BEST /WORST PUN
Let me listen. You're just being shellfish.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
That’s the first and only one I will run.
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
On the beach, these two both like to scout.
Finding shells, they will scurry about.
They will search left and right
From the morning 'til night
'Til the both of them fin'lly conch out.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It's for you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
When I heard you saw snakes, basketballs and the earth, I knew I had to come to you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yeah, I had already reserved a spot for you here, Ken.
I keep checking for the latest "Joke's On You" blog update, but I keep getting the old broom and mop cartoon. Am I going crazy?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yeah, still don’t know what you’re talking about.
BEST /WORST PUN
I love dressing like the Three Stooges. You could call me a wolf in Shemp's clothing.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
Said the wolf, "Doc, I have to confide.
I've a secret I'm trying to hide.
Though through farms I will creep
Killing chickens and sheep,
I am really a vegan inside."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I tried counting sheep for my insomnia, but it just made me hungry.
You're the one talking to a wolf. Shouldn't you be on the couch?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I can't help it! I LOVE BACON!!!
That "wolf in sheep's clothing" isn't a myth. It's an obsession.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNERS-UP
What's the big deal? We come out of the closet every day!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Said the broom, "Competition got stiffer,
And I doubt anybody would differ.
Though we once had our day,
In the closet we'll stay
Since the wife has just brought home a Swiffer."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yup! At the poker game last night, we really cleaned up!
Nice hair! NOT!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
That new vacuum cleaner really sucks!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE (in no particular order)
I see you've found the Sheldon picnic.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST /WORST PUN (in no particular order)
You can't be cirrus!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (in no particular order)
When the weather becomes really warm,
All the news stations follow the norm.
For they’ll show, with no doubt,
All their weathermen out
Getting blown around out in the storm.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Feeling a little over-the-weather?
You sure put up a nice front. (This was really mine - credited to
Scott Tredwell in runners-up)
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You can't be a hurricane! They've only got ONE eye!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I really liked this one...)
RUNNER-UPS
“I'm tired of these fun-size snacks. Let's go find an RV.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST MATH/GEOMETRY CAPTION
So the tent's volume is the length times the width times the height divided by 2.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (btw, these aren’t in any particular order)
Said the mother bear to her son Ben,
“Camper munching’s quite good now and then.”
Then she said with a grin,
“We can then take the skin
And we'll make a nice rug for our den.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yogi said there would be a pick-a-nick basket in there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, honey! A gift for me? You shouldn't have!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
“I've had it with dots and fruit. Let's get a steak.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS (btw, these aren’t in any particular order)
In "The Joke's On You," I must announce
That the Pac-Man clan, I'd like to trounce.
For they eat and they eat
And they eat and they eat
And not one of that bunch gains an ounce!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
We're lucky - most ghosts can go through walls.
Oh yeah?!? Well, "wakka wakka" yourself!!!
Life's just one big game to you, isn't it?!?
I'd say you're pac-ing on the pounds, dear.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
I told Spike, “You know, I hate to meddle,
But to win an Olympic gold medal
You should not try to place
In a bicycle race,
‘Cause you first have to reach all the pedals."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
...and the gold medal for the standing long hump goes to Sparky!
No, you can't trade your medal in for a case of Milk-Bones.
The gold medal for bat retrieval goes to Miss Babe Ruth!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
And the gold medal in the mailman chase goes to Snoopy!
After the ceremony, we will be taking drug test samples at the fire hydrant on the corner.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Strange last couple weeks - last week I had a caption that I felt good about that didn't get a sniff, this week I made the paper on one that I didn't think much of.
RUNNER-UPS
“Well, Mr. Madoff, we've been expecting you.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You must be crazy! You're offering your soul for a win in "The Joke's On You?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Well, Mr. Madoff, we've been expecting you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Down in Hades, Beelzebub gloats,
"Hello. Welcome to Hell, Mr. Oates.
All our TV's run scads
Of political ads,
But there's no day when everyone votes."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
You must have been really bad - you've been assigned to the "Justin Bieber 24-7" room.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I thought he felt a little funny. Maybe he could go into cartooning.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I wouldn’t recommend it.
BEST POEMS
"You're expensive," the mom and dad sighed.
Said the stork to the couple, "Don't cry.
Just leave here with this knowledge.
When paying for college,
You won't think our price is too high."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other
Entries
Hey, be thankful we didn't charge you for labor costs.
Sorry, folks. We don't make 'em, we only deliver 'em.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Of course you got a stork! Read the sign! It says "Stork Delivery Inc."!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm sorry - "Cabbage Patch Delivery Complaints" is two doors down.
I sorry we were late - we're still catching up from that Octomom fiasco.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I wonder just how many are going to call you "Mary" this week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
A few.
BEST /WORST PUN
I've got mutton.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Bo needs money. She's losing much sleep.
"Here's our business plan, Bo," said the sheep.
"We could get quite a kick
Sell marshmallow chicks,
And we'll call the shop 'Little Bo's Peeps.'"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
We listened for you to call us, but we didn't hear a peep, Bo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't worry about us - we'll be home. Now, just leave us alone.
Can we borrow your crook? We're having a talent show and the acts are pretty bad.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
My wool's getting hot. Can we go to the baa-baa shop?
You mean Lamb Chop was only a sock puppet?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
WINNER
“The yellow-jacket police department was involved in a sting operation last night ...”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
The black fly gang was defeated by a SWAT team last night.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The Mosquito coach said his team's out for blood tonight...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Due to a contract dispute, Time Warner is not carrying the Bird News from Greensboro. We are the Bug News out of Wilkes-Barre, PA.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Your memory is downright scary …
BEST LOCAL CAPTIONS
..and in minor league baseball, the Grasshoppers beat the SandGnats 8-6.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
In entertainment news, teen heart-throb Justin Bee-ber will be releasing an album of standards by Gnat King Cole.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the news-fly "It's easy to see -
That the newspaper isn't for me.
For to me, there's no doubt.
Not a soul's heard about
A bug killed by a rolled up TV!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Here's what's got us buzzing tonight.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The exhibition of Richard Nixon's wiretaps runs until Friday.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Twenty seven bugs died today when Microsoft made its latest Patch Tuesday releases.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
“I thought YOU brought the GPS!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I'm worried about our fate - our results run on Friday the 13th.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This desert looks as empty as last week's cartoon...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST LOCAL CAPTIONS
That sign says "Welcome to Greensboro!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
In the desert, we're finding our pair
Needing water and food and a prayer.
It appears that they're beat.
They're unable to eat
Not a bit of the sandwiches there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Did you see that Family Truckster? It had to fly some 50 yards!
That's the last time I follow exactly where the GPS says to go.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
First one to the cactus wins. On your mark, get set, GO!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Notice how nice it is not hearing any of those political attack ads?
OK - my turn. I spy something brown...
Ken Sheldon, Elon