BEST POEMS
"Folks are funny sometimes," declared Bob.
“First we're loved, then we make their heads throb.
We're cute as can be
When we're one, two or three
But they hate us when we're in a mob.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Well, it's all downhill from here.
My cause? Hard final exams. What's yours?
Boy, it's nice to go to the south every now and then.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
No, I don't think it'll grow back.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the candy cane, down on his luck,
"What that kid did sure took lots of pluck!
The kid bit off my head!
It has got to be said
We're much better when we're being sucked."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Geez - it wasn't so much the sucking as it was when he took that bite.
I told the guy, "Just a little off the top..."
No, I don't think it'll grow back.
I guess I won't be hanging from a Christmas tree anytime soon.
I'll get him back when he sucks me into a sharp point.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST REFERENCES TO THIS WEEK’S WEATHER
I was wondering why it says "Greetings from Greensboro."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Clearing driveways? It feels like a win
When it's done - looks as neat as a pin!
But some people will cry
When a snow plow goes by
And it fills their cleared driveway back in.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Hey, I'm over my head in water here. What's a little snow?
Weird, after each earthquake there's a blizzard...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HEY! COULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!? MY KIDS ARE SLEEPING!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
To the heel, this lone sneaker would say,
"Could the two of us go out some day?"
Said the heel, "To be fair,
We could not be a pair."
And she shooed the poor sneaker away.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
So you were a flat before you saw Hans and Franz?
Ed Sullivan was right. You are a really big shoe.
What have you got against jocks?
They got you at Payless? ME TOO!!!
You wouldn't believe the smell after a workout!
I wish he'd start using some Dr. Scholl's.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I could have been the national bird...
It all started when my father was released from a chopper in Cincinnati.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
O'er this season, this turkey's not thrilled.
It is likely that he will be killed.
Should this poor turkey's fate
Be on some diner's plate,
You'll be sure his estate will get billed.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Oh, I feel just fine. I'm hiding out here until Friday.
I keep dreaming of dozens of basters coming to attack.
I could have been the national bird...
It all started when my father was released from a chopper in Cincinnati.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
When Pinocchio met with the beaver
He broke out in a panic-caused fever.
Though he thought that he could
Like this chewer of wood,
He believed it was better to leave her.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I could make dowels - it's just "lie, snip, repeat."
Don't get any ideas, birch-breath!
One day I will be a real boy, and you'll still be a beaver.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
To his wife, his fresh kill he would show.
"That's too much for our fam'ly!" "I know!
We will keep what is best,
Then we'll sell all the rest
To the drive-in where Flintstones all go."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Brontosaurus again?
... and just where are we going to store it?
I was in the mood for a salad.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I know, dad still doesn't look as spooky as Michael Jackson.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In a mom and dad's conflicts and strains,
There's a problem that always remains.
With a zombie, it's worse,
Since they have to coerce
Every kid to eat all of their brains.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
No, we can't go to Washington. We'll starve.
C'mon! Look dead!
Behave, or I'll make liver for dinner.
You should be moaning, not humming Desposito.
Call me Mom, not Mummy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
He only seems interested in stories by Washington Irving.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In October, no ifs, ands or buts,
Pumpkins everywhere get lots of cuts.
Giving pumpkins a face
Is a job some embrace,
Others really love scooping their guts.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
All the other children think he's a hot-head.
Oh, I see where he gets it from.
He only seems interested in stories by Washington Irving.
Mr. Crane warned me about your family.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“My potion will be just as good as your mom’s.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Drink this and that Eddie Munster won't leave you alone.
Your mom's out helping Marcia, Queen of Diamonds.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In the sixties, there once was a show
Where an actor's switched. How did it go?
Did Samantha say "Why?
Darren's now a new guy?"
They had hoped that nobody would know.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(This poem made the paper - I was thinking of something about there being two Dicks (Sargent and York) but didn't think it would make the paper like this one would.)
Other Entry
No, dear, a male witch is a warlock, not a "manwitch."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(I liked this one...)
RUNNERS-UP
“He‘s got your brother’s eyes. Really.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
It's a fam'ly that looks really strange.
Frank and bride want a baby. Arranged!
This new babe of used parts
That they love with their hearts,
When it's changed, what they mean is, "It's changed."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
The doctor shouldn't have put a five-year-old's head on an infant.
When is the doctor going to build us a dog?
Imagine how much fun we could have on "Maury!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon