When the fish found the hub unreliable
He then found a solution that's viable.
The school's tech went berzerk:
"That Cat-5 just won't work!
If your notebook fries, I won't be liable."
So the illegal cable's still trusted
And the hub's certifiably busted.
If the tech gets a grade
On the tools of the trade,
Punctuality won't get A plus-ted.
When the fish wrote the documentation
For her system and its operation,
There she covered for suits
The back ups and reboots
All to save everyone from frustration.
But to cover with ultimate urgency
Every upcoming unknown emergency?
They will have to make due
'Til she's finally through
Giving birth with a doctor and surgeon, see?
This is the one that inspired this web page - I was rather happy with the second stanza, but was wondering if the filter was kicking off with words like "urgency", "ultimate", or "emergency." Maybe they thought that I was pulling a Nigerian scam...
Printer's menus became quite a jarrer
With the language choice set from afar-rer.
Though it was quite a hoot,
We could then troubleshoot
When the IT guy said "Sayonara!"
Said the fish on his trip out to Texas,
"For the system that's used that connects us -
Found a modem that's odd -
Ninety-six hundred baud,
And their hardware was not up to spec-ses"
So while waiting and password list trolling,
Two employees were cubicle strolling.
They were both at a loss.
"What's this thing you call DOS?"
"It's like Spanish habla Español-ing."
When they changed out the ERP system,
A department would always resist ‘em.
They were slow to reveal
All their corporate deals.
Future savings appear to have missed ‘em.
Was the call back support just a phony
From the help desk un-local-time-zony?
You may call it a hunch,
But she won’t have for lunch
Deep dish Lotus Notes with pepperoni.
When the painter for the public sector
Painted over the network connector,
It was just to respond
To requests from a blonde,
Thus avoiding the fish’s stern lecture.
When they couldn’t get IP addresses,
The fish was asked just what the mess is.
So the fish called IT.
They’ll be certain, you see,
For their skill set’s more sound than my guess is.
So two IT guys showed up and then
Performed testing again and again.
‘Til they found a rogue router.
This is a “No Doubter”:
I’ve got that address in my den.
When the help desk was called by the user,
There was something that seemed to confuse her.
Her laptop’s not needed,
Her wishes were heeded,
But now her screen’s only a snoozer.
By replacing the laptop slot’s dongle,
The fish calmed the director’s wrath stron-gle.
Seventeen were not fazed
For the three prior days
All along that the dongle was wron-gle.
Ever wonder what rhymes with "dongle?" ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!
Later in the day a really good story was posted by a guy who we thought deserved a Shark Tank t-shirt for his tale. I gave him what I could:
Transfer's stalled a fortnight and a half.
I was called to assist IS staff.
Though I had no degree
My job ran flawlessly.
Was she happy? Please, don't make me laugh!
The shop outage was by a remodeler.
The VP was an IT staff throttler.
Said the veep to our guy,
“You can mount the switch high.”
That’s security meant for a toddler!
When the engineer moved his computer,
It made our fish “Star Trouble Shooter.”
For the engineer groused
‘Bout his keyboard and mouse.
“So just switch the plugs, then go reboot ‘er!”
A new upgrade caused woe to the masses.
It caused web sites to run like molasses.
Many blades have all died,
And controllers are fried,
But the vendor did cover its tracks.
(Did you really think the expected rhyme would make it through the spam filter???)
|I've got to admit I took a lot of time on
this one, since I wanted to use a technique occasionally incorporated
in limericks: set up the rhyme and meter in the first four lines as
usual, then blow it all away with a last-second twist. The syllable
count and accents were great - the rhymes were exact in the first four
lines to set up a good punch-line in the fifth, everything was
pointing to a particular final word (that I'm sure EVERYONE KNOWS!!!),
and then I made the twist in the last couple words.
However, there were a few readers out there who incorporated Gollum-speak from "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings" to get the rhyme to work in the usual rhyme pattern - which pronounces the word "tracks" as "trackses." I personally never thought of that when I wrote this one. There are certainly a lot of different types of readers of the Shark Tank!
(Maybe I should have used "behind" instead of "tracks...")
While just scanning the docs on a whim,
The fish found a mistake in the trim.
ISO guy said “Shucks!”
And his spelling sure sucks.
Could the ISO guy be our JIM?
At the risk of my being demoted,
Used equipment was what I had quoted.
“Used equipment’s taboo,
You will quote only new!”
Hope the warning I got gets out-voted.
So the maker said, “We’re in the know.
All the tests are passed. Ready to go.”
But our technician said
That the motherboard’s dead,
“The boot message says ’Don’t tase me, bro!’”
Today’s fish and a friend found while screening
All the servers’ reboots and their meaning.
It’s not caused by some bugs,
Just the cleaning crew’s plugs.
Well, at least they’re not ICU cleaning.
This one was based on the urban legend about patients dying because a cleaning person would unplug life support machines in a hospital. The story at is on Snopes.com at http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/cleaner.asp. Whether it is true or not, I thought it deserved a little mention.
For the printer install to go faster,
Would rebooting just cause a disaster?
“No,” the shipping clerk scoffed,
“I can just turn it off.”
But no, really, it works! You can ask her.
Though we gave out extensive direction,
This one guy performed training rejection.
But his boss got him back
With the point of a tack.
Now he’s out with a nasty infection.
were many complaints that came from me
‘Bout the system conceived by a dummy.
They all fell on deaf ears,
And for over two years
The "permission denieds" seemed to numb me.
Said my boss, who I truly admired,
"You rewrite the thing as you desired."
After blowing two mil,
The veep's hopes we fulfilled
And my bosses' boss got his butt fired.