Did the server try making its mark
With a tale that got told to the Shark?
It had just done the norm.
'Twas a really bad storm
That had left the fish there in the dark.
‘Twas a call to which I was assigned.
Why’s her PC so slow it would grind?
It’s an iTunes caused stall.
When again she would call,
It was really quite easy to find.
Though they nix every IT request,
With new AC our center's been blessed.
'Til it goes on the fritz.
So the fish now admits
That at times the old methods work best.
That darned vendor! Just why did we pick it?
Won't do squat with no sign of a ticket.
All our servers went down,
They're just walking around.
Maybe we should just tell them to stick it!!!
For three fortnights, I whittled away
To fix errors in some disk array.
Those Americans! Gee,
That first version's a "C."
My Canadian one gets an "Eh!"
Why's my timesheet now looking so funny?
"All your hours are different now, sonny!"
As I checked every date,
They're now seven, not eight!
Must be we're making way too much money!
All alone with his pens he would frolic,
Marking code with some meanings symbolic.
My wife's colleague'd explain
That he's slightly insane,
Or else maybe the guy's Jackson Pollock.
Contract admins? That made me afraid.
Now just why did their status get swayed?
The reply I would get -
It's a shop full of sweat,
And those admins would like to get paid.
The guy's programming wasn't too deft.
Our boss told him to exit, stage left.
His C#? For this guy,
A C-? Too high.
Getting canned as an intern's an "F"
Said the user, "My system is broke!"
He's an "ID-10-T" type of bloke.
Here's the reason, you jerk.
A computer won't work
Once it starts to let out magic smoke.
I'm in charge of the systems and data.
There was woes! That division called Beta!
It was easy to see
They ignored SMP
Since the day that they said "See ya layta!"
At 2:30 AM, I'm a hero.
I knew what to type: Rnn ZERO.
Should I have to enroll
In a class Espańol?
It would probably cost mucho dinero.
With no access, the guy went insane.
"How'd it happen?!?" again and again!
I'd avoid more new fights
By my granting him rights,
Now, he's only himself left to blame.
The fish gets in, and guess what he sees.
He can't log on - they don't have IP's.
He encountered a hitch
In the shiny new switch
From the ISP's ID-10-T's.
To the plate the fish went. Quite the batter!
The job's deadline, the fish would soon tatter.
He got points - that went splat!
The suits' wallets got fat.
Just like "Whose Line," the points just don't matter.
The director had made a new call.
Forward emails upstairs, big and small.
This directive got spurned
When this guy quickly learned
That his staff loves to use "Reply All."
Some might call me insane or quite crazed.
My priority system, they've praised.
For your job, I won't ask
For a dime of your cash.
Just bring jelly filled, chocolate or glazed.
When it came to connecting components,
Nineteenth century Brits were proponents
Of when pulling some wire,
It would only require
Just a ferret and one good sized rodent.
That new boss - she was really aloof.
"Soon a server will crash. I've got proof!"
Then one day I was fired,
But my skills are required.
Like my job, all that knowledge went "POOF!"
THROWBACK THURSDAY LIMERICK
(Original limerick from when this story ran on 10/24/2008)
Their insistence of gear ergonomic
Made their use of time uneconomic.
For each techie she used
Said her setup's refused.
T'was a story both tragic and comic.
Then the manager said to her "Now we
Should talk to our safety guy Howie."
So she finally gave in,
The dispute she did win.
She can track metropolitan owwies.
Three weeks in, I received a new call.
Import records! Assist them! Don't stall!
When I asked for their help,
"We're too busy!" they'd yelp.
Me assist them? I'm doing it all!