HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“We’re out of harps. Would you like an accordion instead?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
No, you probably shouldn't have tried the Green Poupon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
One more question: What is the airspeed velocity of a laden swallow?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
When Joe died, up in heaven this chap
Met St. Peter. Joe's life he'd recap.
Joe asked, "Sir, did I sin?
Will you let my soul in?"
"Oh, it's all in my 'Book of Life' app.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
So, another one whose last words were "Hold my beer?"
Well, you know what we think about atheists up here, don't you?
So that's Johnson, table of one...
You ought to see Heff's mansion.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Yup! Nailed it!!!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
The reason Tim didn't draw us with martinis is we're supposed to be working!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
A screwdriver, a wrench, and some pliers,
Hammer, saw, and a cutter for wires.
While there's many to choose
It's important to use
The right tool that your project requires.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Hammer Time!
Does everybody know what time it is? TOOL TIME!
So, did you wrench your back again?
Don't lie to me. My friend here saw you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Tim missed the Home Improvement reference?)
RUNNERS-UP
“Just once I’d like to buy a full sized car.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
He takes the term "Grey Poupon" way too literally.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE “IT” EDITION
He likes tying red balloons onto storm drain grates.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
To this counselor, these two were bound.
Where their spark went remains to be found.
Something's deeply amiss -
What was once wedded bliss
Is today merely clowning around.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
He never takes me seriously.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (this verbatim was actually a runner up for someone else...)
I'm worried - he keeps using my makeup.
Since Ringling Brothers closed, we're stuck doing birthday parties.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Maybe you could change your flag to white.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Haven’t they even heard of email?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
They're all requests for Grey Poupon samples?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Neither snow, rain, nor sleet, nor night's gloom
Keeps Joe's mailman from getting mail too'm
But it's not true for Mike,
Since his Doberman, Spike
Makes the mailmen all fear of their doom.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I guess they are getting their Christmas cards out early.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Looks like his work-at-home business is taking off.
Sorry, try talking without your mouth full...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“You did WHAT to the car?!?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST SONGS THAT’LL GET STUCK IN YOUR #@&$% HEAD
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Crash test dummies - they cannot be beat.
Impact tests in the passenger seat!
They risk breaking their necks
So we’ll walk from the wrecks
Caused by dummies we find on the street.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I’m so proud of Junior. He failed his driver’s test again.
How did the interview with Mythbusters go?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Watch out, Mom says you’re next.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Mom puts my drawings on the fridge. Why wouldn’t she like a mural?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
If there's someone this kid should be thanking,
It's those "experts" he'd give the top ranking.
When he's naughty, they've pleaded,
A "Time-Out" is needed.
He's no longer scared of a spanking.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I guess cats aren't supposed to be shaved.
Now I know what PMS is.
Did you know baby sisters don't bounce?
I guess I shouldn't have used that new word.
You're my lawyer - file for an appeal.
I learned dogs don't like to ride in the dryer.
But mom always uses that word when she's driving.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't put Mentos in Diet Coke in the house.
I put Alka-Seltzer in the fish tank.
I told mom her blank, brown picture was stupid.
Oh, nothing. I just like corners.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
At the head of a river is where
Salmon spawn, swimming days to get there.
'Tis a journey extreme
Where they're swimming upstream
Hoping they won't be lunch for a bear.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I hear this swim is un-bear-able.
Yeah, but look at we can do at the end...
I see the fish ladder. Where's the fish elevator?
We should have picked a shorter river.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“You spelled it wrong. It’s cloth-owl-rope, not cloth-rope-owl.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
This story you're writing really sphinx!
That merchant sold you a bad chisel. Egypt you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The dam project complaints they will file.
Building river sized dams takes a while.
They will swear to the hilt
That they cannot be built.
You might call it a state of de-Nile.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Someday they might make a crappy movie about this alphabet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Of complaining, the doctor phone's weary.
So he said to this patient phone, "Dearie,
Why's that hurting down there?
I don't know! I don't care!
Don't ask me! You should try asking Siri!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I’m not a doctor, but my home page is WebMD.
Oh, the normal life span is about two years.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
My next stethoscope is going to be Bluetooth compatible.
Tell me, why do you feel like app?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Be careful. Don’t drink and fly.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
To a bar these two flies went to pout
About all that their lives were about.
They would frequent this dive
'Til a SWAT team arrived.
Before long it had wiped them both out.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm trying to get buzzed.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I must be buzzed - I only see one mug.
This beer tastes like cow dung - I LOVE IT!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Has anyone told you that you look like a big computer key?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
The only thing I couldn't wipe clean? Hillary's server.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
Yup, that's how we used to be made. Would I lye to you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
It's a given: we have to use soap.
Those not using it we'd call a dope.
Most of us could relate:
If they'd ask for a date
We would have to reply to them, "Nope!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm really twins that stuck together in the tub.
Boy, was she cute! We called her "Bubbles."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I promise, if I win the election, I'll clean up this town.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I wish that kid wouldn't swear. His tongue tastes awful!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, and don't rub him the wrong way.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
On his date, Tramp is all hot and sweaty.
On his mind was a thought that's not petty.
It would make his heart race.
Could he reach second base
If they shared a big bowl of spaghetti?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I hear they've got the finest toilet water in town.
Don't worry - it's just a candle, not a firecracker.
I'm not used to having choices. It's usually one brand until master runs out.
This restaurant received four paws.
The chicken here's "tail waggin' good!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
TIM’S PICK(S)
Tough one this week – LOTS of good captions. Here are some I liked that didn’t get votes.
I hear "Esc" got away again.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Before Tim 's note, I thought we were bars of soap...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
With computers, a lot can be done.
Surf the web and play games that are fun.
While we press lots of keys
So it does as we please,
In the end, it's just zeros and ones.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This was actually submitted last week, but got included late.
Decided it actually worked for this week too.
This cartoon has me signalin' Mayday!
I'm at a loss for words to say.
Inspiration I could direly use,
As I seem to have lost my muse ...
Oh, to be Ken Sheldon for a day.
Walt Hayes, High Point (Gotta love that punch line!!!)
Other Entry
Geez, "P", it really stinks whenever you stand near "U".
Ken Sheldon, Elon