Poem
Said
the caveman, "Me think fire big good!
Keep fire strong! Boy, need caveful of wood!
Fam'ly change what to eat!
Must hunt mammoth - get meat!
Plants in fire all burn up. That no good."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Entries
No like program. What in next cave?
Too hot. Need AC.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Me discover fire. Now must discover marshmallows.
OK - we marry now. Grog no got cold feet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I can recommend a good chiropractor.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
So, there was an earthquake when Tim was drawing you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Vets will love lots of creatures with fur,
Ask Tim Tribbet! I know he'll say, "Sure!!!"
Though it tends to draw laughs,
A sore throat for giraffes
Is a really tall order to cure.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I guess it was revenge on that pesky boa constrictor.
I don't think you're supposed to swallow Slinkys
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I never heard of anyone identifying themselves as an accordion.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
How'd the modeling session for the amusement park staircase go?
You've really got to watch out for those low hanging limbs.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Today’s topic: bowling pins - getting up after being knocked down.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“All right. Let’s get things rolling.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Why are cartoon bowling ball holes always so close together?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Thought the bowling ball, "I just don't care
For this basketball speaking up there.
In myself I have pride.
Since I'm solid inside,
Meanwhile, he is just full of hot air!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
There's a conflict resolution clinic with baseballs and bats.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“You really don’t need that piece of pizza.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
After some do their cookin' and grillin',
Lots of leftovers folks will be chillin'.
When they wind up forgotten,
They're moldy and rotten.
One day they'll become penicillin.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I think I'm in love with the microwave.
I secretly leave the light on after you close the door.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
CULTURAL REFERENCE
Let me tell you about Gene Rayburn...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The new match and the burnt met whenever
They both could with no thought of the weather.
The new's rapt as burnt says
We sure beat the old days
Folks would have to rub two sticks together.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Well, I did get lit...once...
Everything went downhill after we went on strike.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
I'm referring you to a specialist, Dr. Betty Crocker.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Joe the gingerbread man came to call
On the doctor who works in the mall.
"What is wrong here?" Joe said.
The doc bit off Joe's head
And replied to him, "Nothing at all."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I suggest you take it gingerly for a while.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'd be worried - your wife had a bouncing baby animal cracker.
Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
POEMS
In the bobsled, the riders all share
An excitement that's thick in the air.
It all comes to a head
As they jump in their sled.
After that, it's all downhill from there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Who farted?
AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
It's all downhill from here.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
Some Patriot fans just can't take losing ...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Oh, he always does that when Food Lion's out of Grey Poupon.
(Mine, though credited to Scott Tredwell in the category...)
BEST POEMS
"That guy's crazy," Marge whispered to Jack.
He replied, "Though he may be a quack,
If the world ends tomorrow,
Much cash we could borrow.
We won't have to pay a cent back."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
His mother-in-law's moving in tomorrow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I hear he invested in Bitcoin when it was at $19,000.
With all this smog, he's probably right...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Route recalculation.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions. OK, this was much too long to actually enter it for consideration to win, but I did enjoy the originality and goofiness of it.
A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. Chapter One. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Based on player-to-field-grid ratio, you are approximately 33 feet tall.
Order one hot dog with Grey Poupon. Use Apple Pay. Send.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Jenny: Run Forrest, run!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
It's an annual rite we go through.
Lots of munchies and cases of brew.
Where the host always serves
Mounds and mounds of hors-d'oeuvres.
Oh, a football game's going on too...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
The ball will arrive in three...two...one...
Is your health insurance paid up? If not, click here.
To watch Justin and Janet at Super Bowl XXXVIII, click here.
Mom: LOOK OUT!
The Vegas point spread is down to three and a half points.
Analysts predict number zero will be carted off with a really grotesque injury.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
See Dick. See Dick run. Run, Dick, run.
Slant pattern: run up the field at a 45-degree angle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Coach: YOU'RE RUNNING THE WRONG WAY!
Wife: Don't forget to pick up milk and eggs on the way home.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“We do all the work and the jars are shaped like bears?!?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Did you hear they're coming out with a honey flavored Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Oh, bee-have!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
POEM
"Where on earth have you been? I've been callin'!
I've been stuck in our hive loudly bawlin'!
In the flowers, you say?
I don't buy that! No way!
Since you don't smell of nectar or pollen!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You didn't hear? Everyone's all a-buzz about it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I really like those Steelers' throwback jerseys too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I’ve heard of being beside yourself, but that’s ridiculous!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Could one of you run out for some Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
If one of you likes cooking, would he be the clone on the range?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"Here's my clone!" the mad scientist snorts!
"There's advantages to it. All sorts!
In the daytime, my clone
Can work here all alone
While I stay back at home in my shorts."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You must really want that Doublemint commercial...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Enough double talk from you two!
Does it work on money?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
With our weather, the forecast was bleak.
Lots of havoc on roads it would wreak.
Though our kids all would say,
"Let's build snowmen today!!!"
I'll be glad the snow's gone in a week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yeah, it IS kinda like raining body parts to a human...
It looks like my mother-in-law's coming for a visit.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I’ve got ”Stay off the sofa.” That’ll last about a day.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.
Yup, this year I'm only barking up the right trees.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Must be Tim resolved not to run a "Father Time/Baby New Year" cartoon this year.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Resolutions for dogs are quite tough.
What their masters will teach? Not enough.
Make a self-imposed sin?
All their instincts kick in -
For a beagle to keep them is ruff!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
I'm going to make the cat curious. You know what they say about that...
Ken Sheldon, Elon