I love fruitcake! I cannot deny it!
It's delicious! You really should try it!
But it can't be denied -
That this one that I tried
Would be good if you've gone on a diet.
Though my code can be really complex
I'd removed all my comments and specs.
While that boss was a jerk,
Yet my code still would work.
I just put on the new team a hex.
"All those errors? I just cannot wait.
I'll ignore them!" that user would state.
With those logs, I've a clue
How those orders got screwed,
And they helped me win shirt number eight!
All those five dollar strips were so crappy.
Let's replace them with mine. Make it snappy!
Since the copiers fried
The computers all cried,
"I won't go on the cart! I feel happy!"
When she called, she was sounding so gloomy.
I replied from my cube oh, so roomy.
To her password I'd home,
And I told her it's "DOME."
She replied that her password was "DOME"
Every Monday, more often than not
With a scatterbrained user I fought.
"I can't login today!"
"What's your password?" she'd say
When she'd answer me back, "I forgot."
She could write it down - wait - better not.
She'd be fired if she ever got caught.
A cool password I'd seek
When she'd call every week.
What'd I come up with then? "iforgot".
There's two outages! Here's what we'll do.
Each one goes to a store 'til it's through!
Seems it wasn't our thing,
Since we also can't ping
Books-a-Million and Cinnabon too.
Will my pay be correct? It's a guess
Since my timecard was really a mess.
Yet despite my reminders,
HR works with blinders.
My timesheet's signed under duress.
Have I worked with this guy? Well I ought.
Each connection we tried went for naught.
We had failed to connect
Every link that we checked
'Til we got to a class that I taught.
In our search, what we learned was concludant.
Searching more, it was not very prudent.
Since my class he embraced,
It turned into a case
Where the teacher gets hired by the student.
Once, when Barney's van took quite a spill,
Our computer gear he didn't kill.
While their glee I can't mask,
I've one question to ask:
Tell me, who is this person named "Bill?"
"You're not answering pages!" they'd grouse.
They must think that I'm some kind of louse.
"There's no cov'rage," fish sighs.
Now each week's on call guys
Want to spend their weeks on at my house.
Are our ears acting somewhat like sieves?
Does my furnace buzz? Really, what gives?
What the cause of it was
The group's pager's a-buzz.
We should move to where Monday's fish lives.
When the pager my group uses drowned,
To the servers that night I was bound.
At twelve, two, four and six
I made sure each one ticks
Since the pager that drowned can't be found.
"Just when will the server be back?"
"Just when will the server be back?"
With each outage, we'd hear
From the suits far and near,
"Just when will the server be back?"
So the first suit to call up IT
Gets requested to come by an see.
He will see what we do
'Til the outage is through.
Can he leave 'fore we're done? No siree!
He will sit while we call tech support.
He might see a few tempers grow short.
While at first he'll be floored,
In the end he'll get bored,
Since IT's not a spectator sport.
While we're working, more users will phone.
"I can't stand it!" our guest will soon moan.
All in all, in the end
What's the message we send?
In an outage, just leave us alone!!!
At a realtor's office I'm told
How their ISP's link left them cold.
A new setting, I'll seek.
I'll make theirs last a week
Which is how long mine leaves me on hold.
When we got all the modems we wished,
The next day through the dumpsters we fished.
Lots of techs would have guessed
We'd like data compressed,
But we don't like our modems all squished.
The remote site is in quite a mess.
Did they tell us about it? I guess.
What's the cause? There's no doubt
Since their power went out.
Now go pick up a new UPS.
The name "John Quincy Adams" - how prim.
We've got two. What's the odds of that? Slim.
To IT it's a curse.
I know something that's worse:
It's two bosses, and both are named "JIM".
Are the guys in development drinking?
Data transfer performance is stinking!
Seconds used? Forty six!
Is the middleware fixed?
No, it's not, but it shows it's still thinking...
That new website, of it I'm quite wary.
Setting answers to questions? So scary!
Don't reply to what's asked?
Nowadays that's a task
Of a government press secretary.
On that day, there's no work getting done.
Where's our bandwidth? The answer will stun.
'Twas a downloading suit
Giving others the boot
While it's working for his Number One.
'Twas enough to drive sane techies mad.
Test two processors - one failed. How sad!
When we studied the code,
In the end what it showed:
What we thought was the good one was bad.