BEST POEMS
At this bistro, a brief interlude.
Can their romance at all be renewed?
It's no bull - they thought, "Wow!"
Since their server's a cow
And the atmosphere set the right mooooood.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
No, I would not recommend the cow pie.
Welcome to Chick-fil-A.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I thought the first one had a real chance...)
I assure you, our milk is as fresh as it comes.
No - we don't have steak, prime rib or hamburgers. May I recommend the chicken?
I wouldn't take your beef to the manager - he's ALL beef.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
The kids are teasing me - one of my training wheels is on backwards.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There's a company out there called Nike
Who has been in the national psyche.
If some day, they would like
To start making a bike,
Would they tell us to call it a "Bi-ke?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
It's much easier on my Nintendo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
This is true - since the days we were little,
With our toothpaste tubes we'd like to fiddle.
There are some who these days
Still have not left that phase
Where they're squeezing their tubes from the middle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Of course you’re feeling used. We all do.
At least when you lose weight it’s hard to gain it back.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I see you hiding a grin, Ben. Did he think you were toothpaste again?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
As a kid, it was hard to decide
On a cereal. What was my guide?
How much sugar it had?
Too much sugar is bad.
It was what kind of toy was inside.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Snap, Crackle and Pop were murdered. They think it was by a cereal killer.
I nominate Lucky to run today's St. Patrick's Day party. Again.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I think Foghorn was killed because the farmer’s not a morning person.
Of course he’s got ties to Chick-fil-a. There are cows in the barn.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the chicken, "Sam's murder was vicious!"
While the farmer sat looking suspicious.
This the farmer won't win -
He's as guilty as sin,
But I've got to say, Sam was delicious!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Watching that expecting giraffe day after day drove him to do it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Of course we're underpaid - all we get is chicken feed.
I'd feel better at home if his last name wasn't Fox.
I know we can't fly, but you wouldn't believe how many wingless chickens he has.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Face it, Fifi the Poodle’s out of your league.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
From today back to times pre-midieval
There's a conflict between good and evil.
For a dog, it's their knack:
Evil won't give sticks back.
While the good favors thrown stick retrieval.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Toga party scene from the movie "National Lampoon's Dog House"
Don't chew the sofa - instead, chew the cat.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, don't chew up the "Best Picture" envelope.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Referencing the Oscar snafu)
RUNNERS-UP
“I thought you had the GPS.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS
“It’s easy. Just go left, right, right, right, left, right, left, left. You can't miss it!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
“They’re using us to test a new cubicle layout for their office.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Did you hear what happened to Algernon? Sad...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In a lab, these two mice we're appraising.
"Will they learn?" is the question we're raising.
While at first they were slow
They soon knew where to go.
In the end, both the mice were a-maze-ing!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Who moved my cheese?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm tired of this rat race.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I wonder how you get into the alcohol testing lab...
How did I do? A-maze-ing!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Here's a piggy bank's life in a flash:
It gets stuffed with some coins and some cash.
Then when some amount's needed
And contents exceed it,
Its life quickly ends with a smash.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Of course I brought our banker cousin in. Bricks cost money.
I guess that’s one way to bring home the bacon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
He's saving up for a Harley.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I hear he made his money investing in people bellies.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I was hoping for a giraffe.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
When the skinny balloon's finally found
It looks like it belongs in a pound.
You may ask, "Who's to blame?"
From a party it came.
Someone clearly was clowning around.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
On the plus side, he doesn't have claws...
If you rub him a lot, he won't go away.
He started out as a snake.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You’re right. He is quite the party animal.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Why did Tim have to have his kid draw me? Oh, Tim did? That explains a lot...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You shouldn't have let that intern Howser do the surgery!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
With the surgeon it came close to blows.
Liposuction gone wrong? I suppose.
Why's the patient so sick?
He is now just a stick,
And the surgeon has played "Got Your Nose."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You say the power switch on your liposuction machine got stuck?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Of course I'm a stick man. My regular doctor's a tree surgeon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'll take "The Works!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Did you have to map out what you were going to do on an Etch-a-sketch?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Well, I tried pressure-washing my Monet, and the thing disappeared.
Ken Sheldon
VERY inside joke …
I will check the JOU website on Thursday evenings before the paper comes out to try to get a head start on the next week's captions, and also to see if I made the paper. When I checked this week, the JOU page looked like this:
When I sent this caption in, I also included this screen shot so he could see what I was basing my caption in. One could imagine that power-washing a Monet would be a bad idea...
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Grog invent fire! He got Samsung Note 7.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
At their smartphones, cave-teenagers gawk.
They're in love with them. Boy, what a shock!
"Me text Facebooking clique!"
"Me send Instagram pic
Of me dinosaur lips! Smartphone rock!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Darn auto-correct turn "Ugg" into smiley face.
New Pong app awesome!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This make Flintstone look old school!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Me love new game. It called “Angry Pterodactyls”
Ken Sheldon (Second week in a row I was close - the winning caption was about
Angry Mammoths)
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Looks like the city's eager to move into the newspaper's offices.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
It’s funny ‘cause it’s true …
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I guess casting Billy the Puppet in "The Tell-Tale Heart" was a bad idea.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Now if cartoon physics are correct, you will fall while I float.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the boss, "I believe, Mrs. Wing,
What we see here, it really could sting.
Take a video, please.
We'll show HR, with ease
What we mean by 'We saw the hole thing.'"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It's nice to see junior has an interest in carpentry.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Looks like Mr. Taylor downstairs is putting in a ceiling fan.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yup - worst case of carpenter ants I've ever seen.
Now we know what a fish in January in Minnesota feels like.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Close - carpenter ants was used in the winning
caption...)
BEST INSIDE JOKE
How do I know you're sick? You've turned the blue blob green.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the doctor, "You've got quite a girth.
Your insurance I'll bill with great mirth"
Gastric bypass! IV's!
Medications! You see
He will milk them for all that he's worth.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I didn't think it was possible for milk to be pale.
I prescribe about 1 ounce of chocolate syrup per 8 ounce glass, mixing well.
Ken Sheldon, Elon