On the day that we hit Y2K,
When our ERP system did stray.
Make a tech support ticket?
Their system said "Stick it!"
I know we're prepared, but are they?
We must do what the HIPAA rules say!
Though the CTO says it's okay,
There's no docs put in place.
There are fines we could face.
Let's all hope the fish covered his A.
With some password resets I'm beset.
There's two buttons! What can't this guy get?
Now I'm throwing a fit!
He won't click the submit!
Just resets the reset with reset.
"This one guy is so bad," the fish frowned,
"That his fingers I'd sure like to pound."
"This guy should be sales!"
I'd say that he's management bound.
All those errors! The fish they would scold.
Systems crash when his error count's polled.
I would hazard a guess
With just one error less,
That this story would never be told.
Why's that admin not out on his fanny?
Is he out taking care of his granny?
Is he working from home?
Well, his entry time's Nome's
While his leaving time's that in Miami.
That old box for alumni and backers
Is now used by a whole bunch of hackers.
"It was decommed," I'd scoff,
"But it wasn't turned off
Since our admins are nothing but slackers."
(Throwback Thursday limerick from when the story
originally ran on 11/26/2008)
For the printer install to go faster,
Would rebooting just cause a disaster?
“No,” the shipping clerk scoffed,
“I can just turn it off.”
But no, really, it works! You can ask her.
Was that aide just a natural blonde?
Her Selectric - of that she's quite fond.
But it tends to shut off.
Big Blue's techie would scoff,
"Here, I'll fix it with this magic wand."
Were the user's claims simply unfounded?
Was the branch's chief feeling astounded?
After hitting a shelf,
He could see for himself
That those mainframes were really ungrounded.
I'm a normally flexible bloke.
Now I'm worried about going broke.
Why'd my job go to hell?
'Twas that cigarette smell!
My career there just went up in smoke.
Would the boss can the fish? Well, he tried.
Catch a smoke with the mainframe? Denied!
When the fire chief explained
It was gear unmaintained.
So now, guess who's the one who got FRIED!
(The one I wrote when the story originally ran
There were many complaints that came from me
‘Bout the system conceived by a dummy.
They all fell on deaf ears,
And for over two years
The "permission denieds" seemed to numb me.
Said my boss, who I truly admired,
"You rewrite the thing as you desired."
After blowing two mil,
The veep's hopes we fulfilled
And my bosses' boss got his butt fired.
There's a program - they call it "Job Sharing."
It's for those who are family-caring.
It was really a crime:
Since they worked half the time,
They got laid off, and now they're all swearing.
"Help us out since our person's away.
Don't you worry. Just do what I say..."
We then got in a fix
As he pulled out 'tape six' -
He had blown up the whole disk array.
My old place doesn't want the beans spilled.
When employers would ask if I'm skilled,
Project, Word and Excel
Yes, I know them quite well.
I could tell, then they'd have to be killed.
Can they print at the church? Not today.
When I tried logging in, what'd it say?
Access point?!? Don't make guesses -
When choosing addresses,
You have to do way more than pray.
Hey there help desk! There's trouble I fear!
It's the network! To me it's quite clear.
Just to prove it is so,
Have a laptop in tow.
You could then test the net while you're here...
Years ago when new jobs I debated,
There were rules by which each one was rated.
While assembler I know
Somewhere else I will go
Since my skills would be quickly outdated.
You must follow the rules! No debating!
Move my PC? Their speed I'm sure hating.
My new monitor's here,
But no card makes it clear:
I've became quite proficient at waiting.
Since it's WiFi the plant wants to use,
I would suffer some daily abuse.
Union stewards would say,
"Got your license today?"
Guess that's my way of paying my dues.
Said the prez, "We've been hacked! Find out why!"
It's a charge that our logs would deny.
When I saw what his son
With his laptop had done,
I could only think, "C-E-Oh, MY!!!"
"My improvement - what else can I do
To get better, I'm asking of you?"
"I will not tell you more
So you get up to four,
But it's easy to go down to two."