June 2016

June 1, 2016 - Well, SOMETHING needed replacing!

They would call - "Why's my telephone dead?!?"
Every instance would point straight to Fred.
Cancel service by form?
That would not be Fred's norm.
He would just scan the obits instead.

June 2, 2016 - Now THAT'S a denial of service attack!

There's some testing that group had proposed
Which would see if our network's exposed.
With a rock and balloons
Filled will water, we soon
Found a new way some servers get hosed.

June 6, 2016 - Wheel, reinvented

Said the fish to the younger guy, "Son,
I am sure that your bubble sort's fun,
What was cool in your class
We might call slightly crass
We use libraries. That's how it's done.

June 7, 2016 - To stop speaking to a real person, press 0

I'm so good that I've got callers gawking!
Am I human? This one guy is balking.
He won't listen to me!
He wants human, you see!
I'm like "Tech support geek: Stephen Hawking!"

June 8, 2016 - Good news: No flood problems! Now the bad news...

It was water our pilot fish seeks.
He was looking for puddles and leaks.
His report, it would say
There's no flooding today,
But that building's security reeks!

June 9, 2016 - 'We don't care. We don't have to.'

The phone comp'ny I'd sure like to picket.
They'd keep losing my DSL ticket.
Later they'd like to know
"Where's the DSL go?"
I'd sure love to tell them where to stick it.

June 10, 2016 - Why we love users, on-the-wrong-track edition

Why's his email been running like schitt?
Lots of help desk techs have to admit
In the debugging laws,
What's the usual cause?
It's the one thing that users omit.

June 13, 2016 - Six weeks, six months, six days

When my comp'ny and I had been parted,
To a medical firm I soon darted.
In time units of six
I wound up in a fix.
Now I'm back at the place where this started.

June 14, 2016 - But c'mon, who works long hours these days?

Office moves are a task that I hate
With a telco whose speed isn't great.
They were slower than heII
To install DSL.
What's that acronym mean? Don't Stay Late.

June 15, 2016 - A little knowledge...

Can that engineer get off our backs?
Our computer he always attacks.
It's like Friday each day,
'Cause he always will say,
"Just the VAX, man. I just want the VAX."

June 16, 2016 - Always, ALWAYS get your receipt!

When submitting that tire fix receipt,
I had hoped I could be more discreet.
It might make someone sick
Since it's signed "DIRTY DICK",
But at least my report is complete.

Now let's see if it will make it past the CWHNE...

June 17, 2016 - 'Your resume is sitting on the fax'

I'm a guy this place thinks should be hired?
That's my resume! I could be fired!
Is it such a big task
That a client you'd ask
"At this time, is our service required?"

June 20, 2016 - Welcome to Monday, when everything is your fault

Could we please ship this guy to Toronto?
"Fix my laptop, and I want it pronto!"
What you've said, it can't be,
So don't go blaming me!
I would say he's "estúpido tonto."

June 21, 2016 - What else would you wear on a birthday?

At the office, I told the guys, "Suckers!
'Twas a party with plenty of truckers
And a lady quite nude,
And I'm telling you, dude,
What I wanted to do was to take her out for a cup of coffee."

June 22, 2016 - When all else fails, trot out the dog and the pony

A complete demonstration I'll make.
Just how long will my mail merge test take?
When they ran side by side
It could not be denied.
Now the staff's lost its half-hour break.

June 23, 2016 - We handle all kinds of problems here, but...

There's a problem? Sir, what can it be?
The guy's losing his cool
'Cause they've lost all their cool.
Which is caused by an AWOL A.C.

June 24, 2016 - It's just the job for you!

Hey, recruiters! You know who you are!
To avoid conversations bizarre
So your calls will be cool
And not sound like a fool?
Here's a clue for you: RMFR!

June 27, 2016 - If you wondered why Windows XP is still around...

Hats to Prime seven-fifty they doff!
Do its upgrades? "Heck, no!" they'd all scoff.
Every one of them cheers,
"It's been running for years."
It went south when we turned the thing off.

To a halt the thing went with a screech.
A technician I then had to reach.
While an engineer toiled
I went out and got spoiled.
For those two days, my life was a beach!

June 28, 2016 - Suddenly the answer is perfectly clear

While I worked, I soon started to ask,
"Why's my mouse giving me so much sass?"
When that laser appeared,
Like that table, it's clear.
What I'm on was a pane in the glass.

June 29, 2016 - It's just like hardware, only softer, right?

There's a hardware guy leading our troupe?
When we talked, I was knocked for a loop!
He loves Access, that's clear.
Now our group he will steer
When it's clear he no habla's Hadoop?!?

June 30, 2016 - That parking spot would sure come in handy, huh?

"What you ask makes my head start to throb.
From my mortgage, its funding you'd rob?
The space next to the door?
A free lunch? And there's more?
What's a prize I could use? IT'S MY JOB!!!"