Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

Cartoon for September 24, 2010

Another week as a Runner-up. Two of four made the top along with...

 

RUNNERS-UP
Honey, you might say I’ve got a bun in the oven.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I can’t believe it! I just saw the obituary for Mr. Peanut in the News & Record!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
“On the Dough Boy, I’m not so reliant!”
Claimed the Dough Girl, in words quite defiant.
“Now the beau that I’m marryin’s
Quite vegetarian.
His name’s the Jolly Green Giant.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
The doctor said I have a really bad yeast infection.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Some guy just whistled at me. Said that I had nice buns.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for September 17, 2010

Better week - made runner up. In all, 2 of three made the top of the blog along with yada yada yada.

RUNNERS-UP
Funny, I don’t see any baby. I’d say you’re just getting fat.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You know, Ms. Suleman, you're rather large for only being pregnant one month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Michelle Duggar’s got kids! She wants more!
She’s got nineteen! That’s almost a score!
Her poor cervix is worn 
And so tattered and torn
That they’ve put in a prosthetic door.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
Take it easy... We can see the baby anytime. I've just got to catch the end of Oprah.
Ken Sheldon, Elon 


Cartoon for September 10, 2010

I was not a fan of this week's cartoon. The idea was to write an obituary for Mr. Peanut. I wrote one headline (which I didn't really like too well) and the usual limerick. 

 

BEST POEM

Once a mascot we all would adore,

Mr. Peanut died, age 94.

On one night, he was halted

And then was a-salted.

He won’t hawk his nuts anymore.

 

The assailant thought it’s insane

That Planters had built its campaign

‘Round an oversized nut

With a really small butt

And a monocle, top hat and cane.

 

His survivors? The list has on top

That pink bunny whose drumming won’t stop,

Cap’n Crunch, Peter Pan,

And the Michelin Man,

Geico’s Gecko, Snap, Crackle and Pop. 

 

Yes, this icon will not be disposed.

His new resting place can be disclosed.

Now Planters’ main star’s

Being kept in a jar

On the third shelf in Burlington’s Lowes.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Other Entry

Mr. Peanut Dies Of Human Allergy

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for September 3, 2010

 

Made runner up again - two of six made the top of the blog along with the limerick

 

RUNNERS-UP
No, I don’t feel a draft.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST/WORST PUN
Sarah? Is that ewe?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Once the ewe was a cute as a button
‘Til the farmer had finished his cuttin’.
He had sheared all her wool
‘Til his basket was full
And the ewe was left standing with mutton.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I'd say you got fleeced.
I think he missed a spot.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

No, the Michael Jordan look just isn't you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

So, how did the modeling job for that Chia Pet company go?
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for August 27, 2010

I wasn't too inspired by this week's cartoon. One out of four made the top of the blog along with the limerick.

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
While riding his camel, Keen Eyes saw a man wearing his pants on his head and singing show tunes while looking for a service station to fix his Family Truckster.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If I’m not mistaken, this is a “Vacation” reference.

 

Yup

BEST POEMS
In the course of their frank conversations
On the fate of the Indian nations,
Were they happy to see
The white man? They agree
That they both have a few reservations.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Bull-in-China-Shop says "Help! My teepee's on fire!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

White smoke? I didn't think we elected a pope...
Ken Sheldon, Elon

This mural is the only reminder we have of where we grew up. There's a casino there now.
Ken Sheldon, Elon 


Cartoon for August 20, 2010

Good week, as I got another runner-up. In all, 6 of 8 made the top of the blog along with...ah, you know the rest...

 

RUNNERS-UP
There’s a tweet from Rex: “Finally caught my first car. What do I do with it now?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You don't have Jenny in your contacts? Her number's 867-5309.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, great! Now that song’s gonna be in my head all day.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Since we can send email from it, we don’t have to buy cards from Hallmark anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I keep getting these strange calls from a "Moby Dick."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST/WORST PUN
Your reception's not good here. You've only got 2 barks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS

All the dogs think the Smartphone’s so neat.
“Social networking cannot be beat.”
But our kids are confused
Since these Smartphones are used,
Now that beagles and schnauzers go tweet.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
It’s got an app for locating fire hydrants.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Now that you've buried the bone, click this icon and it saves the GPS location. When you want that bone, click that icon, and the phone will tell you right where it is.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

It's weird. Every time I play the "Pavlov's Bell" ringtone, I can't keep myself from drooling.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I really liked this one...)


Cartoon for August 13, 2010

Made the paper with Runner Up - 3 of 4 made the top of the blog along with the limerick.

 

RUNNERS-UP
Sorry I’m late – I was busy tying my shoes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
How do you like my new bowling ball mask?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Yup. I'd say Rickard has that "copy and paste" function in his graphic editor down pat.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
Is the centipede overreactin’
‘Bout a problem that he finds distractin’?
Since he’s got athlete’s foot,
He forgot where he’s put
His last tube of fast actin’ Tinactin.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I failed my audition to "So You Think You Can Dance." The judges said I had 100 left feet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for August 6, 2010

Made the paper again as a runner up. In all, 2 of 5 captions made the top of the blog along with the limerick.

RUNNERS-UP
Can you put that down long enough to move the refrigerator? 

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

BEST POEM

“I need help!” many students will plea. 
“This mythology’s hard,” they agree. 
Atlas, Eros and Zeus! 
Here's their favorite excuse: 
“The whole subject is all Greek to me!” 

Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST INSIDE JOKE

Hey, Atlas! ustaxpayer now thinks your chiton's too short. Can I tell him what you think, or will he have to read it in the "Mature" section? 

