Overseas our equipment is cursed.
"Fix it now, your inspector's the worst!"
Magic smoke in the sky!
Our equipment's right! Why?
They are starting the boards out reversed.
When 'Ol Headless fell earthward again.
It was driving the new guy insane.
To ourselves, we would squeal,
But it's quite a big deal
When the new guy is Ichabod Crane.
Sending outage emails what's intended.
Giving users heads up's recommended.
When the power would go
Did the notes get sent? No -
There's just no way the network will send it.
Could the vendor please shed us some light
Since execs were all getting uptight?
How'd you plug in that switch?
That's what's making you bitch.
You should move it one spot to the right.
Every building's got plenty of quirks.
It is locked? I'll ask one of its clerks.
She will let me get in.
Is it some kind of sin
To not know where it is that she works?
Work on A/R won't happen today.
Then our customer showed me the way.
Data now they'll reposit.
We're out of the closet.
Now everyone's happy and ... well, let's just say
everyone's happy.
"There's a UPS squealing! Come nix it!
It's so loud, there's some guy here who kicks it!"
Ancient PC prints labels?
As long as it's able.
If something works, don't try to fix it.
Though we gave all the effort we've got,
Our temp's parking plan wasn't too hot.
How'd he fin'lly get through
When we're not able to?
He just parked in the HR head's spot.
That new app!!! Its performance was poor.
To that app, we would send requests o'er.
Since we used the same port,
That darned app would just snort,
"I was working, but not anymore!!!"
It's a tale I have trouble believing.
"My first call from our firm I'm receiving.
'Til now, email was used,"
My peer pensively mused,
"Now they're asking if I would be leaving."
"Power User?" the pilot fish mused.
"I guess he surely could be excused.
With four PCs plugged in,"
The fish thought with a grin,
"It must be from the juice they all use."
When the box in the lab up and died,
I could not go to fetch it - I tried.
What I said caused a shock -
You should visit your doc.
He was out and he's got a new ride.
Of the columns, we have a complaint.
Is electrical working? It ain't.
A new system we'll make.
Lots of tests it will take.
It was stopped by their spray of white paint.
"We defeated it!" all those guys scoffed.
But we showed them we weren't all that soft.
There's a new step, unplanned.
We took scrapers in hand.
And soon all of their paint was scraped off.
NOW GET BACK TO WORK, YOU SLACKERS!!!
It's a concept that seemed to confuse her.
But I guess one would have to excuse her.
Update PC's while down?
Lots of fish here would frown,
"It is clear she is no power user!"
Though my ego, this agency's stroking,
What they said to me's really provoking.
What would make my head throb?
"We will find a new job
When the old one's done." You must be joking!
For my old one pursued me with zeal.
Had a non-compete stuck in the deal.
With no new gig to do,
For six months I'd be screwed.
I'm stuck home watching talk shows and Wheel.
So our website's defaced? Oh, puh-lease!
It's the CIO we must appease.
We're just being a sport
When we'd open a port
'Til our firewall would look like swiss cheese.
Since security first was so slim,
I restricted all users. One's grim.
With the back door, he thought
He'd bypass them. For naught -
In the end, who's restricted? Just him.
"Hello World" was as dull as can be.
A new version I'll code all in C.
Here's the program I'll share.
You must call "Dial-a-Prayer".
When the admin called, he knew it's me!
For those meetings, you're there. It's expected.
He won't show? There's a lie that's detected.
What that guy will endure
Is a warning, for sure.
Like those invites, he'll have to accept it.
Saving dough was the goal they desired.
They said there's lots of layoffs required.
Since their pay really sucked,
Lots of other staff ducked.
Getting laid off was highly desired.