RUNNERS-UP
OK - It’s 25 pepperoni, 13 cheese, and five veggie.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
We're oppressed, and we had a solution.
We would rise up: a Yank revolution!
So that war we'd begin,
One that we would soon win,
And then later, a new Constitution!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Darn it, John! We'll run out of ink if we all sign like you!
A turkey as our national bird?!? Ben, go fly a kite!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I can't on the 4th - we're having a picnic.
No, Georgia, we can't start it with "We do declare..."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
A few months ago, I had resolved
To do Rubic's Cube. That's quite involved.
On each side, I'd apply
These new stickers I'd buy,
'Til the colors are right. Puzzle solved!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Boy,
did you get messed up last night!
Why the puzzled look?
Did anyone tell you that you look like the Partridge Family bus?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
You want to create a laundry detergent called the "Grime Reaper?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There's two things on which you can depend.
You'll be taxed on the money you spend.
And it's really quite clear
You may live many years,
You'll be met by these two in the end.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yeah, you can go home. It's kinda dead around here.
Joe's been scaring his kids, so go hide in his closet tonight.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This week's cartoon was an accidental repeat of an idea used on September 2, 2011. Another captioner called it a case of "Deja moo."
This week's cartoon:
Back in 2011:
BEST POEMS
New Poem
There's a folder the doctor would pull.
The results of the labs were in full:
"Here's a case so obscure,
For the patient is sure
Not a heifer and that is no bull."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Poem from 9/2/11
This poor vet’s being stumped by this cow.
She would like to make children go “WOW!”
Could she be of the ilk
That would give chocolate milk?
No, he just cannot figure out how.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I submitted several of the captions that I used back then, but surprisingly,
they did not get published on the blog. I did write a new limerick, and also
sent the old one too.
What you’ve got isn’t so bad. We call it “Slightly Irritated Cow Disease.”
Good morning. My name is Dr. Tribbett. Now, what seems to be the problem?
Looks like you’re fully recovered from being catapulted from that French castle.
So you like Chick-fil-A jokes? I think you’ve come to the right place.
We’re running a special – buy three gastric bypass bands and you get the fourth free!
So, you say you’re feeling udder the weather?
Good news! Your prosthetic udder is going to be in next Tuesday!
It’s going to take a few days for your horn to heal. In the meantime, you’re just going to have to moo real loud.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I agree that a mime is a terrible thing to waste.”
Ken Sheldon
You don't say! (This was a runner up for another submitter)
Being claustrophobic in an invisible box is a problem.
Ken Sheldon
BEST POEMS
To a shrink, today's mime had to go
All dressed up just like Marcel Marceau.
Said the shrink, "Ve must find
Vhat you've got on your mind."
And the mime said, ""
Ken Sheldon, Elon
TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions. There were a lot of good ones this week – here are just a few more.
Does Amazon sell fig leaves?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Sexting me is unnecessary - I'm right here!
The serpent's put an ad for apples on Craigslist.com.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Exclaimed Adam, "This tablet so new,
There is something that's weird here. It's true.
While it sure is the bomb,
What's on Bible.com
Only goes up through Genesis 2!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“How’s the chicken flu vaccine testing going?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The mad scientist had quite a notion
About what he could do with a potion.
All your moves, they will quicken
Transformed as a chicken.
He calls the drink "Poultry In Motion."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
What do you think about my new soup recipe?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Have those Chick-fil-a cows been messing with your formulas?
Looks like your chicken pox vaccine needs some work.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
CULTURAL REFERENCE
I see love for you in "Toy Story 2".
Due to the Supreme Court ruling, you will soon be able to bet on "The
Joke's on You."
Ahh -- what's this I see? A house -- with a picket fence and a barn -- with a
weather vane and a -- of a -- of a running horse. No - it's - it's - a crowing
rooster. Yes, there's -- there's a woman -- she's ...she's wearing a polka-dot
dress....her face is careworn. Her -- her name is Emily. Oh, drat! I've got the
wrong ball!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"So, Potato Head, why are you blue?
You need someone appealing! It's true!
Here's your mate, undisputed!
She's really well-rooted.
Believe me, sir, this spud's for you!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I would advise you to stay away from McDonald's.
I see a lady spud with appeal in your future.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yes, your mother did have eyes in the back of her head.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I can see many nose jobs in your future.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
Old robots never die, they just become obsolete.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
It was a sad day when Tim found out he was betting on "The Joke's on You."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
No one ever said "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!" so convincingly.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"It's so sad that our friend here is dead.
There's a wish that he had that I've read.
Six feet under? No way!
I am happy to say
That he's being recycled instead."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other entries
Ashes to ashes, rust to rust.
He leaves behind his children, which are twin iPhones, a tablet, and a blender.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I remember his last words as he fell into the pool: BZZZZZZZZZZT POP!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Let me call Dr. Tribbett - maybe he's seen what you've got.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There's some apps many patients will follow.
Health by tablet? To docs, this sounds shallow.
They've used tablets for years
Just like all of their peers.
This new kind? They're just too hard to swallow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
WebMD says it’s PMS. Want a second opinion?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Can you hang on for fifteen minutes? HQ is coming on.
I saw your video on Facebook. Boy, were you dumb!
What you've got should just about pay off my Ferrari.
Nope - looks like I CAN name what you've got after you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, Pinocchio, you've got Dutch elm disease.
For $25, I can get you out of work for a day. $100 buys you a week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I SAID, ‘HOW DID YOUR DATE GO LAST NIGHT?’ “
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“I take it you’re not seeing her anymore ...”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Male mantises have an odd fate
When the urge comes upon them to mate.
To make sure he's not dead
From her eating his head
He should make sure she's already ate.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
So at dinner, she talked your head off?
Ooh, I see you got lucky last night!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I‘m running away with Siri.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
And, of course, from Ken “I was writing poems before it was cool” Shelton
(sic)
These assistants can cost lots of bucks.
Echo Dot's really short, yet deluxe!
These things cannot be beat
'Til they're made obsolete,
Then they'll make really cool hockey pucks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
No, I'm not a can of Pringles.
Ken Sheldon, Elon