February 2016


February 1, 2016 - Tomorrow's lesson: Troubleshooting

Said the teacher who works at my school.
"My darned mouse won't work. That is not cool!"
What's its cause? I was floored.
A seat touching her board
Caused her PC to run just like stool.

February 2, 2016 - Unclear on the concept

"My computer needs mem'ry" she'd scoff.
I bought RAM so she'd then have enough.
I could go there one day
When she said she's away,
I just can't turn her stupid box off.

February 3, 2016 - 'Just drop off a phone,' redefined

To that user, I brought a new phone.
What's his password? That info's unknown.
First his aide had to look
In his day planner book,
Which is what at this guy should be thrown.

February 4, 2016 - We'll take our knowledge transfer any way we can

"This mouse doesn't move! Fix it please!"
Our techie, he solved it with ease.
To bring mice alive,
Press FN F5,
If that doesn't work, give it cheese.

February 5, 2016 - Because the user is always right, right?

Those adjustments - they must have one more.
Else that system can't go out the door.
Options one, two or three
With no testing? You see
With no specs, you get door number four.

February 8, 2016 - Fortunately, he was tidy but not TOO tidy

While deleting a lot of old junk, he
Made his PC start running so funky.
It takes guys like this featured
To think up weird creatures:
Part baby, part puppy, part monkey?

Ah, yes! Who can forget this Mountain Dew Super Bowl ad?

February 9, 2016 - Actually, it's easier without any surprises

Corp'rate layoffs are always a heII.
Will this fish soon be put on the shelf?
"Don't tell me I'm through!
There's lots here to do!
Unless you'd like to do it yourself!!!"

February 10, 2016 - Maybe they finally realized there IS a problem?

Why's my PC still running like dogs?
All my disk space, some process it hogs.
Is the cause undesirous?
Some trojan or virus?
Or just some debug level logs?

February 11, 2016 - The second complaint was going to be 'no music'

She can't get to the net? Glory be!
Let me take a look. What could I see?
How's her workstation wired?
It's not as we've desired,
Since her laptop is hooked to Jay-Z.

February 12, 2016 - Well, it WAS a battery...

Said the readers about today's Tank,
At the top of the list this would rank.
There's no ifs, ands or buts.
This guy drove himself nuts
With a homemade Annoy-a-tron prank!

February 15, 2016 - So THAT'S who stole it!

There a teacher that's hard to ignore.
The mouse charger's gone? Just hear her roar!
Come on, didn't you hear?
They've been gone for a year!
Don't you know what a battery's for?

February 16, 2016 - Bet it would've made a LOT bigger impact in person

'Twas an outburst that some wouldn't like.
Some might even say "Fish, take a hike!"
Before it was explained,
I'm sure some thoughts remained -
Some like "No one can party like Mike!"

February 17, 2016 - Rule of thumb: No CapEx, no future

A screen hand'ler is how we should go.
We should write one, though costing more dough?
Lots of money was there
If it's called a repair.
Otherwise, it's a "capital no."

February 18, 2016 - Can you hear me now?

To the suits who make mucho dinero,
I'm becoming their phone fixing hero.
Was the problem a jack
That's unplugged in the back?
Nah, its volume was turned down to zero.

February 19, 2016 - So, SOOOOO much worse

I would say to the fish, "'Twas well played!
It sure sounds to me you had it made!
Getting canned is no fun,
But the way yours was done,
Things would be so much worse if you stayed."

February 22, 2016 - Isn't that what the org chart says?

It's an issue that caused lots of strife.
Causing tension you'd cut with a knife.
It's not too big a loss
To be known as "Mike's Boss."
It's much better than being "JIM'S wife."

February 23, 2016 - Best part is, in the end the user actually got it

"I can't save this darned file," she would grouse.
Is a thumb drive somewhere in the house?
Since a thumb drive it's not,
With the dongle you've got
Now your file has been stuck in a mouse.

February 24, 2016 - Sounds like they'll fit in perfectly here

They want GroupWise upgraded, and stat.
But their suits just don't know where it's at.
But with all customs stops
It's four months at best, tops.
They replied, 

I then thought to myself, "What the fock!
Though the upgrade, it surely will rock.
Getting English is cake,
Japanese we can't make.
ベストバイ is not at customs' dock.

So I said, "My reply you will hate.
Due to customs, it's gonna be late.
As it enters our lands
It's in government's hands,
So in short, you will just have to wait."

February 25, 2016 - How to win through intimidation...not so much

The director's new system - his onus.
One is needed? Why didn't he phone us?
Lots of funds are required.
Someone has to be fired.
Just don't mess with our CIO's bonus!

February 26, 2016 - Why we love our phones

Electronics are awesome to me.
My cool cell phone - now, what can it be?
An on-line bill payer,
An MP3 player,
A browser, a camera, a ... key?

February 29, 2016 - Why we, um, love HR

When HR had checked into my sources,
They came back and said, "Whoa, hold your horses!
It's as plain as can be
You've no bachelor's degree,
All because you are missing two courses!

"Since a bachelors is something you lack,
We must take that neat job offer back."
And so, what was resultant?
I stayed a consultant
Until I pursued a new track.