Network's dragging! Of that, we are sick!
Did some sniffing, and that did the trick!
How'd the problem get canned?
Internet has been banned!
No more "JIM'S Motivational Flicks!"
Here's my thoughts for a training device:
It's for plugging in printers and mice.
The instructional goal:
Fit the cord in the hole.
Like that block box that's by Fisher-Price.
When his GPS turned into vapor,
He got lost! 'Twas a comical caper!
The guy said, "What the crap
Is a hard copy map?"
It's a GPS printed on paper..
This is the third story run as a throwback story in the Tank from the last week of July, 2009. I remember when these stories ran, I was on vacation, and looking back at them when I got back to my writer's garret, I really didn't like them that week. Looks like ten years later, I get to write about them anyway...
While at Berkeley, a tech I would know
Gave a saw to me. I would think, "Whoa!
With that saw, I could take
Out the jams, and then make
Keypunch hammers messed up like a pro!"
'Twas an acronym for all to see.
Post those letters today,
And you quickly might say,
"My career in IT? RIP..."
In a typeset one might call enlarged,
"This new scanner! It must be disbarred!!!"
But a boss that's offsite
Proved the scanner was right,
And pronounced the site "Guilty as Charged!"
At the end of our IT filled weeks,
It's a respite from work the group seeks.
A suit's stuck? He should call
That one store at the mall
That is staffed with a number of geeks.
While I'm checking my corporate mail,
Our Exchange dies at one - WHAT THE HAIL?!?
Our so sharp MSP
Sent an email to me,
But no phone call or text was sent? FAIL!!!
We were bought by a large company.
"We need pictures," they soon asked of me.
T'wasn't like they explained,
It was like being trained
For a job at the state DMV.
Wayback Wednesday Limerick (8/11/09)
“While my NYC techie’s away,
Can a fulltime temp come in?” I say.
“To keep budgeting tidy,
On every third Friday
He could work an eight hour day.”
Throwback Thursday Limerick (8/7/09)
All the sysadmins’ stomachs are churning
“The old fire suppression we’re spurning.
All the water, they say,
Will get carried away
By a roof over what could be burning."
They tried many a time to prevail on
All the managers. And yet they rail on.
Though they tried on and on,
The old system’s still gone.
So the sysadmins said, “Go to halon.”
By a printer, she got in the way.
Her red hair became caught on that day.
With my help she was freed.
How did I do the deed?
It was done in a gingerly way.
Memory-Lane Monday Limerick (8/14/09)
When we ran every Friday report,
I could see that they needed support.
So I asked with persistence,
I got no resistance
And now the job run time is short.
“It’s a miracle!” so my boss blurts.
Here’s your bonus!” I hope HR hurts!
Thirty years have gone by,
And today, it’s no lie
That in two weeks the fish won two shirts.
Lots of managers did not acknowledge
A name someone might think of in college.
It might get quite a fright
From the Wiki he'd write:
It's called "Found Under Commonplace Knowledge."
"This darned UPS sits there and beeps!
It just beeps and it beeps and it beeps!
Stuff's unplugged left and right,
And though, try as I might,
Still the stupid thing sits there and beeps!"
It appeared that she just couldn't win,
And her patience was running quite thin.
Now the outage is gone
And the power's back on?
Beeping stops when you plug it back in!
Throwback Thursday Limerick (8/18/09)
When I accessed the tech support bank,
The web filter would leave the screen blank.
“What’s the reason?” I cried.
It says, “Access Denied.”
Please don’t filter Computerworld’s Tank!
As a freshly retired GI,
I was told "Do not wear your new tie.
You should wear those that snap."
I won't give him no crap.
And before long I found out just why.
Some machine might just get out of whack.
I would make an aggressive attack.
I might get a surprise
Since they love eating ties,
And the last word I'd say might be "ACCCCCCK!!!"
Time-Machine Tuesday Limerick (8/19/09)
I believed there’s no way I could trust her.
“There’s no liquids here!” I heard her bluster.
With the phone oozing slime,
It would seem at times I’m
Not a techie, but just a Ghostbuster.
"This Selectric's too fast!" she would cry.
Put a knot in the cord - that he'd try.
He just gave it a shot.
Then I asked him, "Why knot?"
When it worked, I then asked of him, "Why?"
THROWBACK THURSDAY LIMERICK (8/24/09)
All the managers thought it was funny
And the mood of the meeting got sunny
When I demoed the filter
That was out of kilter
And showed us a tie-wearing bunny.
Workers upstairs, they all liked to knock it.
"The net's out again! I want to sock it!"
Janice, Harold and Walt,
Their work grinds to a halt
Because Joe wants to nuke a Hot Pocket.