1 for 3 in the top ....
BEST INSIDE JOKE.
The key to winning “The Joke’s On You?” I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Tim Tribbett.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the guru who once lived in Munich,
“Keep that pickaxe away from my tunic.
For you cannot be lax
While you’re wielding that ax.
I’ve no interest in being a eunuch.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Guru, schmuru! I climbed this mountain fifty years ago and dropped all my climbing gear. Can you help me down?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If your wife nagged you like mine did, you’d see being a guru isn’t so bad.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
3 for 4 in the top along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE.
It’s gotten so bad, Carolina fans have even asked US to pray for the Panthers.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(Sent after Sunday)
Looks like it worked!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Did you hear? My favorite singer’s coming to town! Johnny Mantis!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Mrs. Mantis said, “I love you, Ed.
I’m so happy that we are now wed.
Let’s start mating, my sweet,
Then grab something to eat.
I believe I will start with your head.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Just a couple weeks ago, a fly came by with a whole carriage full of ‘em. Boy, they were good!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Would have thought I'd get inside joke with this one - see
August 26th)
No runner up, but I batted .500 - 3 for 6 in the top of the blog along with the limerick
BEST INSIDE JOKE.
Hey! I thought we were supposed to get a Kindle in our cartoon. I guess it made it too complete…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
It’s true! My great-great-grandmother modeled for Andy Warhol.
You know, when most people hear “Orpheus in the Underworld,” they think of us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
To a wedding cans go, often stag.
They’ll arrive in a big paper bag.
On a bumper, they’re tied
To the newlyweds’ ride.
For them, married life’s really a drag.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Yes, we can!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Maybe you could hear me better if we tied a string between us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You can tell me. I’ve got an open mind.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Another good week - 4 for 5 in the top along with the limerick.
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I hope this cartoon doesn’t start that “candle-Kindle-cattle” stuff up again.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Me too.
They say someone found it on a beach after it was on a desert island with a couple castaways.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Tim must be getting huge product placement bucks from
Amazon.com. This is the third Kindle cartoon this year.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Looking away, whistling nonchalantly ...
The other two:
 |
 |
| 2/11/11 | 7/8/11 |
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Cool! Here’s the part where Roddy McDowall talks about guest starring on “Batman!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Here's a web page about the same...
BEST POEM
Said the bookworm to her buddy Gail,
“I can’t eat this. I know that I’ll fail.
Though the pages look thin,
It’s so hard to begin
Since the cover’s as tough as a nail!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Finally! “War and Peace” is the same size as “Green Eggs and Ham.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Back to normal now. I went through a period where I didn't hang the cartoon in my cube at work, and I couldn't come up with as many captions. This week I made runner up with 5 of ten making the top of the blog along with the usual limerick
RUNNERS-UP
What you’ve got isn’t so bad. We call it “Slightly Irritated Cow Disease.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You’ll be happy to know that wasn’t a tick, just a fly pushing a baby buggy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good morning. My name is Dr. Tribbett. Now, what seems to be the problem?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, Mr. Winky, I finally got your body to match up with your head.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Looks like you’re fully recovered from being catapulted from that French castle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
This poor vet’s being stumped by this cow.
She would like to make children go “WOW!”
Could she be of the ilk
That would give chocolate milk?
No, he just cannot figure out how.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
So you like Chick-fil-A jokes? I think you’ve come to the right place.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (There were so many Chick-fil-A jokes that Tim didn't list
them...)
We’re running a special – buy three gastric bypass bands and you get the fourth free!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I really liked this one)
So, you say you’re feeling udder the weather?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good news! Your prosthetic udder is going to be in next Tuesday!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
It’s going to take a few days for your horn to heal. In the meantime, you’re just going to have to moo real loud.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
One for two at the top along with the limerick.
BEST/WORST PUN
We moved by the spice rack before they were hatched, because we heard thyme’s fun when you’re having flies.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
The fly mother has instincts quite strong.
When her larvae are tagging along,
Their mom’s buggy is fine.
It beats walking in line
That can be about two hundred long.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Since they hatched, our dung bills have gone through
the roof!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
One of three in the top along with the limerick.
BEST INSIDE JOKE.
I just saw Tim leave for work wearing a pair just like us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You’ve been talking to my wife?
BEST POEMS
Said the white to the argyle, “It’s true.
Since our owner’s a size twenty-two,
We would be all the rage
On Ed Sullivan’s stage!
We belong in a really big shoe!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It’s so sad. I just lost my twin brother in the washer.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I’ve got a hole in my heel! Darn it!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Not bad - one of four made the top of the blog along with the limerick
BEST INSIDE JOKE
你什么意思"的笑话的你"有盗版？
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Translation: What do you mean “The Joke’s on You” has been pirated?
