Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

 

Cartoon for December 23/30, 2011

After over a year and a half, I get WIN #5!!! (Could this count a back-to-back wins since I did submit the winning caption for the 16th, only later... No biggie...)

All in all, four of five made the top along with the limerick.

WINNER
I don’t like the way that cat’s looking at us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
It’s not fair! If there can be Donut People, there can be Ornament People too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Hey, at least our being around two weeks means Tim’s not re-re-running Father Time talking to Baby New Year.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You keep an eye on the Grinch and I’ll go get Cindy Lou.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Said the ornament ball, “Don’t you know
That our lives are incredibly slow.
We fill kids up with glee
While we’re hung on a tree,
Then it’s back in the attic we go.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
Oh, just like you. I’m hanging out...
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for December 16, 2011

One for seven this week at the top. I did get the winning one, but is was later than the first submitter. The idea was to say what was on the elf's sign.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Whole faces for ALL elves!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS/HAIKUS
“We’re on strike!” all of Santa’s elves snort.
“We need much more financial support!
All the bankers just groan
When we ask for a loan
When we say we’re a little bit short!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
We do 99% of the work, get 1% of the glory
Shorter hours, longer paychecks
Fat guy gets all the cookies
We’re not “elves.” We’re “vertically challenged amusement device assemblers.”
Occupy the North Pole

Ken Sheldon, Elon (In all there were nine captions with Occupy North Pole in them)

 

Elves working on Star Trek action figures are not “Little Spocks”
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for December 9, 2011

2 of 6 made the top this time.

 

BEST INSIDE JOKE
You would have thought that if Tim knew “The Joke’s on You” was going to be in color, he wouldn’t have the first cartoon be two white snowmen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
What's this about every time you put your hat on, it's your "boithday?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Said Doc Snowman, “Though you like to roam,
You’re Alaskan. Stay closer to home.
Going south? Don’t get caught
When the temp’rature’s hot.
You will find that there’s no place like Nome.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
It’s not excessive perspiration. You’re melting.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Well, Frosty, since you gave up that corncob pipe, you’ve put on about fifty pounds.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Actually, I DID hear a heartbeat. I think a squirrel got rolled into your midsection.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Of course, your wife's going to be frigid. We're ALL frigid!
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for December 2, 2011

One of three in the top again...

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Don’t worry. Boxing Day has nothing to do with George Foreman
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
“A gym membership paid up for life?
I’m some grout and a new putty knife!
That poor husband should look
For advice from the book
‘How To Buy Christmas Gifts For Your Wife!’”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
So after we pass on, we’ll all be known as “The Ghosts of Christmas Presents.”
Ken Sheldon

Oh yeah? Well, good things can come in big packages too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for November 25, 2011

One of three this week, and it was a Runner-Up

RUNNERS-UP
I don't really care how the spaghetti tastes. I'm just going to wind up wearing it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
In that restaurant, the child will annoy
That poor waiter. It brings him much joy.
To the waiter, it’s known
When the kid says, “Garçon,”
That the baby is calling him “Boy.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Moo moo baa baa.
I’m sick of strained vegetables. How ‘bout a steak, medium rare, pureed.

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for November 18, 2011

Two of three this week including a Runner-Up.

RUNNERS-UP
This is the last time I let Rachael Ray draw the crime scene outline.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
This is the last time I let Rachael Ray draw the crime scene outline.
You mean Jennie-O and Butterball have spies in the morgue?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
“It’s been solved!” the detective just cried.
“I’ve found out how this turkey has died.
‘Twas a pig farmer’s ax
That delivered the whacks,
So the cause of his death’s sooey-cide!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
There always seems to be a rash of these this time of year...
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for November 11, 2011

Two for four made the top of the blog along with... 

BEST INSIDE JOKE
When he saw that Tim drew us with all six legs, he just died of shock.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

He looked fine until Brewster whacked him with his shoe.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
In this coffin lies Harry the Gnat.
He was killed by a guy with a bat.
He said nothing profound
As that bat whistled down.
All they heard was a buzz and a splat.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I hate praying mantis wakes. The men are always missing their heads.
Well, that's what you get for flying while buzzed.

