RUNNERS-UP
“No, I'm not your father. I’m Uncle Si.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You know, I’ve got a feeling like we’ve been here before. Several times.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(Hey, if the cartoons can be recycled, so can my captions!)
BEST POEMS
First the cliff and the shutdown were bad.
Now Obamacare's making folks sad.
If you're thinking like me
Twenty fourteen will be
Called the year of political ads.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Well, I'm on Medicare and you can stay on your parents' policy until you're 26. They just have to find someone to pay for it.
I'd stay away from the Miley Cyrus Wrecking Company if I were you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Not only will you be paying off the national debt, but so will 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020...
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Another recycled caption from last year...)
RUNNERS-UP
“Do you think this is the right size for a fire hydrant?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Santa tried very hard. Could he match
The right gift for a dog in this batch?
What would please them by far
Would be getting a car
That a dog would be able to catch.
Merry Christmas to Tim and all the readers and contributors to "The Joke's on You!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Just what I wanted! A big sock!!!
I told Santa what I wanted this year: Bacon Bacon Bacon!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Hermey, since you're the elf dentist, can you get that kid his two front teeth?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Explained Santa, "Your work can't be finah.
Toys are loved down in North Carolina.
But our costs are too high.
So I'm telling you why
I have outsourced the workshop to China."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Because of the ACA, I have to cut you to 29 hours per week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
We're going to visit his uncle at Calvin and Hobbes's place.
Ken Sheldon Elon (credited to David Core, Greensboro)
BEST POEMS
Mrs. Snowman wants children, you know.
Told her husband, “Let’s give it a go.”
Soon she said, “Glory be!
We are gonna have three!
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I know I'm pushing a carriage full of water. He's got a fever.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Stan puts lights on his house up in scores
It's a task that he really adores.
But he soon found out that
He is not like a cat
When he fell, landing hard on all fours.
Yes, he broke every leg, arm and hand.
But he's lucky, or so relates Stan.
And the reason, I hear,
He'd pay way more next year
Since Obamacare cancelled his plan.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I warned you – never underestimate the fury of women at a sale.
What you saved on the wide-screen TV we’re going to lose in medical bills.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I told you yesterday that you were too old to be playing football, didn’t I?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Not really inspired by this one...
BEST POEMS
"Come to order!" announced the new chief.
"All those cows have caused Chick-fil-A grief.
So now, I have arranged
That our menu be changed
And our slogan shall be 'EAT MOR BEEF.'"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
We lost Tom, but Billy Smith’s wish for a pony will come true!
De meetin’ gots’ta now mosey on down to o’der. That’s right – I’m now a jive turkey. Ah be baaad…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
“Gesundheit!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon (and many others)
THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED …
No, I don’t feel a draft.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In the season we all know as autumn
To clear leaves, rakes are used if you've got 'em.
Some leave rakes in the shed
'Cause they'd rather instead
Use a mulcher, 'cause they went and bought 'em
But from kids, you will not hear a peep.
All those leaves they will want you to keep.
They will all widely smile
If they're raked in a pile
Into which they will joyfully leap.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Leafing so soon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You might try using Rogaine.
No, I don't feel a draft. Why?
I might recommend a little Head & Shoulders.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Is that why they call it "Fall?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
“You’ve got it all wrong, Doc! You don’t know Jack!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I want to vote "Brewster Rockit" as my favorite "News and Record" cartoon, but I can't write without any arms!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
So ever since that day, you think I've got Aichmophobia? What's that?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Exclaimed Jack to the shrink, "I'm not nuts!
You're unique! There's no ifs, ands or buts.
Most outside of your group
Tend to use a big scoop
When they want me to spill out my guts."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Snakes, basketballs, don’t you ever see any people?
I try to put on a smile, but I still feel empty inside.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Missed the reference to the other <strange thing> seeing a shrink cartoons?)
I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends.
So ever since that day, you think I've got Aichmophobia? What's that?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If you're taking orders for lunch, I'll have a burger, some fries and a Coke.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Why aren't there lights? Those two plugs are still at the power strip club.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Referencing the previous week's winner...)
Did you hear? We got held over for a second week!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
I'm not fat - I'm big toned!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
They bought me a carpet to sing on - I call it my aria rug.
My voice gets scratchy when after a performance, but your role must leave you Thor all over.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS/SONGS
All my college years I'm not condemning.
I have pride in them, some of it stemming
From the class before me
With a diva to be -
A young undergrad named Renée Fleming.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I sent in a couple pictures from the 1979 Potsdam College yearbook of Renée - I'll share them here:
She's standing, fourth from the right
Front row, second from left. Rocking those bib overalls!
Other Entries
Haven't we Met before?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, I can't do the fandango.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (A nod to Bohemian Rhapsody...)
BEST POEMS
Said the plug of the lamp with a frown,
"It's so dismal! There's gloom all around.
In the white surge suppressor
Behind the brown dresser
We'll meet and we'll light up this town."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It may be an outlet to you, but it’s a socket to me!
I like you – you’re really well grounded.
Ugh – how revolting!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I like it when they have the news on - it keeps me up on current events.
Face it - girls can never join the plug club, because we're all male.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'd say we both need to go to the dentist.
I can't hear you either. My ears are plugged.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I’m a little short this week. Can I get an extension?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
“That happens every time you show our vacation videos.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
JUDGES ALSO LIKED …
My liver surprise wasn’t that bad, was it?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I thought I heard a coyote chasing a road runner. Did you see anything?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"Get in shape!" was the wife's nagging call.
Their new treadmill has started a brawl.
Set as fast as he can
Just to prove he's a man,
The thing sent the guy straight through the wall.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Oh, I see your mother was here.
Just because it’s your man-cave doesn’t mean the door has to look like one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
What did you think about that new 3D Miley Cyrus video?
Ken Sheldon, Elon