The limerick made the paper this week!
BEST INSIDE JOKE
It's just like that whippersnapper Rickard - he sticks us on the porch and leaves us here for two weeks!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Done with movies where both got top billin',
On the porch our two heroes are chillin'.
Their retirement's deserved
After years that they served
With the threat of their deaths by some villain.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I can see how X-ray vision wouldn't be so super here.
Yup, I traded the Batmobile in for a walker.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Believe me - wearing glasses over a cowl isn't easy...
When my tablet got smarter than the Batcomputer, I knew it was time.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Of course, you’re staying home. You know traveling is illegal.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You've got March Madness again? I thought the shrink cured you of that!
Alright, what did you do with the door? There's usually a door here.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the lady ref, "Ball, it's a shock!
I've a shot at this house down the block.
It's a steal, Ball, don't laugh.
I think you should pay half.
We can't pass! Our new quarters would rock!"
Then she traveled by coach to the mall.
Bought some screens for back doors by the hall,
And a bench for the yard
With her new MasterCard.
All this stuff to the new house she'd haul.
She said, "Ball, is there something we lack?
Paint this house in this nice cul de sac?"
Then the lady ref laughed,
And said, "Shoot, am I daft?
I'm expecting a ball to talk back?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I decided on a pun laden poem this week. All underlined
words are used in basketball...)
Other Entries
Wilson, since I kicked out that no-good, big-nosed, football-loving ex-husband of mine, you're the only friend I've got left.
I'm sorry she left, but that's the way the ball bounces.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Honey, I‘ve worked so many games, EVERYTHING looks like a
basketball.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“That reminds me – your mother called.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
The blue blob? That’s over in the abstract section.
These were done during his “Migrane Period”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Edvard Munsch did a painting - "The Scream"
Showing life can be like a bad dream.
There are people who say
We can show that today
In the thing called an internet meme.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
This set is called “Brain Freeze.”
They’re called “One Day at the IRS Audit”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This group is called "Reactions to 'President Hillary Clinton'"
This group is called "Reactions to 'President Donald Trump'"
These are called "Grown-ups doing Common Core Math"
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Gotta be fair...)
These are from his "Tax Season" collection.
They're called "Road Rage."
The artist did these while waiting for the cable guy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
That's sure nice of Tim to give us an extra week so we can get our entries to the mailbox!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
These two tortoises raced on a dare.
One had wanted the race to be fair,
But the other'd enlist
A large rabbit's assist.
You could say that he won via hare...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
In the name for diversity, I say that the blue blob needs to be green.
I just finished my first marathon. Of course, I started in 2014.
Sometimes I think we'd be a good symbol for our political parties.
Wanna go down and tease the rabbits?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
"Oh, my word!" said our lady named Sheila.
"did I drink way too much bad tequila?"
Said her husband, "I checked -
What else would you expect
Since our dog was once owned by Bob Vila?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Excellent, as usual.
Other Entries
Looks like the termites have formed a gang.
Okay! Okay! We’ll build the doggie door tomorrow!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (The winner was similar in idea to the second one...)
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I can't understand why your son and Drac Jr. can't get this lesson - I've had it on the board since October.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Excellent
BEST POEM
"Your Pinocchio," said Mrs. Thom
In my classroom, he's never been calm.
Why's Pinocchio bad?
Driving other kids mad?"
He had found out his desk is his mom.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I don't understand why your son won't attend Wood Shop.
You say your son's been ill with Dutch Elm Disease?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Did the PA announcer say ‘Left foot red?’ “
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
We players must all be on HGH. Judging from the field markings, we’re about 20 yards tall.
AGGGHHH! MY SPLEEN!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
That sounds familiar ...
BEST POEMS
There's a team with a major head-liner.
Win the Super Bowl? There's nothing finer!
Now that all's said and done,
They've a Super Bowl won!
Who's the NFL champs? uh...Denver...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
A little help? I lost a contact!
I didn’t know you had a “Mother” tattoo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Let's get up - Cam's already scored and has given the ball to a kid.
Tom Brady would be happy - we've flattened the ball.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
The basketball recommended you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Was wondering what reference you’d make this time.
I’m never disappointed.
BEST POEMS
Said the shrink, "It is really quite plain,
Since for you, there's no need to complain.
Yes, the players' concern
Is so rightfully earned.
Unlike them, you have not got a brain."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm tired of being kicked around.
I prefer my real name: prolate spheroid.
...and with all that money, the NFL is still a "non-profit
organization..."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE
MENTIONS
“Oh, I'm sure he will assimilate to our culture!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"'Round this board room we all have a
credo."
Said the penguin one day in Toldeo.
"Polar bears can't be here -
We've a dress code. It's clear.
Everyone has to wear a tuxedo!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Somebody here's in the wrong hemisphere.
...and here to pitch the newest Coca-Cola campaign...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS
“I can approve the first two home loans, but not the third.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
These three pigs, their employment is ending.
For themselves they will find themselves fending.
Wooden kegs they would buy
They would leak and run dry.
'Twas a bad case of pork-barrel spending.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
...so while you drove him home, he kept going "Wee Wee Wee?"
A raise? But you're already bringing home the bacon!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
There's one last assignment for you at the Hormel plant.
B.B. Wolff is suing you for him falling into a pot of boiling water on your property.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
HONORABLE MENTIONS
“I must be getting in shape - I almost caught a car.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
These dogs go to the gym. It's because
They are working out physical flaws.
But their sweatbands? They're show,
For zoologists know
That dogs sweat through their nose and their paws.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Did you ever try lifting weights with no opposable thumbs?
After a good workout, do you get dog-tired?
Ken Sheldon, Elon