July 2016

July 1, 2016 - Timing isn't everything -- it's the only thing

There's procedures. We don't like to wing it.
We can not find that tablet? Just bring it.
It is known all around:
If it needs to be found,
We first have to be able to ping it.

July 5, 2016 - Sometimes you just gotta have the real thing

Thought the fish with a bit of a smirk,
"Is this user some kind of a jerk?
The account, this guy knows,
Will not work 'cause it's hosed?
He should test with accounts that will work!"

July 6, 2016 - When all else fails, offer a catastrophic solution

In the jungles of Venezuela
Where a mansion's a trailer park traila.
Calling home is quite hard
With the phones under guard.
Call my wife? No, I think I'll just maila

Aim antennas? What they planned was screwy.
Use a mortar? That talk's lots of hooey.
With the oil and the gas
What they're thinking of's crass,
Since that pipeline could just go kablooey!

July 7, 2016 - Just though you'd want to know...

Other systems were really much safer.
This one druggist would do us a favor.
He'd show bugs in our code
'Til his data'd explode.
He should know that you get what you payfer.

July 8, 2016 - Apparently he couldn't find the phone, either

My old boss was a really big scoffer.
Where's the docs? "On your desk." I would offer.
Stuff was right where they'd say.
Now I'm betting some day
In his closet they'll find Jimmy Hoffa.

July 9, 2016 - How not to cut overtime costs

"Everyone has their price!" says the staff.
What they're doing would cause you to laugh.
Eat a meal, shoot the breeze,
Check a job, all with ease
Just to get paid for time and a half.

July 13, 2016 - See, IT project governance works!

Help the front line? I'm there to assist.
I was sure there was nothing I missed.
What did higher-ups say?
They spent many a day
Finding problems that didn't exist.

July 14, 2016 - Hey, how hard could training be?

When the PC was just a new creature,
My store wanted to teach every feature.
We had hoped it would click,
But it ain't worth a lick
If the training won't have a good teacher.

July 15, 2016 - Well, it USED to work just fine!

At remote sites, there's plenty to do.
There's a noise issue. That much is true.
When that engineer asked,
Was I done with that task,
I replied, "Dude, that ball was with YOU!"

July 18, 2016 - But...but where are your PRIORITIES?!?

"What's our DL plan? Here's what we'll do:
In hotels we'll put staff 'til it's through."
Are they married? Nice try.
Hear their wives and kids cry.
They'll be single for test number two.

July 19, 2016 - And then they had to ruin their imperfect record

There's no shipments? Now, how can that be?
Let's just go through the code and we'll see...
On that day, they were great!
Not one order shipped late.
When they're perfect, who isn't? That's me...

July 20, 2016 - Can you hear me now? OK then, HOW ABOUT NOW?!?

That director was yellin' and hissin'.
With that query, all records were missin'.
"We must upgrade." I'd said.
It won't get through his head.
You just can't force directors to listen.

July 21, 2016 - Hey, remember me? Because I sure remember you

While new people our firm is requiring,
An acquaintance, a new job's desiring.
In my mind, I did sneer,
"You sure ain't working here."
Then I wondered, "Is JIM THE BOSS hiring?"

July 25, 2016 - Or anyhow, esprit de something

Is it someplace to eat that you seek?
When Fred opened that door just to peek,
Wall to wall T and A!
Now the systems boys say
That's how Fred first discovered Moanique.

July 26, 2016 - With a name like that, what else could it be?

That one guy thought he's being so smart.
"Attachmate's for affairs of the heart!"
It is hard to dismiss.
It is thinking like this
That would cause Ashley Madison's start.

July 29, 2016 - Blue Screen Of Death, mainframe-style

That darned techie we called, I've a hunch
While he typed, he was sure out to lunch.
Since our mainframe had died,
There were some who'd decide
That a card isn't all we should punch.