August 2016

August 1, 2016 - Why we love bureaucracy (and outsourcing)

Can I pay for our permit in person?
When I tried, all my woes would just worsen.
I'm alarmed, it was clear.
Payments can't be made here.
So I just left their office a cursin'...

August 3, 2016 - But it looked a LOT better in the budget request

Where'd my PO's go? Don't make me laugh!
Old approvals? An hour and a half.
All my budget is spent?
I've lost ninety percent.
Plus one hundred percent of the staff.

Boy, the reasons my boss used were bent.
One by one every staff member went.
With her budgeting call,
Thirteen mil now seems small.
To outsource costs three hundred percent.

August 4, 2016 - No good deed goes unpunished

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01101000 01100001 01110010 01110100 00101110

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01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110 00111111
00100001 00111111 00100010

Since this girl and her beau are apart,
There's a tattoo that's straight from the heart.
Folks will ask her some day,
"What's your tattoo here say?"
They must locate a good ASCII chart.

When the girl's face had turned oh, so ashen,
Said the doctor, "Your face I should bash it!"
Said the fish, "Hey, you ape!
Don't get bent out of shape!
How 'bout showing a little compassion?!?"

August 5, 2016 - The World's Greatest Programmer

All my plans my boss quickly had thwarted.
"Change that system? There's no way!" he snorted.
Barney's code's how to go.
He won't budge even though
VB6 is no longer supported.

August 8, 2016 - Because THAT'S the kind of boss we really need!

'Bout that guy I could write a novella.
He came back, his division? Umbrella?
As a "Batman" junkie
There's one guy that could be:
It's that old Burgess Meredith fella.

August 12, 2016 - Why we love users, hard hat edition

Some might say I'm the shop floor tech guide.
All their problems, I take them in stride.
When together, I caught
Those two hard hats, I thought
They reminded me of my new bride.

August 15, 2016 - Time to add a new step to 'the usual process'?

You have found your lost phone. Let us check.
But you say it won't ring? What the heck?
I'm sure techies all moan,
"Dude, just go put your phone
On a chain that you hang on your neck!"

August 16, 2016 - Forget PCs -- let's have more of these kits!

When I'd ask, my darned boss loudly chimes,
"Don't put PCs in our five and dimes!"
Our new "sign making kit",
To that boss was a hit.
We could call it a sign of the times.

August 17, 2016 - We're from Corporate IT and we're here to help

Some thing makes this poor fish's head throb.
Working hardware, that guy was a slob.
When you put in chips poorly,
It makes the box roarly.
This guy, he had only one job...

August 18, 2016 - Not the kind of prevention we had in mind, but...

No, this service tech isn't a jerk.
In our server room one day he'd lurk.
He was under duress
Since that button he'd press.
Which is why he's behind in his work.

August 19, 2016 - You DID want to get rid of that loud beep, right?

This new scanner! There's nothing to top it!
But that beeping! We really must stop it!
We had looked all around -
There's no volume switch found.
How'd we fix it? Get Barney to drop it!

August 22, 2016 - 'Important government projects,' redefined

Here's an issue I'd like to discuss.
Of those "Projects" I'm making a fuss.
Why's this guy so depraved?
All those pictures he saved?
They all show what they're doing to us.

August 23, 2016 - It's the stupid economy -- er, the economy, stupid

Do I think the guy's honest? I don't.
Will our vendors on someday get boned?
Seems he's getting a thrill
With the pseudonym "Will"
While his credit score's saying he's "Won't."

August 24, 2016 - Think of it as getting laid off in slow motion

'Twas a question accountants all fear:
"Can we falsify time sheets?" Oh, dear!!!
There are many a bloke
Who would insert a joke
'Bout the Donald or Hillary here.

August 25, 2016 - Who needs those itty bitty fields, anyhow?

O'er the tables the analyst slaved.
Were his actions a little depraved?
Little fields he'd bag.
For they're only a flag,
And just think of the bits that we'll save!

August 26, 2016 - Just put yourself in the user's place -- literally

I can't hear what she's hearing. I'm charmed?
After five tries, at last she's disarmed.
I'll admit - 'twas a shock.
The noise came from her clock.
And now she is no longer alarmed.

August 29, 2016 - Unclear on this whole 'backups' concept

'Bout our backups my boss and I clashed.
Was his backup plan made while he's smashed?
He'd use only one drive.
Glad I got out alive
Before the next time the disk crashed.