BEST INSIDE JOKE
I told you they'd be on to you if you bet on "The Joke's On You!"
Who knew they'd stop carrying Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Go head, Clark, jump. The whole newspaper knows who you really are.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Over Patty, Sebastian would swoon.
But one thing made him change up his tune.
It is safe to allege
He went out on that ledge
When her husband arrived home too soon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You're taking this trampoline testing a little too seriously.
I don't think this is how Greg Louganis got his start.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
After Kanga had raised little Joey,
Her abs became really quite doughy.
So she went to the gym,
And she got really trim.
So now Kanga's become rather showy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I thought YOU had Junior.
I'm sure my car keys are in there somewhere.
Now if my magician's manual is correct, there should be a rabbit in there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don't think I'll EVER get rid of that stretch mark.
Darn! I forgot the bread!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
After Joey left, I thought it was a good place to store my boxing gloves.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“I hate watching televised concerts - too much sax and violins.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
“I hate watching televised concerts - too much sax and violins.”
My teeth are aching. Can you get me a tuba toothpaste?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'll be right Bach.
Stay here - it's more than you can Handel.
I'm just going out for a little fresh aria.
Don't worry - I've got my shopping Liszt.
I hate watching televised concerts - too much sax and violins.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Must be he really liked the "sax and violins"
gag...)
BEST POEMS
Kids all say, 'There's too much to distract us!'
Said the tuba, "We know what the fact is.
Music teachers all say
In the classroom each day -
If you want to be good, you must practice!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Cello there!
So the shrink says you're too high strung.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Did I hear you've been seeing a sousaphone on the side?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I told him he shouldn't use Dr. Tribbett as his primary care physician.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don’t know, he cured my fleas.
BEST POEMS
When Joe saw his best friend, he said, "Why?
That's a collar a dog would wear! Why?"
"Our health policy's cheap
So our debt won't go deep.
This is all that insurance would buy."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
He gets his dieting tips from "Veterinarians Illustrated."
Well, if he goes outside when it rains, he could drown.
It's a new trend - take the Nehru collar and make it bigger.
On the bright side, he hasn't cut himself shaving all week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You don't want to see it when he sneezes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
WIN #12!!!
WINNER
“Okay, it’s three pepperoni, two cheese and an order of hot wings.”
Ken Sheldon
BEST POEMS
It's a good thing King Arthur's a charmer
To the peasant, the serf and the farmer.
'Cause if no one would care,
There’d be nobody there
Inside every last suit made of armor.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
I can't wait for Sir Galahad's report on the Castle Anthrax.
Ken Sheldon
(I was hoping Tim would catch the shout-out to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail.")
BEST POEMS
Was the doctor some kind of imbiber?
From the notes that he gave his transcriber:
"He's not looking too good -
Like he's made out of wood.
Recommend he cut down on his fiber."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It's not the flu, it's Dutch Elm Disease.
We found traces of whale stomach lining.
A pencil sharpener is all your insurance will cover for your nose.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“It might not work, but it’ll be a great tourist destination.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
And Tim blessed the cartoon, saying "Let the Trump jokes begin!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Yeah, my kids think they don't need no education either.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the guy on the Great Wall of China,
"Here's a structure that can't be much finer.
Though this can not be beat,
Something else is so neat -
Those big dressers in North Carolina."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Well, it IS a family recipe.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Could you get me some Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Don't worry - it's a duck egg.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I only use the whites, and that's no yolk.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The Poem
To a rooster, this scene tends to sicken.
Bet their fatherly instincts will kick in.
I don't like eggs, you see,
So what's better to me?
It's that more of them grow into chickens.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Now days, that finger in the belly is called ‘harassment’.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Why's the gingerbread man filled with woe?
It's his finances. He's really po'.
Now he really can't stand
The bar's Pillsbury man.
'Cause he's making that Poppin' Fresh dough.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You thought the oven was bad - wait 'til a kid gets a hold of you.
Come to think of it, a gingerbread house IS kind of creepy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
"It's okay - I identify as a cat."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
"I thought 'cats' was spelled 'C-A-T-S'. "
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"It appears we're not welcome here now.
But I bet we can get in. Here's how:
When it's tricks that they seek,
If they ask you to speak,
You should always reply back, 'Meow.'"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
It's cute how they think we can actually read...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP“I
think your dog needs to go out.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“C’mon! Who still uses a flip-phone?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
“Would you be interested in a new home security system?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Where do you keep your Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"We've been robbed!!!" Joe would mutter and stammer.
"He broke in through the door with a hammer."
So a suspect was sought.
When he's finally caught
He would spend several years in the slammer.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I hear the Smiths have a flat screen. Want me to pick it up for you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Of course I'm a wet bandit! You left the sprinklers on!
Can I hide this loot here? The cops are coming.
Sue, what are you doing with this guy?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I think you can all see when they allowed betting on "Joke's on You"
results.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"There's a problem we have to discuss.
Why that drop? This solution's a must!
There's reductions required,
Some staff must be fired.
That's more bonus money for us."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Though the "Pay-Your-Age" promo at Build-a-Bear was a success, it was
a PR nightmare!
Oh, I'm sure Bob Ross could make it look better.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
We can all see when someone spiked the water cooler with Red Bull.
This seismological chart proves the quake was severe, but really
quick.
Ken Sheldon, Elon