May 2017

May 1, 2017 - Sometmes you have to let 'em add it up themselves

'Bout her ringer, this partner had cursed.
"It's not working! This phone is the worst!"
Now when all's said and done,
What could make this more fun?
If she called on the Apple techs first.

May 2, 2017 - But all the plumbing works fine, right? RIGHT?!?

Renovations our firm is requiring.
So that contractor pulled the new wiring.
With no labels, hosed ports,
And one two feet too short
Here's a guy that our JIM could be firing.

May 3, 2017 - Surprise! How do you like your new computer?

Those new tech specs, the fish had to master.
The assistant, he'd sure like to blast her.
While he's out on a break
His old PC she'd take.
Now he'll type them again, only faster.

May 4, 2017 - How much do you want it to be?

The economists said with conviction
Their computer's financial prediction.
There's some checking it lacks.
While it's called "Univax,"
Maybe it should be called "Univiction."

May 5, 2017 - Let me just show you how nothing can go wrong...

The facilities boss was enlisted.
"There's no way it's to blame!" he resisted.
As the strip the boss flashed,
The whole system then crashed.
Seems the plugs were not what there was twisted.

May 8, 2017 - NOW we can help you!

After calling support, I thought, "Wowser!!!
Don't use TCP??? Just use my browser???"
When I called support back
This guy gave me no flack
Since he thought I'm as dumb as a Schnauzer.

May 9, 2017 - So it must not be important, right?

To that first user's office I booked.
There's no internet! Right there I looked.
Sitting there by the shelf
Was the switch by itself
Which that user herself had unhooked.

She had gotten a shelf cleaning itch
Disconnecting our networking switch.
So I plugged it back in.
Tanksters, is it a sin
To not use that one rhyme for a switch?

May 10, 2017 -, help fiction

While I'm writing CAD documentation,
They were s'posed to do language translation.
But their code kept on drifting
The project kept shifting.
Now QA is at my location.

"This whole document's wrong!!!" they would chide.
"They keep changing the system!!!" I cried.
But despite their conviction,
I hate writing fiction.
At last the whole CAD project died.

May 11, 2017 - Unplug, plug back in. How exciting could THAT be?

Why are all of those power plugs red?
When I asked them why, here's what they said,
"It's a big Ops staff thang!
They don't like to hear 'Bang!'
And have terminals quickly go dead."

May 12, 2017 - See, now it's TWICE as cost effective as before!

This new roll-out some folks are condemning.
When's the change? Suits were hawing and hemming.
Saving money? How strange!
This departmental change
Has two thirds of us double IM'ing.

Happy Limerick Day!!!

May 15, 2017 - Look, just think of it as unused vacation, OK?

About Y2K we'd all convene.
All our vendors, they would not be seen.
What was getting their goat?
What we'd ask them to quote's
Not a time clock, but some time machine.

May 16, 2017 - So he's NOT your favorite memory of that job?

Tons of trays piled up high on his flipper,
Cafeteria stuff, smells of kipper.
These are all reasons why
We could not stand that guy.
Since he's gone, now our mood is more chipper.

May 17, 2017 - Priorities

Would my boss and her boss soon explode?
They were not too impressed, and it showed.
In ten minutes, my fix
Their bad feelings would nix.
Now they're no longer FTPO'ed

May 18, 2017 - OK then, MOSTLY fine

There's no testing to check Y2K?!?
All appointments are gone? What the hey?!?
There's a bug that was found.
There's a new workaround:
That's an urgent care office today.

May 19, 2017 - Why we love HR (special job-offer edition)

Get two offers in one day? I quivered!
Was the marketing firm lily livered?
They would low-ball my pay
And then raise it some day?
Yes, that parcel firm surely delivered!

May 22, 2017 - And that's why we troubleshoot first

All that beeping! They think it's baloney!
They complained in a loud acrimony.
Still it isn't a shame.
That box wasn't to blame
Since the problem was really a phony.

May 23, 2017 - There really ARE better ways to stay awake...

He needs joe - this will take just a sec.
Has it started to boil? He'll go check.
Fifteen minutes or more
There's no water for sure,
But a boiling mad network tech.

May 24, 2017 - Are you sure it's not just in sleep mode?

There's an outage - I have to repair it.
What's the cause? I'm assigned to go ferret.
"It's a bloody dead port
On the router," I snort,
"Like a certain Norwegian Blue parrot!"

May 25, 2017 - 'It's easier than Linux, so what's the problem?'

Said the Linux tech, "Chips, I am cashing.
Me install Windows 10? This I'm bashing.
I'll be leaving this mess.
Windows simpler? I guess.
But it's got this bad habit of crashing."

May 26, 2017 - Sounds pretty peccable to us...

On LinkedIn, she bragged she's the talker.
If she called up my cell phone, I'd block her.
With hostile phone manners,
Her boss should soon can her
And then lock her up as a stalker.

All her messages I would soon hate!
Tell me, why is your payment so late?
What they sold we'd soon spurn.
Here's a lesson to learn
About keeping your files up to date.

May 29, 2017 - Old is the new New

This suit had a good box - wants another.
His is better than average? Oh, brother!
Since his old one he spurned,
A new lesson was learned.
That you can't judge a box by its cover.

May 30, 2017 - Because the world is flat now, right?

'Twas a problem that seemed really hairy.
What the tech said to me made me wary.
What was causing the strain?
We're below the terrain.
Dude, there's still hills and dips on a prairie.

May 31, 2017 - Going postal, IT style

As we looked at the park lush and leafy,
There's a mailman all buffed up and beefy.
IBM origami
Gave data the whammy.
But now how we get it's covfefe!

Inspired by a tweet by President Trump: