I need access! At times that I'd lack.
Add a line? It ain't happening, Mack!
No, I'm not gonna bitch,
I'll just pick up a switch.
The solution I found in a shack.
"What's your password?" "It's 'password,'" said
she.
"So your password is 'password?' Oh, gee.
We must update our rules."
Is she one of those fools
With a sign on a tree that says 'TREE?'
All those papers - we had them all nixed
We announced those reports were deep-sixed.
Did this workout succeed?
We'd miss government needs.
It's a workout now getting things fixed.
All those specs - there's so many we're blinded
A request? Well, I really don't mind it.
"Where's that baseline?" they asked.
Isn't knowing your task?
You should have a procedure to find it.
All that Six Sigma training's required.
It seems getting a belt is desired.
What do colors all mean?
Well, the one that is green -
Other firms tend to call 'til you're hired.
"Now my terminal's wonky!" they'd moan.
A controller reset's a fix known.
I'd walk in with a wink.
With my timing, they'd think
It was fixed by my presence alone!
'Bout that printer, the boss was a brat.
"It's not working again! Come up stat!"
Like Samir, Mike and Peter,
Was he a print beater
Who'd go at the thing with a bat?
A quick path to his office was beat.
Our tech sat in that manager's seat.
What's the cause of this caper?
The printer lacked paper!
That boss turned as red as a beet.
"There's a glitch in production! Oh, dear!
Hey there, fish, you are needed right here!"
Based on times that I said,
He'll ask Barney instead.
Now I'll think from my blind perch, "Oh, deer!"
'Twas as maddening as it could get.
Why's that terminal losing the net?
What the problem could be?
Just what did the suit see?
'Twas a rogue cleaning lady, Annette.
At my firm, there's new cabling required.
My drill hit where the phone system's wired.
Now my task became broader,
With wires, tape, and solder.
It worked when from them I retired.
"Fish, get in here!" I heard the suit squeal.
"Fix my screen!" I complied with much zeal.
With that wheel on the right
I soon made her screen bright.
I wish people were born with that wheel.
-- in case it was on the other side...
"Fish, get in here!" I heard the suit squeal.
"Fix my screen!" I complied with much zeal.
With that wheel on the left
It was fixed with moves deft.
I wish people were born with that wheel.
She was one of the OCD types.
Gave each terminal screen cleaning swipes.
When I saw this, I mused
That the alcohol used
Wasn't only the stuff in her wipes.
Since the planning was done really sloppily,
We are stuck by the power monopoly.
We could not run our steel
Using juice that's a steal.
Once it ran, it depreciates properly.
Is my monitor messed up? Let's see...
Nothing fixes it? How can that be?
After seeing the doc,
I was faced with a shock
That my monitor's fine - it was ME!
There's a problem from six months ago?
What the history files soon would show:
An old programmer did
Many tweaks that he hid.
Now I know why the guy was let go.
When that red light went on, folks would moan,
And make sure what they're doing's not shown.
This group surely won't trifle:
This guard's got a rifle!
I'd rather be working from home.
"What is unmanaged code?" They looked grim.
What those managers thought of that? Dim.
There are studies that showed
That our unmanaged code
Is still better than "Managed by JIM."
I had turned just as white as can be
When my PC insulted Marie
"There's nothing the matter.
You're not getting fatter.
My PC was talking to me!"
A solution, I'm sure, can be found.
You should bring this poor woman around.
I would also prescribe
A professional vibe,
And this time, you should turn off the sound.
With security, I make the call.
Use old passwords? What chumps have the gall?
A big grin will persist
As she showed me her list.
It seems I'm the worst culprit of all.
That plant's bug guy I'd sure like to choke.
In that warehouse, my arm I near broke.
When my desk I'd approach,
I then slipped on a roach,
And it wasn't the kind that you'd smoke.
A hard schedule - we knew what to do,
And just when. To these times we'd be true.
Now that schedule's shot,
Since a shot wasn't got
That would keep him from getting the flu.
"My darned terminal's messed up. How come?"
So a spare I would fetch - we've got some.
"Now I just want to know:
Where'd my documents go?"
Guess the terminal's not all that's dumb.