They were asking for unpaid OT.
As a contractor, that cannot be.
What would make this all shift?
Unpaid OT? A gift,
That's especially when the gift's me!
I was testing! It just was my luck
They'd hook testing to prod! What the Zuck?!?
How the tables have turned!
In that instant, I learned
Being managed by me would sure suck.
A consultant can wield lots of power
In those meetings where moods can turn dour.
When your skills are not used,
How can you be excused?
Just remind them you're paid by the hour.
In this job, lots of brains are required.
Skills in programming? Highly desired.
With poor programming quality,
How did this head case get hired?
This new engineer started to fidget:
"Make a giant app out of a midget!!!"
While the guy's wined and dined,
The fish quickly would find
That the guy was a really smart idget.
"Need a DBA? Not us!" they boasted.
So for five years, the company coasted.
By the seat of their pants
They had flown, 'til by chance
A production side table got toasted.
Now a DBA's needed, they said.
One was hired on to bring back the dead.
With that database mess
And ensuing distress,
In just five months that DBA fled.
Now I'm there and my job? Reconstruct
What for five years so famously sucked.
My advice they must mind!
If they don't, they may find
Once again, they'll become fusterclucked.
Fred and Betty for months had competed
O'er the thermostat where they were seated.
"Give a ref'rence for Fred?!?
I would rather be dead!!!"
Give a good one, then you'll be well-heated!
There’s no WiFi! This problem I faced.
Near a window, I’d go in my place.
A new Yagi antenna
Would fix my dilemma.
Now I can get WiFi from space!!!
This solution would bring me much mirth!
But my fam’ly said, “Hey! There’s no dearth!
Our devices go ‘ZOOM!’
There’s WiFi in each room!”
I so quickly was brought back to earth...
My new video's content was tight.
But that head would soon pan it on sight.
There were edits to do
So you knew it was through,
So both content and progress bar's right.
Cost non-project? We're ordered to fudge it.
How's our progress? The suits want to judge it.
So their cookies, they tossed!
"All these overrun costs!"
Other projects? They're way under budget!
There's no laptops? Just read this doc then.
The next day it all happened again.
So just why am I here?
It's for billing, I fear.
So today I earned shirt number ten!
As that laptop connection went dead,
My sister-in-law flatly said,
"Ain't the internet free?"
"Unsecured? Not from me!
Why not mooch from the neighbors instead?"
Twenty year's I've been writing them checks!
Is my ISP under a hex?
They've deleted, I'm told,
Accounts two decades old.
In computing years, I'm a T-Rex!
Was security done on a whim?
Reservations I had on this: grim.
A security sin!
Even worse? A new DBA: JIM.
Why's our network not running so hot?
Let me tell you guys just what you've got.
On your wire, hunters love
To go hunting some dove.
Like those doves, all your wiring's shot.
There's a end of year PTO audit.
I was on it? I can not applaud it.
What their audit had done -
Turn two days into one.
They must audit the audit I'd audit.
Did I hate working Christmas? A smidge.
But this ire, my partner would bridge.
We would spend lots of time
Sipping liquor and wine
Since our floor's like a walk-over fridge.
When he sent out a lewd reply blast,
Bob would need it recalled from Scrooge, fast!
The recall, it was made
By that CEO's aide,
Or else he'd be a ghost of the past.
Who would think that some strings full of lights
Could bring on some terrible fights?
Bring some poor girl to tears?
Wait 'til maintenance hears!
What they did you must have union rights.