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for November 4, 2011

Only one of three made the top of the blog this week - a little harder to get inside jokes and such.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
You say you were referred to me by Dr. Tribbett?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Said the lion in less of a roar,
“This darned paw, it is terribly sore!
Because early this morn
I have stepped on a thorn.
This sharp pain I can’t take any more!”

Said the mouse, “This you do not deserve.”
So he gathered up all of his nerve.
Yes, his brav’ry he proved,
And that thorn he removed.
Now he won’t be that lion’s hors d'oeuvre.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I’m sorry, I’m not part of your HMO.
What’s your point?

Ken Sheldon, Elon 


Cartoon for October 27, 2011

Didn't make the paper, but went 3 for 3 in making the top of the blog along with the limerick.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I tried getting it fixed back in July, but the warranty was up.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Quite a memory ...

 


BEST CULTURAL REFERENCES
WIZARD OF OZ

You take the east, I’ll take the west. That way, we can share Munchkinland.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

HARRY POTTER
I can't stay out late tonight. I've got a Quidditch match in the morning.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Every witch that we talk to agrees.
When they travel by broom, it’s a breeze.
They do not have to cope
With a TSA grope,
And they don’t have to pay all those fees.

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for October 20, 2011

Runner up for the second week in a row - just like last week, 3 of 4 made the top of the blog along with the limerick.

RUNNERS-UP
I've got to take this. It's a seance in my hometown.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Amazing! It went through both the washer and the dryer and it still works!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You’re onto me. Now I have to kill you.

Let's get on the "Jokes On You" blog and see what Tim has the witches doing this year! 
Ken Sheldon, Elon
And now you know.

BEST POEMS
Said the ghost, “This darned smartphone! I swear!
Many use it with nary a care!
Snap a pic of a ghost
And you’ll think that it’s toast,
Since it looks like there’s nobody there!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
It’s from Hell. Gaddafi just got there and he looks like a piece of Swiss cheese.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for October 14, 2011

Back up on the runner-up list. Also had a little fun with Tim's comment about my captions being long too. 3 of 4 made the top of the blog along with the limerick.

RUNNERS-UP
We’re not really scared. We’re just carved that way.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Did you see that note Tim put on the blog? Ken didn’t make runner-up just because his caption was too long! That is outrageous! I’m going to sit right down and email that Rickard guy and give him a piece of my mind! He is stepping on Ken’s First Amendment rights! I’m going to email the editor too! HE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(Let me guess – this one won’t make the paper either...)
Nope. Too long.

Frosty said it was scary when he saw it in the theatre last winter.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Your memory is uncanny.

BEST POEMS
This new show has the pumpkins all stunned.
“’Smashing Pumpkins’ does not sound like fun!”
But the both of them sighed
When they checked TV Guide
And they saw that it’s on VH1.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
Next on Rachel Ray – Thanksgiving pies.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for October 7, 2011

Getting back on track - 3 out of 4 made the top along with the limerick,.

 

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
I think "bloodsucker" is too cruel. I prefer "Corpuscle Entitlement Recipient."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Sorry, Ken, you seem to get bumped to “Other” captions a lot. The process is: Captions with the most votes are chosen first in runners-up, next go the shorter captions picked so to fit more in the paper. This one was long enough that it would have taken up two spots. But, these “OTHER” captions are simply runner-ups that I just don’t have room for in the paper.

BEST INSIDE JOKE.

Around here, we call it Rickardiosis. All his bugs are missing their middle pair of legs.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE.
Yeah, I used to play bass for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. 
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Said the flea to the tick, “My heart sunk
When I jumped on this dog. He sure stunk.”
Said the tick, “Think that’s bad?
The worst I ever had
Was the time that I lived on a skunk!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I see Rover's got a new collar, so I guess it's time to flea.
Ken Sheldon, Elon