Endearment.’ Tonight’s ‘Dirty Dancing.’
We send out for dinner,” she calmly explained.
“For tonight, we have ordered a nice quiche Lorraine.
“We all eat and we talk and we get kind of crazy.
Who wouldn’t when watching that hunk Patrick Swayze?”
The movie began; the quiche went ‘round the room.
You could almost pass out from the potpourri fumes.
Then I turned and I said, “There’s some stuff I must
do.”
So I left him and called out a loud “Toodleoo!”
And he yelled back so loudly my ears almost bled,
“THE MINUTE I’M OUTTA HERE, YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!”
As I walked to my car, I let out a small laugh,
Seeing F L U F stuck in there with my staff.
Do I think he had changed from when we had begun?
I sincerely don’t think so, but gosh, it was fun!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the readers in the Shark Tank from O2BIrish