by O2BIrish
‘Twas
two days before Christmas, with curtains well drawn.
The
sunlight poked through at the break of the dawn.
In
the mansion’s huge bedroom, there sounded a yawn
That
scared every creature away. They’re all gone.
A
figure emerged from the bed with a gut.
He
walked to the bathroom a-scratching his butt.
As
we saw this guy give his face a
quick trim,
We
could see in the mirror: this butt scratcher’s JIM!
While
he shaved, he decided “I’ll spruce up this place!”
As
he stuck toilet paper to nicks on his face.
“Since
Christmas last year was so awful, it sucked,
I’ve
decided that Christmas this year will be ducked.
“I’ll
celebrate something! I’ll do that, at least.
this year, I’m holding a Festivus feast!
I
watched it on “Seinfeld!” I know what to do!
I’ll
call up my friend and my co-workers too!”
So
JIM called his aide, to her desk she’s still chained.
“I’m
holding a feast here tonight!” JIM explained.
“Everybody
must be here, so call everyone.
Tonight
it’s at seven! It’s going to be
fun!”
JIM
logged onto Google, the site he would troll
In
search of the ultimate Festivus pole.
He
soon found a pole seller just down the street
With
a price that this cheapskate knew couldn’t be beat.
He
brought the pole home, in his den ‘twas erected.
When
putting it up, JIM THE BOSS, he reflected:
“This
pole I could use every day of the week,
By
bringing here Babmbi and her friend Moanique.”
He
started to grin a big grin, ear to ear -
He
could use that himself when those girls were not here.
He
made sure that supports of the pole were so strong.
He
could dance with the thing while he’s wearing his thong!
He
called up his servants, to them gave a budget.
“Get
food for the feast! Here’s your limit! Don’t budge it!
They
went on their way in a search for some food.
“Don’t
blow it!” JIM yelled, “It better be good!”
When
the clock had struck seven, folks rolled in en-masse.
They
all were all techies with knowledge and class.
Clone7_
and Stryker, EKimball were first,
And JimButNotTheJim, through mansion doors burst.
Then
Vyper, Bruce Robb, Mr. Curtains and Jon,
Phipps Canpisio, Genny
G, Ernest came on.
MadHatter,
Darth Dana, and some HelpDeskMinion
And
Readem_andWeep and some drunken Virginian.
Larry
Adams, George Grimes, Joseph Danko, Mag M,
Karen
Szczytko and Scott Bicknese joined all of them.
The
DigitalFrog came, and Bascombe. It’s true!
Rich
Clemens, Jim Evans, Mark Jenkins came too,
Then
Trapper__John came dressed all proper and prim.
Some
might say on a bad day, he looks just like JIM.
These
folks kept arriving from near and
from far.
Since
JIM lied and told them “’T’will be open bar.”
When
the driveway activity finally ceased,
The
time had arrived for the Festivus Feast.
The
dinner bell rang and each guest took their seat
Expecting
to get something awesome to eat.
The
servants came out, each one holding a tray,
But
what the guests saw made them groan in dismay.
They
cried out in unison, “JIM, WHAT’S THE DEAL?
THE
FEAST JUST CONSISTS OF A KID’S HAPPY MEAL?!?”
The
group began grumbling, cursing and swearing,
And
everyone started their own Grievance Sharing.
“Jim
fired my brother!” “Jim treats us with scorn!”
“Jim
thinks that a pink slip is issued, not worn!”
“The
guy is a cheapskate!” “Of him we
are tired!”
“He
is the person that ought to be fired!”
“Decisions
that Jim makes are always so wrong!”
“He
looks like a blimp when he’s wearing that thong!”
“A
lesson for JIM we would all like to teach
Since
we don’t think that they make that strong a brain bleach.
This
lesson we teach, we will go any length
So
he will be feeling our group’s Feats of Strength!”
“LET’S
GET HIM!!!” they shouted, and off they all ran
With
JIM in the lead running fast as he can.
They
ran down the driveway, all through the estate
And
finally through the black wrought iron gate.
The
mob kept on running ‘til JIM found
a cop.
With
a wave of his hand, the group came to a stop.
“Oh,
Officer! Officer! Please stop this mob!
They’ve
chased me so long my head’s starting to throb!”
The
mob then related the Festivus feast,
And
all had agreed JIM THE BOSS was a beast.
The
officer said, “Folks, I cannot deny it.
I’m
taking him in for inciting a riot.”
The
mob all went back to JIM’s house, they were hopin’
The
gate at the front of the mansion’s still open.
They
raided his pantry, and then with a snicker,
They
emptied the cabinet storing his liquor.
When
the partiers all had their fill on that day,
They
got in their cars and they went on their way.
They
all had agreed, although JIM makes them scream,
Tonight
they all made just a heck of a team.
Thus
ends, fellow Tanksters, my holiday poem.
Safe
travels I wish, as the country we roam.
I
wish Happy *insert your holiday here*
And
hope twenty-fifteen’s a really great year!