BEST INSIDE JOKE
"All right!!! I had $100.01 right here! Who stole it?!?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Accident at the Michael Nesmith house
Side 1: Back In the USSR, Dear Prudence, Glass Onion...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
...Revved up like a deuce, Another runner in the night...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
But … I always thought they said … nevermind …
BEST POEMS
With tight deadlines and Brewster, Tim knew
There's no time left to draw "Joke's on You".
So pulled quite a prank -
He just left the page blank
To see what kind of gags would come through.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
These poems pretty much sum it all up.
Other Entries
Reeeeeeaaaaaall slow news day
The wisdom of the Kardashians
Memoirs of a goldfish
Socially redeeming reality programming
Limerick inspiration for this week
Inspirational rap music
Chick flicks guys really dig
Intellectuals called "Bubba"
Justin Bieber fans over 25
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This week's "Joke's on You" is drawn using invisible ink.
"Oh, darn!!! I forgot to draw the Joke's On You cartoon this week!!!"
"Honey! The printer's out of ink again!!!"
"Johnny, is your history report done yet?"
Elmer Fudd's wife. He says she's always white.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I present - the new national flag of France!
This space for rent - call (336) 373-7000
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Welcome to 'The Joy of Painting.' I'm Bob Ross. Let us begin."
"The whole room has been primed. Let's go get the paint."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't cry because you spilled it. Go get some paper towels.
No, Mr. Peepers. That's not the iris, it's the sclera.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The series treatment for "Seinfeld"
Fried egg, no yolk
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, dear, I'm NOT giving up my cigars!
To: Ken Layton: Tell Rickard he just ran out of yellow ink too.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
...as you can see, Listerine kills 100% of the germs in your mouth.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
What Bambi last saw before getting hit by that SUV.
Your milk bath's ready, ma'am.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You can always tell a Tim Rickard party - everybody's got martinis.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
All the letters were holding a party
Where the laughter was loud and quite hearty.
They'd all smile and they'd grin
Telling when they were in
The adventures of four-year-old Marty.
First the C took a sip and he said
He spent time hiding under the bed.
Said the Y, "With the fish."
A said, "Under the dish
Of the golden retriever named Fred."
All the rest would soon say where they've been:
In the sofa with lost army men,
In a pond with a frog,
Up a tree, near a log.
Then they chuckled again and again.
They agreed there is quite a mystique
In adventures all four-year-olds seek.
It will be really great
Hearing tales they relate
When they clean Marty's room up next week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yo! What's with all the questions?
Y? Because!
Who took all the broth?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, I used to play left field for Bud Abbott's team.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
(Abe speaking)
“... So you would be what they make before taxes, and I'm what's left after taxes?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"I'm so bored!" Abe heard Ben Franklin say.
"Let's do something. Don't worry, I'll pay.
It would give me a fright
To go flying a kite.
Maybe we could both take in a play."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It's all about you, isn't it?!?
I guess you do have more cents than I do.
Go fly a kite!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Lincoln: Me for your thoughts!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Missed it by this much.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
To a human, the thumb's indisposible.
One can make up a fist that is closable,
Write a book, climb a tree
Just as quick as can be
Since each hand has a thumb that's opposable.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Nobody likes it when it's Tall Man's turn in "Where is Thumbkin."
Can I borrow you for a sec? I need to hitch a ride.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, SNAP!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
All the condiments said at first glance
That those people were taking a chance.
Every one has a hunch
That the basket with lunch
Will be carted off soon by the ants.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Soon I'll be like a press secretary's answer: No Condiment.
Did you check out the buns on that burger?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You may try to be more popular than I am, but you'll
never ketchup to me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I think Rickard’s a little late in running his Cinco de Mayo cartoon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
At the high-rise, the newspaper said,
That the matador found Toro dead.
One can only assume
That he fell to his doom
‘Cause the matador’s drapes were all red.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Can't we all just get along?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
Just a sec - I've got to change my Facebook status to "Rescued."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
What do you mean "It's me or Shrek?" What's a Shrek?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the prince, "Oh, Rapunzel, I'm here!
We must leave from this tower, my dear!"
Said Rapunzel, "Wait there -
I'm just washing my hair.
We can go when I'm done in a year."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Now if you're going to pilot the R.U. Sirius, you have to pay attention!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Some day soon, you'll be burning out your fuse up here alone.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Teaching Zelnot to drive's a mistake!
Now the teacher's green tenticles ache.
He can't take any more!
They're all tender and sore
From the saucer's emergency brake.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Next, we'll work on our perpendicular parking...
Son, I said turn bleem, not glorp!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OK, take a left at the next asteroid.
Trust me, you don't want to go driving with your mom!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Don't any of you know how to put the seat down?!?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (So close - the winning caption was "Which one of you heroes left the toilet seat up?")
BEST INSIDE JOKE
We don't have to worry about that Pink Slime - the Revengers have it covered.
Let me get this straight - we got bumped from the front page of the Life section.by US?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
C'mon, Iron Man, what's your real name - Lou Gehrig or Cal Ripken, Jr.?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Guys, we lost Ant Man. Some kid burned him with a magnifying glass.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
From adults down to kids nearly larval,
They all love The Avengers from Marvel.
There is plenty at stake.
With success, they will make
Way more comebacks than QB Brett Favre'll.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
When we get back to my desk, I'll show you the CarpetFax.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
This baby was once owned by a genie whose master was an astronaut.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
On a mission, this customer delves.
He will search all the aisles and the shelves.
Magic carpets he’ll buy,
But not ones that can fly.
He wants carpets that vacuum themselves.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Turtle Wax? Nah - we use Scotchgard.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You say you're Born To Be Wild? Here's a nice Steppenwolf model from 1968.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
RUNNER-UPS
Of course, I watched the whole thing! I'm a watchdog!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Spike’s on trial for an act that’s illegal:
For assaulting Regina the eagle.
Spike said, “I did no crime!
Let the record show I’m
Not a boxer, I’m only a beagle!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I figured Mr. Edwards was up to something when he bought me a stainless steel bowl instead of my usual gold one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If you think I killed that cat, you're barking up the wrong tree!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
OK, Tim promises that if you let him go, then he will draw an easier cartoon for "The Joke's on You" next
week.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
"Doc, this stomach ache drives me insane!"
"Sir, the cause of your problem's quite plain.
I will be rather blunt.
You are part of a stunt.
On the screen I can see David Blaine."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I told you to stay away from those ghost ships!
He looks like Jonah. Just swim over to Ninevah and spit him out.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Hmmm - that looks like Jimmy Hoffa...
Ken Sheldon, Elon