Rules of logic this user is bending.
"Print jobs die," said in tones condescending.
"This is trending," she says.
"It's hosed each ninety days."
I'm quite sure that her "trend"'s never-ending.
I'm an analyst, old as can be.
A consultant came in by decree.
We'll be down for a day?!?
How 'bout do what I say?
In the end, shouldn't I get his fee?
'Twas a bug that would make my teeth gnash.
Force a false? That guy's head we should bash!
One could say it's worth noting -
It's like "meatball coding"
Like surgery done at a M*A*S*H.
RIP David Ogden Stiers 1942-2018
Block the library? Backlash is mountin'.
Underground! Now we're problem surmountin'!!!
What's created instead?
One broke sprinkler head
And a really neat underground fountain.
"Let's use barcodes!" They gave it a pass.
"Your suggestion is ever so crass!"
X-rays gone? QC raged
My old emails I paged
From my file I call "Cover Your Ass."
From the printer to fax to email
To a forward's the steps it'd entail
When he'd send out a file.
I showed nary a smile.
Now he's sending out docs without fail.
Fred can't wait 'til he's fin'lly retired.
But one day the last hard drive expired.
Where's our backups? There's none?
That's a task he would shun.
He was lucky he didn't get fired.
'Twas an awesome solution in spirit.
Phone support? All our docs don't go near it!
"Got a problem today?
What's our phone? We won't say.
To you whiners: We don't want to hear it!"
"Give me rights!" that director directed.
But I don't want our systems affected!
Will that system go bust?
Said that VP, "You must."
So I did, and then I soon defected.
"Y2K!!! It's upon us!" she squealed.
"A disaster will soon be revealed!"
What I asked on my turn
She will soon have to learn:
Laws of physics do not get repealed.
I received a brand new alarm clock
With alarms and a cool iPod dock.
What could cause me to bitch?
The darned DST switch
Changed the time and alarm! What the fock?!?
Said the manager, "I must go there!
I'll negotiate prices more fair!"
With no ifs, ands or buts,
To negotiate cuts,
We found out that he had quite a Flair.
"Is the newbie's phone set up?" "For sure!"
"What's the number? I want to know more!"
Look it up? Are you crazy?
His boss wasn't lazy,
That's just what employees are for!
Of the stories I've read, I would rank
This one’s one of the best in the Tank.
I want one-sided here.
The solution is clear:
You just make every other page blank.
That director told me to get cracking!!!
An ex-programmer? No, only hacking.
Why did he not succeed?
Lots of logic you'll need,
Which in his case, was painfully lacking.
On that Tuesday this guy came to me.
A whole week in three days? No, sirree!
'Stead of taking his whip,
I soon gave him the slip
In two weeks I would tell him "I'm free!!!"
Once the CIO, using his arm,
Hit the switch in HQ's server farm.
Did he do it to prove
Just how quickly they move
When his techies would hear the alarm?
I stopped by in an hour or so.
He's not there? Now, where did the guy go?
He went home for the day!
Bet his techies would say
It's because the guy made lots of "D'oh!"
There's a change to our contracts required
When our service a business has hired.
If delays aren't our fault
You will sweeten our vault,
Like when network drops must be rewired.
That one boss thinks security's slime.
Used weak passwording all of the time.
There's an outage? We're damned!
But her love for the brand
Made this idjit confess to the crime.
The guy fumbled my tray! What the heck!!!
This I must reassemble and check.
I played Pickup 5K.
At the end of the day,
Didn't like the glad this up wind deck.
Generator - we actively work it!
All our testing, we sure will not shirk it!
When there's need, glory be!
There's an idle PC!
The controller's on some different circuit!
Password tracking's a horrible chore.
Single login? We all will adore!
When instructions went out,
We so quickly found out
They're just adding another step more...
Five O'clock, an employee did lurk
At my office. She asked with a smirk,
"Got a laptop for me?"
"Take this one that you see.
I just wouldn't expect it to work."