April 2016

April 1, 2016 - How we got the Barney Rule

Fool! April some become won't HR
hit? the takes firm our While
quit then PC a Buy
school. to us took he Barney, Because
rule new a got we've office our At

April 4, 2016 - Hey, if adult coloring books are so popular...

Make a color print? I sure could do it.
But the printer we've got really blew it.
How to do it as planned?
Do the colors by hand?
Is this first grade? I said, "Nah, just skrew

April 5, 2016 - OK, it's not true, but doesn't that SOUND better?

Their reply was just so well rehearsed.
"All the contractors, they'll be hit first."
That employee would say
When he's told he's okay,
What they meant was "Prepare for the worst."

April 6, 2016 - So when will you be able to do this?

I work part time to make more dinero.
For this chain, I could be a big hero.
Though I'll make a few bucks,
Our darned scheduler sux!
It likes 10's, but I rate it a zero.

April 7, 2016 - Hey, where's the fire?

Some assistance is what we require.
Without which the results could be dire.
We're detecting some smoke
Causing people to choke.
We found out where there's smoke

April 8, 2016 - You, I like. That other you? What an idiot!

There are days that a fish just can't win.
Strangling customers? That is a sin.
While the first me he'd hate,
Still the last me is great?
He first talked to my new evil twin.

April 11, 2016 - The logo right below her screen? Too easy to see

There's some fish who might want to abuse her.
She's a favorite - I tend to excuse her.
"It's a D.Y." she said.
Did she mess with my head?

˙ɹǝsn ǝɥʇ ǝʞıן ʞuıɥʇ noʎ uǝɥʍ sdןǝɥ ǝɹns ʇı

April 12, 2016 - First-name basis

Seven Barneys? The odds of that - slim.
Work with four at one time? You can't win.
As I'm writing this verse,
I thought, "What could be worse?"
That is working with one guy named JIM.

April 13, 2016 - Priorities

Said the CIO, "Listen here, sonny.
You might think that this answer is funny.
When Donald does Daisy,
That GIF may be crazy.
What interests us here? Only money."

April 14, 2016 - They didn't reinvent the wheel, just the circle

Work OT? Instructs HR to me
A request should come ASAP.
Those requests every day
They must get my OK
Even if the request is from me.

April 15, 2016 - Urgent, redefined

That darned guy from the NOC has some gall!
Wants a check on a server? That's all?
Called the vendor. We know
Their response time is slow.
Glad my new job won't put me on-call!

April 18, 2016 - WAAAAAY cheaper than getting the ax

My wife thinks that it's brains that I lack.
I am sure she will give me some flack.
She will yell, "Not again!"
When I have to explain
Why I have to go get my phone back.

April 19, 2016 - Hey, he gives it LOTS of thought before saying yes

There's a rule the last time that I checked it.
When mailing the masses, expect it:
Two approvals you'll need
When you're doing the deed
Unless telling some kids they're accepted.


April 20, 2016 - RTFM: Still our favorite four-letter word

All those problems got into my craw!
That thing's junk! We have seen the last straw!
It convinced all of them
To just RTFM
When the UPS lived Murphy's Law.

April 21, 2016 - Out of the mouths of babes and HR reps...

To HR I would go on a trip.
"You had better watch out or you'll slip!"
Sure, that PC's plugged in,
But still, to her chagrin,
She did not check the plug on that strip.

April 22, 2016 - Now THAT'S the way to wind down a job!

'Twas a story that some would call numbing.
Yes, the fish could just sit back a-humming.
Tweak a site, write a book,
Teach a class, learn to cook...
They just kept those ol' paychecks a-coming!

April 25, 2016 - This is why we do training AND documentation

'Twas a night that had second shift floored.
That red button? He pushed it? Oh, lord!!!
Every server went down!
The guy looked all around,
And he said with a frown, "¡Muy adverso!

April 26, 2016 - OK, that one's wrapped up. What's next?

There's a project we can't do with slowness.
It's a biggie - our group's major onus.
We're done quickly, you see,
All because of group B.
That should earn us a pretty large bonus!

April 27, 2016 - Now that you mention it...

Our encryption's important, you see.
That SHA-1 is as old as can be.
When that meeting was through,
We had chosen SHA-2,
'Til our partner upgrades to SHA-3.

April 28, 2016 - See, people CAN change!

There's a guy with whom I used to work,
All his coworkers, he'd always irk.
I know it sounds strange
But most people can change.
Even JIM --- nah, he'll still be a jerk...

April 29, 2016 - But $1,500 for 'misc network equipment'? Approved!

Monday morning her mind was a blur.
There's an invoice attached? Are you sure?
A good invoice is not
In the quarantine spot.
What to quarantine? I would say "Her."