BEST POEMS
Is it safe here? The scientist shrugged.
"I believe at some time I was drugged.
So now what do you see?
It's a paranoid me!
I believe that this lab has been bugged..."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Guys might think that this scene is so wrong.
Girls would say that this girl is quite strong.
He will do what she'd say,
And for many a day,
'Cause she knows she can string him along.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Can poor Madge flee the fire? We're all hoping
With this blaze, there's a fireman who's coping.
What is causing the fire?
It's her flames of desire,
Since the fireman and Madge are eloping.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In the microscope, we can determine
What we're seeing could leave us all squirmin'.
Is the human race hexed?
We can't tell, since the text
On that cell phone is written in Germ-an.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Those emojis! Folks think that they're swell.
What's the reason? The best I can tell,
To some people's delight,
It allows them to write
Without grammar or having to spell.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
There a thing in school called Common Core.
It's a method few parents adore.
Doing math's quite complex,
Since it takes fifteen steps
Just to add twenty seven plus four.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Of course we're better mascots! Who's afraid of grasshoppers?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
A bat's life to a bat is pure bliss,
For their routine goes something like this:
They'll go hunting their prey,
Eating bugs every day,
˙sıɥʇ ǝʞıן ʇsnظ ǝʌɐɔ ɐ uı dǝǝןs uǝɥʇ puɐ
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
How's it hanging?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Is this your first vampire convention?
Ken Sheldon, Elon.
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You got that for sending in 100 captions to "The Joke's On You?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Every four years, those athletes with mettle
Will all swim, run, jump, lift, throw and pedal
They left homes far and wide,
So that one day, with pride,
They might win an Olympic gold medal.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Now they've got Belching in the Olympics?
I didn't think armchair quarterbacking was a sport.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Tim couldn't run this cartoon during the school year. Some administrator might get bent out of shape over a picture of a cannon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Those who try to date old widow Nast,
Some are great while there's others outclassed.
Those who don't match her taste
Meet her cannon, post haste.
Either way, all her dates have a blast.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm looking for a husband of higher caliber.
It's homework for his on-line circus acrobat course.
There's a Jigglypuff next door and he wants to be the first to get it.
He's late for his Civil War reenactment.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Here at Nanaco, we have a unique way of firing bad employees.
No one here says I have a short fuse. This one's a half a foot long.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
If I don't talk to him gingerly, he snaps!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the wife, just a little bit weepy,
"I could live in a tent or a teepee.
But my husband, that louse,
Wants a gingerbread house.
Don't you think that's a little bit creepy?!?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
I caught him in the jar with Lorna Doone.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I see dead people.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
The savannah's out of baby lion. A meercat and a warthog took the last one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
These two vultures go shopping? You see
There's no way that could possibly be.
For on many a road
They'll find deer, squirrel and toad.
They can get all they want, and for free.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ellen Griswald's Aunt Edna
Bernie Sanders' presidential aspirations
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Roadkill helper
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“When Timmy fell into that well chasing a Pokemon, I thought he deserved it.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
I had a ruff childhood.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Both the football and chocolate bar say,
"We should not need a shrink now. No way!
There's no ifs, ands or buts.
This here dog isn't nuts.
It's the people who make news today.
"Like those mobs of protesting nay-sayers,
Politicians who fleece the taxpayers
That Kardashian mob,
Kanye makes my head throb,
And those wandering Pokemon players."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
With our flag, our forefathers did feel,
"Use the primary colors' appeal."
There would be no dispute.
It'd be strange to salute
The "mahogany, egg shell and teal."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
We fought for our freedom. You take it for granted.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm "Old Glory!" At 56, you should be called "Middle-Aged Glory."
Ken Sheldon, Elon