Another week as a Runner-up. Two of four made the top along with...
RUNNERS-UP
Honey, you might say I’ve got a bun in the oven.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I can’t believe it! I just saw the obituary for Mr. Peanut in the News & Record!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
“On the Dough Boy, I’m not so reliant!”
Claimed the Dough Girl, in words quite defiant.
“Now the beau that I’m marryin’s
Quite vegetarian.
His name’s the Jolly Green Giant.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
The doctor said I have a really bad yeast infection.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Some guy just whistled at me. Said that I had nice buns.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Better week - made runner up. In all, 2 of three made the top of the blog along with yada yada yada.
RUNNERS-UP
Funny, I don’t see any baby. I’d say you’re just getting fat.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You know, Ms. Suleman, you're rather large for only being pregnant one month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Michelle Duggar’s got kids! She wants more!
She’s got nineteen! That’s almost a score!
Her poor cervix is worn
And so tattered and torn
That they’ve put in a prosthetic door.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Take it easy... We can see the baby anytime. I've just got to catch the end of Oprah.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I was not a fan of this week's cartoon. The idea was to write an obituary for Mr. Peanut. I wrote one headline (which I didn't really like too well) and the usual limerick.
BEST POEM
Once
a mascot we all would adore,
Mr.
Peanut died, age 94.
On
one night, he was halted
And
then was a-salted.
He
won’t hawk his nuts anymore.
The
assailant thought it’s insane
That
Planters had built its campaign
‘Round
an oversized nut
With
a really small butt
And
a monocle, top hat and cane.
His
survivors? The list has on top
That
pink bunny whose drumming won’t stop,
Cap’n
Crunch, Peter Pan,
And
the Michelin Man,
Geico’s
Gecko, Snap, Crackle and Pop.
Yes,
this icon will not be disposed.
His
new resting place can be disclosed.
Now
Planters’ main star’s
Being
kept in a jar
On
the third shelf in Burlington’s Lowes.
Other Entry
Mr. Peanut Dies Of Human Allergy
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Made runner up again - two of six made the top of the blog along with the limerick
RUNNERS-UP
No, I don’t feel a draft.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Sarah? Is that ewe?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Once the ewe was a cute as a button
‘Til the farmer had finished his cuttin’.
He had sheared all her wool
‘Til his basket was full
And the ewe was left standing with mutton.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'd say you got fleeced.
I think he missed a spot.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, the Michael Jordan look just isn't you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
So, how did the modeling job for that Chia Pet company go?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I wasn't too inspired by this week's cartoon. One out of four made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
While riding his camel, Keen Eyes saw a man wearing his pants on his head and singing show tunes while looking for a service station to fix his Family Truckster.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If I’m not mistaken, this is a “Vacation” reference.
Yup
BEST POEMS
In the course of their frank conversations
On the fate of the Indian nations,
Were they happy to see
The white man? They agree
That they both have a few reservations.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Bull-in-China-Shop says "Help! My teepee's on fire!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
White smoke? I didn't think we elected a pope...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This mural is the only reminder we have of where we grew up. There's a casino there now.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good week, as I got another runner-up. In all, 6 of 8 made the top of the blog along with...ah, you know the rest...
RUNNERS-UP
There’s a tweet from Rex: “Finally caught my first car. What do I do with it now?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You don't have Jenny in your contacts? Her number's 867-5309.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, great! Now that song’s gonna be in my head all day.
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Since we can send email from it, we don’t have to buy cards from Hallmark anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I keep getting these strange calls from a "Moby Dick."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Your reception's not good here. You've only got 2 barks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
All the dogs think the Smartphone’s so neat.
“Social networking cannot be beat.”
But our kids are confused
Since these Smartphones are used,
Now that beagles and schnauzers go tweet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
It’s got an app for locating fire hydrants.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Now that you've buried the bone, click this icon and it saves the GPS
location. When you want that bone, click that icon, and the phone will tell you right where it is.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
It's weird. Every time I play the "Pavlov's Bell" ringtone, I can't keep myself from drooling.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I really liked this one...)
Made the paper with Runner Up - 3 of 4 made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
RUNNERS-UP
Sorry I’m late – I was busy tying my shoes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
How do you like my new bowling ball mask?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yup. I'd say Rickard has that "copy and paste" function in his graphic editor down pat.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
Is the centipede overreactin’
‘Bout a problem that he finds distractin’?
Since he’s got athlete’s foot,
He forgot where he’s put
His last tube of fast actin’ Tinactin.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I failed my audition to "So You Think You Can Dance." The judges said I had 100 left feet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Made the paper again as a runner up. In all, 2 of 5 captions made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
RUNNERS-UP
Can you put that down long enough to move the
refrigerator?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
“I
need help!” many students will plea.
“This mythology’s hard,” they agree.
Atlas, Eros and Zeus!
Here's their favorite excuse:
“The whole subject is all Greek to me!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Hey, Atlas! ustaxpayer now thinks your chiton's too short. Can I tell him what you think, or will he have to read it in the "Mature" section?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I just saw a bunch of map books with your name on them. Have you got some other business on the side?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I know you’ve got the whole world in your hands. Now can you quit singing that stupid song?