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Other Entries

I just saw a bunch of map books with your name on them. Have you got some other business on the side? 

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

I know you’ve got the whole world in your hands. Now can you quit singing that stupid song?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Thanks for bringing your giant beach ball, Scott. This is going to be the best Greek Week Beach Bash EVER!!!

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for July 30, 2010

I went on vacation the week of August 1, so my entry count was down. Still got one out of four in the top of the blog along with the limerick.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
He’s gone from telling kids to get off his lawn to complaining about the “Mature” section of “The Joke’s On You.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
One day, Irving, escaping his strife,
Bought a scooter, the love of his life.
Now he goes where he wants,
To his favorite haunts,
Without hearing the yap from his wife.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I still can't figure out how he got that electric scooter to sound like a Harley.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

He wants to join the police so he can ticket cars parked illegally in the handicapped spots.
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

C'mon, Fonzie! Quit pretending it's still 1955. We've got to get to church!
Ken Sheldon, Elon 


Cartoon for July 23, 2010

The poem got mentioned in the paper again - Rickard almost apologized for doing it:

This starting to get repetitive, but once again, you have to check out Ken Sheldon’s pun-laden poem below.

Three out of five captions made the top of the blog.

 

MATURE (shame on you guys)
Then I told him, “Bite me!” I didn’t think he’d take it literally.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Oh no, Brewster!!! We've been hit by Dr. Mel's cookie ray!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST/WORST PUN
Of course it hurts!!! Why do you think I'm treating it so gingerly?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEMS
While it sprinkled outside on the street,
The young gingerbread man asked, “My sweet,
I have mint to inquire.
What’s raisin your ire?
What’s driving you nuts, has you beat?”

"You know, Sugar,” she said with a frown,
There are days where the chips are so down.
I have seen butter days.”
She eggs-plained in a daze.
“It’s so bad that I feel like a clown.”

Soda young man went out in the shower,
And he gingerly gave her a flour.
“You’re the cream of the crop.
Honey, you’re at the top
Of my list. Let’s get married this hour!”

To the chapel the two of them fled 
And before long they soon became wed.
They have kids now, they write.
Now they spend half the night
Tucking teddy grahams into their beds.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
I've had it with you, you ogre! Why don't you just move to a land far far away!!!
I'm sorry... I've been seeing the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane.

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for July 9 & 16, 2010

Good week (well, two weeks, actually) this week.  First, a friend from church put in a caption featuring me:

Ken Sheldon has a limerick movie?
Tom Conally, Elon

Second, I made the paper as a runner up. In all, all four captions made the top of the blog, with the runner-up also getting counted as a best cultural reference .

RUNNERS-UP
It just won’t work between us. You’re on Team Edward and I’m on Team Jacob.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
There's a new one coming out about a deer battling a South African soccer fan. It's called "Bambi meets Vuvuzela." 
It just won’t work between us. You’re on Team Edward and I’m on Team Jacob.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I wonder when "Brewster Rockit: The Movie" is going to be out.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Me too.

Well, this week's "Joke's On You" blog hasn't been posted yet, so let's go see "Toy Story 3" instead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
But it’s always worth the wait.

BEST POEM
The way sequels are made on a spree,
There’s some film makers who would agree
In the future they oughter
Produce “Harry Potter
Enrolls in the AARP”

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for July 2, 2010

The limerick got mentioned in the paper this week - an epic about the famous exploding whale in Oregon back in 1970. Three out of six captions made the top of the blog.

 

BIBLE LESSON FOR TODAY
Since some of you (I won’t point anyone out) didn’t even get JONAH’s name right.)
OK…he's on a boat between Joppa and Tarshish…needs to be in Nineveh…named Jonah. Got it, Boss.

Ken Sheldon, Elon (On the July 15, 2010 episode on Jeopardy! they had a category called "Jonah's Druthers" My research for this caption allowed me to know the answer to the $1000 question.)

BEST WORST PUN

We're all getting Apple's new phone. We want to be known as the iPod.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


C’mon, dear. Stop blubbering!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Other Entries

It’s true! People actually pay good money to go on boats to watch us blow snot on them!
Trust me, Mr. Carvel! An ice cream cake that looks like me! Kids'll LOVE it!!!
The old guy, the cat and the goldfish were okay. The kid kinda tasted like a two-by-four.

 

The Limerick

Once a whale his buddies call Harry

Had a story he called really scary.

So he called his friend Fred

‘Bout this whale found dead

As related to writer Dave Barry.

On the beach, the beast started to reek.

“Let’s destroy it!” the residents shriek.

Engineers all said, “Wow!

We must do it, but how?”

They would use a most novel technique.

They employed all their knowledge and wits

And they dug in the sand, making pits.

TNT weighing one

Thousand pounds, half a ton

Filled the holes. They would blow it to bits.  

People gathered from miles around.

To the whale, they came to surround,

Both the swab and land lubber.

“The blast blasted blubber

Beyond all believable bounds.”  

All the spectators shouted, “Oh, my!

Stinky whale, we bid you ‘good-bye!’”

But their faces turned white

And their glee turned to fright

As the blubber fell out of the sky.  

People said it’s a scene so bizarre.

Whale pieces were blasted afar.

They were spread far and wide.

Some fell into the tide.

A big chunk smashed the roof of a car

Yes, this story is ever, so true.

Engineers took this under review.

Should a whale once more

Get washed up on their shore,

They will surely know what not to do.  

Want to watch the video? Check it out at  http://www.perp.com/whale/