March 2018

March 1, 2018 - Throwback Thursday: Trend, defined

Rules of logic this user is bending.
"Print jobs die," said in tones condescending.
"This is trending," she says.
"It's hosed each ninety days."
I'm quite sure that her "trend"'s never-ending.

March 2, 2018 - So THAT'S what we've been paying him for!

I'm an analyst, old as can be.
A consultant came in by decree.
We'll be down for a day?!?
How 'bout do what I say?
In the end, shouldn't I get his fee?

March 5, 2018 - Truth of consequences

'Twas a bug that would make my teeth gnash.
Force a false? That guy's head we should bash!
One could say it's worth noting -
It's like "meatball coding"
Like surgery done at a M*A*S*H.

RIP David Ogden Stiers 1942-2018

March 6, 2018 - Still a few bugs in this computing architecture

Block the library? Backlash is mountin'.
Underground! Now we're problem surmountin'!!!
What's created instead?
One broke sprinkler head
And a really neat underground fountain.

March 7, 2018 - The price of quality

"Let's use barcodes!" They gave it a pass.
"Your suggestion is ever so crass!"
X-rays gone? QC raged
My old emails I paged
From my file I call "Cover Your Ass."

March 8, 2018 - Throwback Thursday: Doing it the hard way

From the printer to fax to email
To a forward's the steps it'd entail
When he'd send out a file.
I showed nary a smile.
Now he's sending out docs without fail.

March 9, 2018 - The lifeline

Fred can't wait 'til he's fin'lly retired.
But one day the last hard drive expired.
Where's our backups? There's none?
That's a task he would shun.
He was lucky he didn't get fired.

March 12, 2018 - Smart, redefined

'Twas an awesome solution in spirit.
Phone support? All our docs don't go near it!
"Got a problem today?
What's our phone? We won't say.
To you whiners: We don't want to hear it!"

March 13, 2018 - Just one, um, great idea after another

"Give me rights!" that director directed.
But I don't want our systems affected!
Will that system go bust?
Said that VP, "You must."
So I did, and then I soon defected.

March 14, 2018 - Consulting like it's 1999

"Y2K!!! It's upon us!" she squealed.
"A disaster will soon be revealed!"
What I asked on my turn
She will soon have to learn:
Laws of physics do not get repealed.

March 15, 2018 - Throwback Thursday: Well, we got Y2K right, anyhow

I received a brand new alarm clock
With alarms and a cool iPod dock.
What could cause me to bitch?
The darned DST switch
Changed the time and alarm! What the fock?!?

March 16, 2018 - Not quite what he thought success would sound like

Said the manager, "I must go there!
I'll negotiate prices more fair!"
With no ifs, ands or buts,
To negotiate cuts,
We found out that he had quite a Flair.

March 19, 2018 - Well, since you offered...

"Is the newbie's phone set up?" "For sure!"
"What's the number? I want to know more!"
Look it up? Are you crazy?
His boss wasn't lazy,
That's just what employees are for!

March 20, 2018 - Sometimes that penny just takes a while to drop

Of the stories I've read, I would rank
This one’s one of the best in the Tank.
I want one-sided here.
The solution is clear:
You just make every other page blank.

March 21, 2018 - Programming is typing code, right? So type faster!

That director told me to get cracking!!!
An ex-programmer? No, only hacking.
Why did he not succeed?
Lots of logic you'll need,
Which in his case, was painfully lacking.

On that Tuesday this guy came to me.
A whole week in three days? No, sirree!
'Stead of taking his whip,
I soon gave him the slip
In two weeks I would tell him "I'm free!!!"

March 22, 2018 - Throwback Thursday: Let us out of here!

Once the CIO, using his arm,
Hit the switch in HQ's server farm.
Did he do it to prove
Just how quickly they move
When his techies would hear the alarm?

I stopped by in an hour or so.
He's not there? Now, where did the guy go?
He went home for the day!
Bet his techies would say
It's because the guy made lots of "D'oh!"

March 23, 2018 - It's a miracle!

There's a change to our contracts required
When our service a business has hired.
If delays aren't our fault
You will sweeten our vault,
Like when network drops must be rewired.

March 26, 2018 - Because what's more important than being on-brand?

That one boss thinks security's slime.
Used weak passwording all of the time.
There's an outage? We're damned!
But her love for the brand
Made this idjit confess to the crime.

March 27, 2018 - Whaddya mean, 'Isn't it backed up?'

The guy fumbled my tray! What the heck!!!
This I must reassemble and check.
I played Pickup 5K.
At the end of the day,
Didn't like the glad this up wind deck.

March 28, 2018 - Failure to launch

Generator - we actively work it!
All our testing, we sure will not shirk it!
When there's need, glory be!
There's an idle PC!
The controller's on some different circuit!

March 29, 2018 - Throwback Thursday: What could be simpler?

Password tracking's a horrible chore.
Single login? We all will adore!
When instructions went out,
We so quickly found out
They're just adding another step more...

March 30, 2018 - Nothing like planning ahead

Five O'clock, an employee did lurk
At my office. She asked with a smirk,
"Got a laptop for me?"
"Take this one that you see.
I just wouldn't expect it to work."