BEST INSIDE JOKE
Well, I was supposed to meet the Avengers here...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I would’ve been disappointed if you didn’t make that reference.
I'd get a mop if I were you - you've got blue blob all over your floor.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
Ah, the paws that refreshes!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the cat to the barkeep named Chaucer,
"My good man, I can't get any crosser!
Though I like some good suds,
To me, mugs are all duds.
Could you please serve my beer in a saucer?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You can put a good head on a mug of milk!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I've known since I was two that I really was a dog inside.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
LAST WEEK’S WINNER
“Well, if you can't, get out of the kitchen!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Paula Deen? Rachael Ray? Yeah, those guys!
In their cooking, they're ever so wise!
There's no way we could do
While we're watching these two
Make their world famous liver surprise.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
OOH!! AAHH! OUCH! EEE! OOH! AAHH! OUCH!
Well, it's still not as hot as it is outside.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
On the beach, crabs have nary a care.
They have plenty to feed them, I swear.
They might make quite a dish
Made of worms, krill and fish,
They can also eat sand which is there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I got the pre-fab model.
Are you making fun of the size of my can?
I believe in recycling.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Hey - a crab's gotta protect himself from those sharks!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I may look like a crab, but I'm really a whale.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Growing flowers? Some say I'd be crazy.
In the garden, I'm clumsy and lazy.
They would never grow tall
Since I'd step on them all.
What's the name they'd be called? Oopsie Daisy!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
AHHH-CHOOOOOO!!!
Show Off!!!
Do you know of a good petal-pusher?
Looks like he was going to love her not.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCES
What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys. See you later. Can I have them please?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
After four years away from their homes
This year's class, far and wide each grad roams.
With a glassy-eyed gaze,
They'll remember these days
Every month as they pay down their loans.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You can’t have your man-cave anymore, dad. I’m moving back home.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I got a nice surprise when on Sunday I was told Tim had used my limerick for the blurb in that week's piece.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCES
One more favor - can you make sure Charlton Heston plays me in the movie?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
North and South, folks have always agreed.
There are laws everywhere you should heed.
Though these laws, there are plenty,
Read Exodus 20.
You'll find every rule that you need.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Theses are kinda heavy. Couldn't you just text us?
You forgot "Thou shalt not use a cell phone in the theater"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I’m not what I used to be.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the dollar, "Inflation, you see,
Is a fact. Buy a candy bar, see?
In my day, this is true,
It would take five of you.
Now today it would take one of me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
No, inflation and getting fat are not the same thing...
I make more cents than you do.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm what they make before taxes, you're what left after taxes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
No wonder the beer tastes flat - they're only two dimensional!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The Avengers - a beer is their wish.
So they went to a bar in a whish!
Aquaman's not around -
The Avengers had found
When not working, he drinks like a fish.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Hulk, you're taking this St. Patrick's Day thing too far!
They spend a quarter billion on the flick and all we get is a lousy beer?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Whatever you do, don't ask Iron Man about his past drug use...
Something's wrong here - We're 3D but the beers are only 2D.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yup, you're right. Hulk smashed!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Last I heard from my brother was when he posted on Facebook that he saw Brewster Rockit.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Asked one sock, "May I be kind of BOLD?
ALL the laundry asks that they be told."
Once a-GAIN he'd take pride
He did DREFT on the TIDE.
It was fun, but the sea's XTRA cold.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
And he wonders why his underwear is always pink...
The dryer always makes me dizzy too.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“I guess the window guy never showed up.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED
“He must love his parents. He built this for his mummy.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUNS
“He must love his parents. He built this for his mummy.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Oh, the pharoah's a crook, it would seem.
He's got money! It's not just a dream!
Getting kickbacks a boom
From them building his tomb.
He would call it a pyramid scheme.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
The contractor made this too small. I'd say Egypt us.
The quality is not up to par. In fact, it sphinx.
Of course it's his condo made of stone-a - after all, he WAS born in Arizona.
Darn! We build a great roof, but no walls.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“These kids are driving me BATS!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CAPTIONS ABOUT A LOCAL TEAM
I smell dog-breath. Have you been seeing Miss Babe Ruth?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Mrs. Baseball so loudly did shout
To her husband, "Stop running about!
I don't want you to roam.
You are safe here at home.
The next time that you leave, you'll be OUT!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Your son's stuck on the roof again!
What's this I hear about you going on strike?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I see you've met Sally Forth.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OK, what’s the deal with your and Robert’s references about Sally Forth?
I'd say we found a comic Tim doesn't read...
You say after Tim ate your ears, he got sick and couldn't draw a cartoon for the 10th?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Chocolate bunnies and Peeps sure are nice.
M&M's? You don't have to ask twice!
Easter Sunday at last?
No, I praise one day past,
When the candy all sells for half price.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Nobody's going to mistake YOU for Prince Charles.
I SAID "HAPPY EAST... Oh, never mind...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
At least you won't have any problems with ear wax.
Ken Sheldon, Elon