RUNNER-UPS
“Sorry, kid, I can’t retire yet. I invested my IRA in Facebook.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED …
Not only will you be paying off the national debt, but so will 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You know, I’ve got a feeling like we’ve been here before. A couple times.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, changes in technology wreaked havoc - especially among blogging cartoonists.
Whatever you do, make getting rid of the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo a priority.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
Baby New Year is no longer cryin’.
He’s relieved, there is sure no denyin’.
What could make the kid sob?
He’d be out of a job
If the calendar we used was Mayan.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
It’s a really strange condition - after only a year, you wind up looking like me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
It’s all so much easier since IT came up with this new Cyber Claus app.
Whenever I put in Tim’s address, it routes me past the coal mine as a via point.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
All the elves have been saying, “Oh, snap!
Santa’s Smartphone has got a new app!
He’s installed ‘Angry Birds!’
He’s distracted! We’ve heard
That deliv’ries are going like crap!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other entry
You should see the pictures Bambi sent me. She’s on the “Really Nice” list.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
POEMS (in no particular order)
Through the checkout line, Frosty must dash.
But the cashier, he’d sure like to bash.
Frosty said, “What the heck!
Won’t take credit or check?
Will you kindly accept cold, hard cash?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Snow Peas
Baby carrots - for nose job.
Bigger freezer
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Gazpacho
Icicles
Sunscreen SPF 10000
New Silk Hat
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
INSIDE JOKE
I'll bet if Tim changed the line spacing to single
and the paragraph spacing to 0.00 both before and after, the "Joke's On
You" blog would be much easier to read.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Hold on - let me write that down … "line spacing to single …"
BEST POEM
"Things
are tough this year," Santa Claus said.
"All our finances - they're in the red.
Though I'm sure kids will pout,
Filling stockings is out!
We will only fill footies instead."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Oh,
just hanging around...
Does your toe feel warm?
Santa's not going to like their snacks. They left tofu and soy milk.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST
POEMS (in no particular order)
Said the witch, "Magic Mirror, advise
Will that Fiscal Cliff cause my demise?
I just cannot slumber
'Til I get the numbers
That win the big Powerball prize."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Thee FDA wants to talk to you about those apples.
The Sinead O'Connor look went out twenty years ago.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
“You know, Dad,” said Tom’s son, “it’s not quirky.
What I’m wearing makes me feel quite perky.
I feel hip! I’m alive!
I can give others five!
You could say I’ve become a jive turkey.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Can you lend me a hand?
How was school today, son?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You know, Tom, that new suit fits you like a glove!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, Barack gave me my pardon. Maybe you’ll get yours from Malia or Sasha.
They’ll never eat me - I taste like leather.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
"On me ship," proclaimed Blackbeard the pirate,
"A big cannon's on board. I require it!
When I give me command,
Ye be keeping yer hand
Safely out of the way when ye fire it!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It says "Made in China."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Could you give me a hand to move this table. Oh, I'm sorry...
Beware of guys whose pictures are on peanut butter jars.
Didn't you work in an office somewhere?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
WIN #7!!!
WINNER
Yup. Worst case of hay fever I've ever seen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OTHER CAPTIONS PICKED THAT DIDN’T FIT IN THE PAPER
I've never seen crow's feet where you've got them.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Due to HIPAA regulations, I can't tell you about that guy from "Operation."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I can always count on you …
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
Said the doctor, “I know it’s quite rough.
Lack of appetite can be so tough.
But I have to proclaim
That the farmer’s to blame.
When he filled you, you got overstuffed.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm sending you to a dermatologist to get rid of those corns.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Your CT scan was negative, so I'm referring you to a wizard in Emerald City.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You'll never guess what Charlie Brown got!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
It's October when Halloween comes.
That's when kids receive candy and gums.
After eating their swag
What they need in their bag
Is a Fun-Size container of Tums.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
The candy corn is saying this is their fifth Halloween.
We're doomed! Willy's father's a dentist!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I would have expected someone to get the "Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory" reference...)
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Tim must be on a diet. This is his second cartoon in a row concerning food.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Er … third now, actually …
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
So how’s it like working with the M&M’s?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST /WORST PUN
I’VE BEEN ASSAULTED!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
Said the pretzel stick, "I have resisted
Your advances, but you have persisted.
I just will not discuss
Any future for us.
That's because I believe that you're twisted."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Oh, so THAT'S what Death Valley looks like!
I've got it straight! Don't get so bent out of shape!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
"I've a question to ask you," said Sprout.
"It's my tunic I'm worried about.
Like a pea, it is green
When there's rain on the scene.
What will happen when there is a drought?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Dad, all the kids are saying Mom's a Ho-Ho-Ho!
I finally have to admit it. I...like...bacon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I think there's something wrong with that new bronzer.
Can I go out with my friends? Peas?
Who are we so envious of? Del Monte?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
“Just once can you let me drive?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I bet Mannary would have had a field day with us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ah, Bob. It’s time like these we miss him.
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
Said the screw, "Some might call me a putz
But in my line of work, it takes guts.
Just don't call me a bolt
Or I'll have to revolt,
'Cause I just can't stand working with nuts."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
We're just not meant to be - you're a Phillips and I'm a flathead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Come on, baby! Let's do the Twist!
If you're a screwdriver, where's your vodka?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a turkey baster?
Ken Sheldon, Elon