Thanks for bringing your giant beach ball, Scott. This is going to be the best Greek Week Beach Bash EVER!!!
I went on vacation the week of August 1, so my entry count was down. Still got one out of four in the top of the blog along with the limerick.
BEST INSIDE JOKE
He’s gone from telling kids to get off his lawn to complaining about the “Mature” section of “The
Joke’s On You.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
One day, Irving, escaping his strife,
Bought a scooter, the love of his life.
Now he goes where he wants,
To his favorite haunts,
Without hearing the yap from his wife.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I still can't figure out how he got that electric scooter to sound like a Harley.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
He wants to join the police so he can ticket cars parked illegally in the handicapped spots.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
C'mon, Fonzie! Quit pretending it's still 1955. We've got to get to church!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The poem got mentioned in the paper again - Rickard almost apologized for doing it:
This starting to get repetitive, but once again, you have to check out Ken
Sheldon’s pun-laden
Three out of five captions made the top of the blog.
MATURE (shame on
you guys)
Then I told him, “Bite me!” I didn’t think he’d take it literally.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Oh no, Brewster!!! We've been hit by Dr. Mel's cookie ray!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Of course it hurts!!! Why do you think I'm treating it so gingerly?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
While it sprinkled outside on the street,
The young gingerbread man asked, “My sweet,
I have mint to inquire.
What’s raisin your ire?
What’s driving you nuts, has you beat?”
"You know, Sugar,” she said with a frown,
There are days where the chips are so down.
I have seen butter days.”
She eggs-plained in a daze.
“It’s so bad that I feel like a clown.”
Soda young man went out in the shower,
And he gingerly gave her a flour.
“You’re the cream of the crop.
Honey, you’re at the top
Of my list. Let’s get married this hour!”
To the chapel the two of them fled
And before long they soon became wed.
They have kids now, they write.
Now they spend half the night
Tucking teddy grahams into their beds.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I've had it with you, you ogre! Why don't you just move to a land far far away!!!
I'm sorry... I've been seeing the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good week (well, two weeks, actually) this week. First, a friend from church put in a caption featuring me:
Ken Sheldon has a limerick movie?
Tom Conally, Elon
Second, I made the paper as a runner up. In all, all four captions made the top of the blog, with the runner-up also getting counted as a best cultural reference .
RUNNERS-UP
It just won’t work between us. You’re on Team Edward and I’m on Team Jacob.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
There's a new one coming out about a deer battling a South African soccer fan. It's called "Bambi meets Vuvuzela."
It just won’t work between us. You’re on Team Edward and I’m on Team Jacob.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I wonder when "Brewster Rockit: The Movie"
is going to be out.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Me too.
Well, this week's "Joke's On You" blog hasn't been posted yet, so let's go see "Toy Story 3" instead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
But it’s always worth the wait.
BEST POEM
The way sequels are made on a spree,
There’s some film makers who would agree
In the future they oughter
Produce “Harry Potter
Enrolls in the AARP”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The limerick got mentioned in the paper this week - an epic about the famous exploding whale in Oregon back in 1970. Three out of six captions made the top of the blog.
BIBLE LESSON FOR TODAY
Since some of you (I won’t point anyone out) didn’t even get JONAH’s name right.)
OK…he's on a boat between Joppa and Tarshish…needs to be in Nineveh…named Jonah. Got it, Boss.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(On the July
15, 2010 episode on Jeopardy! they had a category called "Jonah's
Druthers" My research for this caption allowed me to know the answer to the
$1000 question.)
BEST WORST PUN
We're all getting Apple's new phone. We want to be known as the iPod.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
C’mon, dear. Stop blubbering!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
It’s true! People actually pay good money to go on boats to watch us blow snot on them!
Trust me, Mr. Carvel! An ice cream cake that looks like me! Kids'll LOVE it!!!
The old guy, the cat and the goldfish were okay. The kid kinda tasted like a two-by-four.
The Limerick |
|
Once a whale his buddies
call Harry Had a story he called
really scary. So he called his friend
Fred ‘Bout this whale found
dead As related to writer Dave
Barry. |
|
On the beach, the beast
started to reek. “Let’s destroy it!”
the residents shriek. Engineers all said, “Wow! We must do it, but how?” They would use a most novel
technique. |
|
They employed all their
knowledge and wits And they dug in the sand,
making pits. TNT weighing one Thousand pounds, half a ton Filled the holes. They
would blow it to bits. |
|
People gathered from miles
around. To the whale, they came to
surround, Both the swab and land
lubber. “The blast blasted
blubber Beyond all believable
bounds.” |
|
All the spectators shouted,
“Oh, my! Stinky whale, we bid you
‘good-bye!’” But their faces turned
white And their glee turned to
fright As the blubber fell out of
the sky. |
|
People said it’s a scene
so bizarre. Whale pieces were blasted
afar. They were spread far and
wide. Some fell into the tide. A big chunk smashed the roof of a car |
|
Yes, this story is ever, so
true. Engineers took this under
review. Should a whale once more Get washed up on their
shore, They will surely know what
not to do. |
|
Want
to watch the video? Check it out at http://www.perp.com/whale/ |