August 2017

August 1, 2017 - Honor, redefined

He was causing a massive kerfuffle.
Since we want to avoid a big scuffle,
We then took a big chance:
We created a dance
And we called it "The Cobol Deck Shuffle."

August 2, 2017 - And you think YOUR compile cycle takes forever...

'Twas a routine we followed each day.
While compiling, we're all paid to play.
Play the ponies, read news,
Plan a pool or a cruise -
We're just working the government way!

August 3, 2017 - You've just got to go through the proper channels

"Where's the problem?" It made my head throb.
"It's not us!" they'd reply like a snob.
"Since I'm charged with the task,
Their director I'll ask."
And so now I can start my new job!

August 7, 2017 - Well, yes, that IS a question...

What's the state of the contractor's task?
There's no answer to what he's been asked.
There's an answer he'd need
Before he could proceed:
What's the state of the contractor's task?

August 8, 2017 - Professionalism, always professionalism

There's a move and I knew what to do.
I believed that it fin'lly was through.
Though that call was sure fun,
The next time that it's done
I'll make sure that the mice are moved too.

August 9, 2017 - Is this what they call a learning experience?

To a client, I went on a mission.
Teach a class, customized in addition?
There's no way that was planned!
Would my butt soon be canned?
Still that rep will receive his commission!

August 10, 2017 - Of course, that's just an approximation

What's the area under a graph?
Since I'm on the computing room staff,
I'll run Fortran for fun.
It takes ten years to run?
"I might get my degree then," I'd laugh.

August 11, 2017 - Simple misunderstanding

When I met the new boss, 'twas a storm.
"To our young way, you need to conform!!!"
A new job she must find.
In a programmer's mind,
To recycle old code is the norm.

August 14, 2017 - OK, there's SOMETHING we've left out here...

With some idiots, I have been dealing.
What they did there had sent my head reeling.
"Plug a port to a switch?
There's no door there!" I'd bitch.
"My lone access is through the drop ceiling!"

August 15, 2017 - Sometimes, bad taste matters

With the squirrels, the technician was messin'.
Make the cable too slipp'ry, I'm guessin'?
That's not why squirrels won't munch
On your cable for lunch,
It's that squirrels don't like tasting that Wesson.

August 16, 2017 - Let's call it 80 percent-ish

Is that architect some kind of hero?
He acts just like he's Robert De Niro.
"How's that project today?"
"Oh, I'd say it's half way."
Yeah, but half of a zero's still zero.

August 17, 2017 - Remember, every demo's REAL audience is Murphy

When we practiced our demo, it shined!
"Now the darned thing's not working!" I whined.
That car's driver, I'll bet
A new ticket he'll get,
But just not of that customer's kind.

August 18, 2017 - Indexo patronum

There's a challenge this student fish faced.
Stuff runs long! Should this thing be replaced?
Add an index and soon
All the doctors will swoon,
And all doubts of the system dBased.

August 21, 2017 - Now THAT's what we call a proper test!

A disaster test we all had planned.
Would the power plan meet the demand?
Expectations were smashed
When an auto had crashed.
Now we think that all cars should be banned.

August 22, 2017 - This one's definitely low-powered

In a chat with that firm's Level One.
In an hour, little progress was done.
What I wanted to do
Was to chat Level Two,
But instead where I'm stuck's Level None.

August 23, 2017 - C'mon, it's technology. What's not to like?

(Two versions since I'm unsure of the
pronunciation of SCADA)

First Syllable: Long A

When we demoed the system called SCADA,
But the group was a huge east coast hay-ta.
Both our demos, they broke.
They let out magic smoke.
When we finished, they said, "See you layda!"

First Syllable: Short A

When we demoed the system called SCADA,
How we sounded to them? "Yada, yada."
Both our demos, they broke.
They let out magic smoke.
Just how much they would buy from us? Nada.

August 24, 2017 - At least you know he was listening

Overhearing stuff - sometimes it stings.
Overloads? On that issue, he springs.
You see, our operators
And your operators
Are totally separate things.

August 25, 2017 - Just another day in paradise

An Inserter install? Yessirree!!!
On a plane, I would fly o'er the sea.
Why's that system unstable?
The neck of a cable:
It's not what it's cracked up to be.

August 28, 2017 - 'You' is the new 'Not-you'

The new system had gone out as planned.
"I can't log in!" the user's demand.
Not for you? That's absurd!
Now, what part of the word
"Y E S" do you not understand?

August 29, 2017 - Must be one heck of an important trial going on...

A dead terminal? What could it be?
Is it plugged in? Please, go check for me.
It is dark there, you say?
That's exhibit tab "A",
That's why you can't see tabs "B" through "Z".

August 30, 2017 - Success! (in more ways than one)

There's a task that he put on the shelf.
So I brought his connection to health.
We first brought it to life
With the help of his wife.
Only now he can do it himself!

August 31, 2017 - Hey, a REAL magician never reveals how it's done!

There's new data they'd like to include.
Run the macro, just trust me now, dude!
Add a column, you're fine,
For it all will align.
(Make a change to a header? You're screwed!!!)