Of missed targets, they're moanin' and pissin'.
Not two years, but six months? Me they're dissin'
We'd look good and on-time
With no rep that's like slime
If those managers only would listen.
It's a typical tech support rant.
Me rely on some users? I shan't!
Tell me, where in your house
Plugs your wireless mouse?
Her reply told me lots, 'cause you can't!
Said the genius, "Get here on the doubly!
There's an outage, and I'm feeling troubly!"
Fixed the date, made a patch
And then *clink*, "Down the hatch!"
Since we shared a great bottle of bubbly.
A new system, we've got quite a yen.
So we purchased a used IBM.
From what I had seen
That's burned into the screen,
It caused me to haw and to hem.
There was kanji! It speaks Japanese!
You might say that the suits were not pleased.
So they looked really hard
For an interface card
So the system showed English with ease.
'Twas a really unusual day.
I just smiled when the cop turned to say,
"You were robbed." I just laughed
And replied, "Don't be daft!
Now we don't have to haul them away!"
I had not heard of trouble that's brewing.
Our division's gone? What we'll be doing?
As for me, I will try
To be "Programming Guy,"
While the other guy's home interviewing.
Yelled the boss with his face a bright red.
"Now do something to fix that box dead!"
Would it work if I'd say
"Inky dinky?" No way!
You use "Abracadabra" instead.
Did that veep try to mess with my head
When we worked on that system so dead?
In no time I had faced
The guy stripped to his waist.
Wish they sent Kaley Cuoco instead...
There's no sound! That could be quite a glitch!
The connections were checked with no hitch?
There's one thing he would skip
On the first power strip.
I got paid just for flicking a switch!
Of this fix I would sure like to crow.
There's one place where concern ought to grow.
It sure looked really crazy:
Strips chained like a daisy.
The fire marshal sure'd like to know.
On a project, my group would embark.
This conversion, success might be stark.
Paper tape? That will do,
But then light would get through.
It could only be done in the dark.
Our team leader's a really smart guy.
He got in when that gate won't comply.
To avoid a scene tragic,
He just used some magic.
Who scaled that fence? "'Twasn't I."
When I went to the office so early,
Surely, something's wrong. I was quite surly.
An invisible change?
Well, to me it acts strange.
Fix it now, and I won't call you Shirley.
This new intern - we first would adore him.
What we taught him - it just seemed to bore him.
Now today he might brag
Since his name's in a rag.
Wanna bet someone does his work for him?
With the bouncies that server's beset.
"Hey, it's down again!" On it, I'd get.
Soon my brain, it would click
By a snowboarding trick.
All was fixed when some limits were set.
Itís a really sweet job that Iíve got.
In a bank thereís excitement - a lot!
From my desk of mahogany
Thereís still the ah-gony -
Some day, I still could get shot.
Tests aren't passing? We can't let that fester!
Those new systems we have to sequester!!!
There's no users annoyed
With the ones we've deployed.
Hey, is anyone testing the tester?
It's directions home we would both seek.
Let's go print them and then take a peek.
What came out sure might trouble you -
Babmbi and her pal Moanique!
T'was a fight o'er the vital sign screen.
One nurse hates it. She's just downright mean.
She'd no longer object
With my cool sound effect
From a "Doctor Who" screwdriver scene.
"What's your problem?" It's really a pain.
Times I'd ask it again and again.
When on scene I'd appear,
It was really quite clear.
'Twas a hole in the shape of a crane.
Every month there's a huge data drama.
Is it fixed width, a space or a comma?
Then one month it's in Word?!?
Don't outsource! That's absurd!
Now reporting is going much calma...
There's an upgrade - much effort's required.
But the lead's got a trip that's desired.
Since one meeting she'd shirk,
She got canned 'cause she'd work.
That darned CIO's who should be fired.