Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

February 21, 2020


February 14, 2020

RUNNERS-UP
“Yes, he did work in retail selling mattresses before.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“I’d like to introduce our new marketing director ...”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
In this group, there's a member named Flynn
Who will give things a positive spin.
He will wave and he'll smile
Through each issue and trial
Just as long as his motor's plugged in.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
He doesn't say much, but he sure is enthusiastic.
I agree - a Valentine's Day sale is a great idea!
Ken Sheldon, Elon


February 7, 2020

RUNNERS-UP
“Don’t do anything you’ll regret seeing at your wedding.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
All that to find the best price for Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST EARWORMS
Mommy likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
It's become quite an unconscious habit
See your phone or your iPad? Just grab it.
Check your Facebook or bank?
It's Steve Jobs you can thank.
Just ignore the kids - check out this tablet!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Since they're distracted, let's work on our mural in the hall.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I knew we shouldn't have made such a fuss over "Baby Shark."
Don't worry - there's no "Baby-Talk" language in their translate app.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

They've been that way since they put those sensors in our diapers.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


January 31, 2020

BEST POEMS
Once a maple, a pine and a palm
Discussed storms would act like a bomb.
"When it's windy, us trees
Bend and break with much ease -
It's much better when weather is calm."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
No, I can't see Forrest through us either.
Leaf me alone.
Pine for a lost love? You pine for everything!
Why would you leave the beach on your vacation?
Ken Sheldon, Elon


January 24, 2020

HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Now will you update your GPS maps?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Tim, It's Mort Walker. He wants his premise back.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
This proves Ancestry.com saying you're related to Sgt. Snorkel.
Tim, It's Mort Walker. He wants his premise back.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
"Let's go somewhere today," exclaimed Bert.
"Lover's Leap sure sounds good," replied Myrt.
Bert then jumped at the chance
But grabbed onto a branch,
Since that stop at the bottom would hurt!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Hang in there!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Well, your fitness app wants you to start doing pull-ups.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Can I interest you in purchasing some life insurance?
I've been going through your messages - who's Trixie?
The Uber guy says he'll be here in 15 minutes. Can you hold on that long?
Ken Sheldon. Elon


January 17, 2020

BEST POEMS
On the date of December the twelfth,
E. L. Fudge tumbled down from a shelf.
But the Keebler police
Solved this murder with ease -
He was pushed by a disgruntled elf.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
That's the way the cookie crumbles...
He sure had a crummy day...
Must be self-inflicted - there's no sign of milk.
Let's send in the K-9 unit to clean up the scene.
Ken Sheldon. Elon

Looks like someone didn't like the Girl Scout cookie price increase.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


January 10, 2020

RUNNERS-UP
“Next Pizza Hut in 1.664 miles.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST EARWORMS
I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle. I want to ride it where I like.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
In the gym there is so much confusion.
Lose some weight! Going there's a solution!
Though folks know what to do,
In just one week or two
They'll forget their New Year's resolution.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
C'mon - a hamster could do better than you!
Go another half hour or your husband gets you a rowing machine too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Peloton Bike: $2,000. Planet Fitness membership: $10 / month. Do the math.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


January 3, 2020

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Today we say goodbye to Bozo, Chuckles, Binky, Zippy, Bingo, Giggles and Clarabelle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

POEM - Not on Greensboro.com yet...
"On this day, we bid Giggles goodbye. 
It's a shame we're all destined to die. 
As we're leaving this place 
Let's remember his face 
Getting hit with a shaving-cream pie." 
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Today we say goodbye to Bozo, Chuckles, Binky, Zippy, Bingo, Giggles and Clarabelle.
Because of Floppy, we all have big shoes to fill.
He was a great accountant - no one could juggle the books like him
Ken Sheldon, Elon