(This
was in response to a story in the Greensboro News&Record about Brewster
Rocket being pirated in China)
BEST POEMS
“Take a letter,” the boss dog said hopin’
To fix ills with which all dogs are copin’.
“Dear Alpo, I plead:
What we all really need
Is a can that a canine can open.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Fifi, I’m tired of chasing my tail. Come in here so I can chase yours instead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, I didn’t say “Bark bark arf arf,” I said “Bark Bark arf arf GRRRRRR.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Mrs. Wiggins, could you bring me a Milk-Bone and a bowl of water?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Finally - made runner up after my longest non-paper run in a long time. One of three made the top along with the limerick.
RUNNERS-UP
You’re not wearing that suit again!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the queen, “At the chance, some would jump,
Though I’m sure it’s a pain in the rump.
Play the Donald in Pitch?
There is always a hitch,
‘Cause with him, he makes everything Trump.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Quick hanging out with that joker. I hear he’s kinda wild.
You think you and the King of Hearts make a better pair than you and I? You’re worrying me…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Haven't been doing well lately, but I still got a nice surprise on the blog. Lately, Tim Rickard's been running a feature creating a "Joke's on You" Hall of Fame. Guess who got in this time?
JOKES ON YOU HALL OF FAME
This week’s inductee into the Joke’s on You hall of fame is Ken Sheldon!
Although Ken didn’t start the BEST POEM category, he certainly made it his
own, becoming JOU’s designated poet laureate. He has 4 wins and 44 runner-ups,
but it’s his limericks that put him in a class by himself – the only
captioner to get his own feature in our paper. Besides ‘BEST POEMS,” his
captions also often show up with regularity in the categories “BEST
CULTURAL REFERENCES,” and “BEST INSIDE JOKE,” among others. He is also the
last of the only 3 back-to-back winners JOU has had to be inducted. He's also
very good at spotting re-used art.
As for the contest this week, one of two in the top of the blog along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE.
You’re right! I was on Saturday Night Live in the ‘70’s!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The shark’s hunger was growing inside her.
She bought pie from a pizza provider.
Just imagine the shock
When she answered the knock
And the pizza guy’s really Roy Scheider.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Yup, that’s mine. Double anchovies, double tuna and double seal.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Another slow week, but one of three made the top of the blog along with one of my pun-laden limericks
BEST/WORST PUN
We’re in trouble! The boss caught us loafing!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
“I kneed help,” said the left slice named Sam.
“I am in quite a bit of a jam.
I dough’t know what to do.
My gal says that we’re through
‘Cause she thinks I’m a bit of a ham!”
“You’re well bread! Give your gal a nice flour.
Get her bake! You have got all the power!
You will not be a heel!
Say your loaf for her’s real.
You must butter her up right this hour!”
Sam did rise and he called at e-leaven
He said, “Rye don’t I meet you at seven.”
She said, “I’ve bun a fool.”
“You forgive me? That’s cool.”
She said “Yes,” and now Sam is in heaven.
It’s all white now. Our hero did toughen.
“Out of me, they’re not making no stuffin’!”
There’s some buns in the oven
From all of their lovin’
And also a few English Muffins.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
If we’re so great, how come every new invention is better that we are?
Boy, that baker’s sure rolling in the dough!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Another oh-fer. Thank goodness for the limerick
BEST POEMS
Said the witch, “I’m sure few have it rougher.
When I ride this broom, I really suffer.
It has got many flaws.
I get dizzy because
It believes it’s a tile floor buffer.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Unsuccessful Entries
I want to get one that’s Swiffer.
My kids bought me an Electrolux.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
How am I supposed to fly on this??? You sent me a mop!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE.
I just downloaded “How To Build ANYTHING With Just Palm Trees and Coconuts (...except a boat...)” by Roy Hinkley.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
I’ve got 3 sand bars. How about you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Both the castaways had to remark,
“These darned Kindles! The things just went dark!
Since our friend passed away,
We have nothing to say.
We’ll both miss our friend, Joel Darrell Clark.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
YOUR COMMENTS ON JOEL CLARK’S PASSING
Both the castaways had to remark,
“These darned Kindles! The things just went dark!
Since our friend passed away,
We have nothing to say.
We’ll both miss our friend, Joel Darrell Clark.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
When I asked if there was any kindling on the island, I wasn’t talking about this.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I liked this one...)
One of three in the top along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE.
For your case, I’m sending you to a specialist: Dr. Eiffel.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Said the engineer named Gustave Eiffel,
“Of this statue I sure will not trifle.
This Colossus will be
Known as Miss Liberty.
For the Yanks it will be quite an eyeful.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You say you’re feeling a little green around the gills?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don’t worry. What you call a huddled mass is really a wart.
Ken Sheldon, Elon