January 2016


January 4, 2016 - Well, it WAS a hardware issue all right

Said the guy, "What is wrong with my screen?
It's the strangest thing I've ever seen."
It's your magnet - rare earth.
Move it down from its berth.
And in time your Mac won't be so green.

January 5, 2016 - Why users (sometimes) love IT

Since a meeting that day she would face
She changed text at a tortoise-like pace
What I did earned her cheers
And it brought her to tears.
You should see her when she wins a case!

January 6, 2016 - Hey, this is important! What's taking so long?

Doing work for that guy wasn't fun.
"I don't care what you've got - GET IT DONE!!!"
The guy's job was not light -
Not like programs he'd write
While enrolled in Comp Sci 101.

January 7, 2016 - Will you also write the online training for that?

There's some training they say is required.
It's for all on my team that they've hired.
Well, my team numbers one,
But when all's said and done,
That doc's writing is surely inspired!

January 8, 2016 - Upgrade, downgrade

The old system, we all like to diss it.
The new system's so fast we could kiss it.
Our reports they could go
Out ten minutes or so.
With the new one, don't blink or you'll miss it.

January 11, 2016 - Because why would we want users to trust IT?

There's a problem we've gotta fix here.
Where's the funds for our storage? I fear
While requests were approved
All that money got moved
Into funding for hoookers and beer.

January 12, 2016 - Now that you mention it, there IS an easier way...

"Fixing patches? That's hard, plus a fee,"
Said the contractor to us, with glee.
See this contract? It's paid!
Says this poet, "Well played!
Now they'll fix it. It's easy and free!

Happy National Poetry At Work Day!!!

January 13, 2016 - Why we love power users

Why's the server hosed? I have a hunch.
There's a number of things - yes, a bunch.
Thought my boss, "Ain't that grand!"
As he threw up his hands.
Guess that's better than throwing up lunch...

January 14, 2016 - But now who will rewrite it once we're past Y2K?

Y2K - they are trying to bridge it.
Changing code would just cause me to fidget.
I'm a DBA, man!
Change my job if you can!
My career shouldn't ride on two digits!

January 15, 2016 - We need you to start RIGHT NOW!

When to start? Yes, my patience wore thin.
All those hoops to jump through were a sin!
It's my fault, there's no doubt.
In nine months I was out.
That's about what it took to get in...

January 18, 2016 - Why we love getting back to work on Monday

For her punishment, I am no glutton.
I won't laugh 'cause she's pressing that button!
There's one thing that I know:
It's to just let it go,
Or from her that night, I'm getting nuttin!

January 19, 2016 - Why not just monitor the installation with Skype?

No "Configure and Send?" Boy, that stung.
There's an excess of cash to be flung.
He'd send SME dudes
So the kiosks get screwed,
Just to make sure the things are well hung.

January 20, 2016 - Why we love HR

Committees, commissions and boards?
We don't Live Scan those members? I'm floored!
I thought everyone's scanned.
It's a secret, but planned?
I thought policies can't be ignored!

With the manager, our group will fight.
On security, we get uptight!
A Live Scan is not needed?
The laws they have heeded?
They've never done bad things? Yeah, right...

January 21, 2016 - Because more data is always better, right?

We must move. That is one sticky wicket.
Our new site, the big bosses will pick it.
When we found out, what gives?
That's where management lives!
Like those pins, we should tell them to stick it!

January 22, 2016 - If you're gonna be wrong, that's the place for it

Were the engineers Einsteins? You see,
They did not want to listen to me.
Supplies toasted? Gee whiz!
What had happened was his
Definition of insanity.

January 25, 2016 - Not the buffer overflow you were thinking of

"This darned PC is hosed!" he would weep.
It would overflow buffers, then sleep.
On the keyboard would lay
Huge reports on that day,
And then "beep beep beep beep beep beep"

January 26, 2016 - Good thing IT is rolling in extra budget, right?

Overcharging us? How can that be?
"We need profits! You'd have to agree!"
If they're set in their ways,
Maybe one of these days
They will set up their shop in DC.

January 27, 2016 - Your tax dollars at work, just not for you

This guy sent a note with a wish. He
Wants some info with specs somewhat squishy.
That wish we can't deny.
It's an outsourcing guy?
I had thought the request's kinda Fish-y.

RIP: Abe Vigoda 1921 - 2016

January 28, 2016 - Why won't we help users create good passwords?

Keeping networks secure is our aim.
The guy's password won't work. Who's to blame?
With our rules, he must choose
A new password to use
So his luggage and this aren't the same.

January 29, 2016 - Going...going...not going...going...

"Lightning won't zap this auction's machine,"
Says a note that's been stuck to its screen.
What's the bid? Twenty bucks?
I then thought, "What the Zuck?
That's the lowest bid I've ever seen!"

It's a bid from a worker? Get real!
Don't be making yourself such a deal.
Turn to Exodus, dear,
20: 15. It's clear
Read that verse - it says "Thou shalt not steal."

(Hey Sharky - nice pun at the end of the story!)