I couldn't help but laugh at this poem sent in by Walt Hayes
This cartoon has me signalin' Mayday!
I'm at a loss for words to say.
Inspiration I could direly use,
As I seem to have lost my muse ...
Oh, to be Ken Sheldon for a day.
Walt Hayes, High Point
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Stay away from coyotes chasing road runners.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
The cause of death was … how do I put this? Remember that scene around the campfire in "Blazing Saddles?"
Mike Perry, Eden
Stay away from coyotes chasing road runners.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Joe had suffered a terrible fate.
Let a cherry bomb go way too late.
Now, what I understand's
When he counts with his hands,
The guy only can go up to eight.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You're going to be a pop.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Getting a nose reduction will make you more aerodynamic.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, not heartburn, watch out for fuseburn.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I hear when the wolf would submit his captions Thursday night, Tim moved the blog release to Friday morning.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There's a question I have to ask: Why?
Where'd the plans those pigs had go awry?
Build a house out of sticks?
Out of straw? Out of bricks?
We know pigs all belong in a sty!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Red Riding Hood warned us about him.
Before he ate my brothers, I just thought he was full of wind.
Is there any law against boiling water in my own house?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I partially blame the makers of that COPD medicine.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Of course, I got the waterproof screen.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Check the phone," said the goldfish named Matt.
"There's a pest to get rid of, and stat.
Find the SPCA.
We must call them today,
For we have to get rid of that cat."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Well, I remembered how it works three seconds ago...
Does PetSmart deliver?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't click that link - it looks fishy to me.
I hear that's a phumaning scam.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE: “Covfefe” edition
I just got a new menu item – Kathy Griffin’s career.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I haven't seen Ellen's Aunt Edna. Why do you ask?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
I've changed my wildebeest recipe - it's gnu and improved.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There's a vulture that's looking for flesh.
Here's a food truck that's run by Manesh.
There's no sale here today.
The bird's flying away
Because all his food's way too fresh.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Squirrel's hard for me to get, but I can hit plenty of deer.
I suppose I could let you have what doesn't sell...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“What the heck is monosodium glutamate?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)
“Yes, we can!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the red can, "I see what they did.
Lots of additives makers have hid.
Aspartame, MSG,
Red dyes one, two and three.
They make doctors start flipping their lids."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
No, I'm not doing the can-can with you.
Well, don't flip your lid over it!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Odd - before the lumberjack cut her down, he was skipping, jumping and picking wild flowers.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
'Twas the death of ol' Sue, the oak tree.
A new playground, the school kids foresee.
Every tree, one and all
Had to see that saw saw
So now Sue is a see-saw to be.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
63, 64, 65, 66. See? I knew she was lying about her age!
I guess that guy cut her down to size.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Geez - I thought I heard him say 'Just a little off the top.'
He wanted to get back to his roots.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
He went to go work in a branch office.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I don't care if he's so "Ronery," I still say "No."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Go Team America!
Yes, my name's Annette. I thought you might want to marry Annette.
My grandmother once performed at Körner's Folly.
Ken Sheldon
BEST/WORST PUNS
Yes, my name's Annette. I thought you might want to marry Annette.
Ken Sheldon
BEST POEMS
At the dating site, these two folks matched.
But her love from his heart was soon snatched.
Wiping tears from her cheeks,
He's not someone she seeks -
She wants someone with no strings attached.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Sorry, you're just too high-strung for me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Win #10!!!
WINNER
“I never heard of the Brad Pitt app until now.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting votes from the judges)
“This way, she can take dance lessons, I can watch sports.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
“Since she bought the Mall of America app, she won’t take the thing off.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
As long as she keeps moving her hands, those lines will stay right there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I didn't know Dr. Ruth had an app.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There are headsets we know as VR.
Some will say that this trend could go far.
You can use them in places
Like wide open spaces,
Just not while you're driving your car.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
It's an environmental app called Virtual Tree Hugging.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
This cat's owner sure thinks he's so hot.
Since a new laser pointer he bought.
Would both good and bad laugh
If he scratched the guy's calf
While he's chasing that stupid red dot?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Cough it up. The last Friday is April is always National Hairball Awareness Day.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't poop on the floor now. Wait until he's asleep.
He'll love your present of that dead mouse.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“What do you mean, ‘How do you spell SOS?’ ”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Seven people the Minnow would strand.
Declared Bunny, "Here's Sherwood's new plan:
I'll be headed home fast,
And instead he will cast
A new Ginger and add Mary Anne."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
...and just what are we going to do during high tide?
It just had to be the UPN version of "Survivor," didn't it?
Would you stop singing the theme to "Gilligan's Island?!?"
What do you mean, "How do you spell SOS?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don't know. It needs to go three feet towards you.
There's plenty to eat! Look at all the sand which is here!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
"I wish you wouldn't refer to layoffs as "hare-cuts."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
It figures - our busiest time of the year, and Tim goes on vacation...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the CFO, "We're going broke!
All our eggs tend to break with a poke!
This can not be denied:
They are hollow inside
Which, as one would agree, is no yolk."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
What did you think about the lion with the bunny ears?
Our new product? It's to dye for!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
That new chocolate giraffe won't be ready for another two months.
Ken Sheldon, Elon