Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

May 8, 2020


May 1, 2020

HONORABLE MENTIONS (Also getting votes from our judges)
"We need to talk about the company dress code."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Said the manager, "Take my advice.
While an office job may appear nice,
For a centaur, it's wrong.
TV's where you belong.
You could star in those ads for Old Spice."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
The CEO wants to enter you in the Kentucky Derby
Ken Sheldon, Elon

If I catch you horsing around again, you're fired.
I hear you and Jennifer were playing Lady Godiva in the lunchroom.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


April 24, 2020

HONORABLE MENTIONS (Also getting votes from our judges) 
It's OK - your ex is gone. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST POEMS
With this ostrich's head in the sand, 
What her friend asked did not go as planned. 
"Are your eggs still around?" 
Since she can't hear a sound, 
She didn't say a word... 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

Other Entries 
You do realize that we really don't actually do that... 
I do that when I hear those "20 ribeye steak for $30" commercials too. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon


April 17, 2020

HONORABLE MENTIONS (Also getting votes from our judges) 
There's nothing on. Let's split. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST INSIDE JOKE 
I'm tired of all those news programs. Find a good Grey Poupon commercial. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST POEMS 
In these uncertain times, we must try 
Social distancing, though some will cry. 
While it may sound quite mean, 
We wish COVID-19 
Could curl up in a ball and just die. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

Other Entries 
Hey look! We're on TV again!!! 
I wonder where all the baseball games are... 
The problem with the coronavirus is that it's missing the lime. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon


April 10, 2020

BEST INSIDE JOKE 
I guess Marvin was here. 
It's a recipe for ... Grey Poupon? 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST POEMS 
These two Martians do what their boss asks. 
They've got trouble with one of their tasks. 
Land on Earth? They don't dare 
Since they get quite the scare 
From the Earthlings all wearing their masks. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

Other Entries 
Odd - when I say "Take me to your leader," they laugh. 
It says "No intelligent life in D.C." Let's try here... 
Ken Sheldon, Elon

A Salute to Ken Sheldon 
To rhyme sublime many crave, 
And Sheldon would learn it's the rave. 
You'd see it on highways 
The back roads and byways, 
His first job was with Burma Shave! 
Mike Perry, Eden 


April 3, 2020

RUNNERS-UP
"Are you watching those disgusting molting videos again?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

TIM'S PICK(S) My picks don't necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it's just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.
That buzzing isn't in your hard drive, it's you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

THE LIMERICK
Social distancing now is the norm.
Even insects will try to conform.
On line's how to be seen
All through COVID-19.
It's sure hard when you're part of a swarm.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
What is the latest news on the "Raid" pandemic?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

There's a human in your program and you can't find it?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I think you've been playing on-line chess a little too long.
So, which cow pie are you eating at tonight?
Can you help me get onto your WiFli?
Ken Sheldon, Elon