Had a so-so week - three out of seven captions made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
We have obtained a picture of Toucan Sam after his beak job and feather lightening.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Shocking news from Sesame Street: After almost 40 years, Big Bird has finally admitted that Snuffleupagus is his imaginary friend.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
We’d show you our report on how photographers can reverse a picture of an eagle, but, as you know, we can’t broadcast someone flipping the bird.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
In a city the birds know as Flanders,
The police-birds and all their commanders
Have an APB out.
There’s a killer about
And he goes by the name Colonel Sanders.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
After the break, migration traffic with our new correspondent, Jennie Stencel.
In sports, we have the results of the car soiling competition over at Lil' Donnie Walker's Car Wash.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Jennie Stencel is a recently retired traffic reporter at
WXII)
This is a picture of the alleged perpetrator. Let's face it. That's not much help, since we all look the same.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Today in Elon, another robin family is left homeless after their nest is removed from Ken Sheldon's grape vines.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (This one is completely true!)
It's amazing how sometimes you fret over a caption to get something to work right, and others it comes easily. The winning caption is the first one I submitted for this cartoon, and the first submitted for the whole contest. All in all I did really well, with eight of nine captions making the top of the blog along with the limerick and a psychic that I just needed to put in.
WINNER
Are you the one who’s been pirating software?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
PSYCHIC ENTRY FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (which hasn’t been drawn yet)
Congratulations on just beating Nicolas Mahut, Mr. Isner. Oh, you have to play Thiemo De Bakker on court 3 in five minutes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon ( I needed to get this in a quickly as possible. This was
in reference to the John Isner/Nicolas Mahut
match at Wimbledon that Isner won 6-4, 3-6, 6-7 (7), 7-6 (3), 70-68. I needed to
put this into the contest, since Isner is originally from Greensboro. The match
ended at about 11:45AM Eastern Time on Thursday, and the contest deadline is
noon on Thursday.)
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Hey Steve! I saw you and your friends from Average Joe’s on “the Ocho” last night!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Beat Globo-Gym!
So, Steve, how’s the Captain Morgan photo shoot going?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You know, Captain Hook, the Darlings and I have moved on. I suggest you do likewise.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST FUNNY, BUT NOT SURE WHY CAPTIONS
Johnson, I'm afraid we have to let you go. However, we still need the parrot.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
Ms. Priss has filed a sexual harassment complaint against you. Did you call her a "Yo ho ho?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
We've got to get a new temp agency. A month ago they sent us four animals from the zoo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You missed the memo. Today is "Little Orphan Annie Eyes Day", not "Dress Like A Pirate Day."
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I am not sure how this qualifies as an inside joke -
unless they have "Dress Like A Pirate Day" at the News &
Record...)
BEST POEMS
Films on pirates rate “PG” by far
Even when Johnny Depp is their star.
With more fights in the trenches
And sexier wenches
Their ratings could soon become “ARRRRR.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm sorry, but your job's being outsourced to Somalia.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (My wife liked this one - it's the only one to NOT make the
top of the blog...)
Another good week, making the paper with a runner-up along with 3 out of 8 captions and the limerick making the top of the blog.
RUNNERS-UP
How can the answer to “Date of Birth” be complicated?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
I'm moving out, Uncle Herman. Around here I just feel so…so…different.
“The Munsters!” Nice!
Mr. Boyle and Miss Kahn, Mel would like to have you stay around to talk about a sequel.
The house is in a perfect location for you – right next to a fire station.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Because FIRE BAD!
BEST POEMS
“Mr. Frankenstein,” said Mrs. Schwab,
“I’m afraid that you’re out of a job.
There’s a much bigger fright
That keeps folks up all night.
It’s that British Petroleum Blob.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You want to sue Dr. Mel for naming his new creation "Frankencell?"
Sir, I'd appreciate it if you did more than answer every question with 'AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH.'
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Frankly, we think you are taking this "Casual Friday" thing a bit too far.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Do you know anything about that new monster that's invaded South Africa? You know, Vuvuzela?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This one was a little tougher - two of six made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
There's a lot of humans who are out to get us. Let's go after 'em. Look out for their bug spray. Remember…Let's be careful out there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The new book we will be reading is "Lord of the Humans" by William Goldbug.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
The bug teacher is really irate.
“Hey, you moths! You are constantly late!”
“It’s our instinct,” they say.
“We just can’t stay away
From that light outside room 28.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
All right, class! Who just told me to "Buzz off?!?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Now class, we don't call them "midges" any more. They're called "height-challenged flies."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Irving! There will be no dung eating in this classroom!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Your little "tack in the teacher's chair" trick didn't work. You forgot insects have exoskeletons.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm back in the paper again with a runner up. Three of six captions made the top of the blog along with the limerick, which again was featured in a larger font.
RUNNERS-UP
You want a little background? Okay… In the beginning God created the heavens and me…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
When I heard you’ve treated snakes and basketballs, I just had to give you a try.
That rogue satellite stopped all TV broadcasts. People started interacting with each other. Then all hell broke loose.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
It’s an issue that gets lots of ink:
“The world’s smaller,” a lot of folks think.
When they travel by flights
And use networking sites,
The last thing the world needs is a shrink.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Well, sometimes I get these feelings... like something's built up inside of me over time... then when they come to the surface, I just can't stop them.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (A kind of cryptic reference to the Gulf oil disaster and
the volcanoes in Iceland...)
I think I may be bipolar.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (A variation of this won this week. I checked in IE for the
count of the word "polar" and found 12 different captions referencing
bipolar or bi-polar.)
No, that's not another oil spill in the Mediterranean Sea, it's just my mouth.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This was one where I thought some of my captions were better than the ones I made the paper with before, but didn't. Shows that there are some good weeks for submissions and some not so good. The ones that did make the paper were good too, so I'm not complaining. Two of eight made the top of the blog along with the limerick, which included some twenty animal puns. Tim ran in a larger font than the rest of the entries. I do take that as a good sign...
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Things just haven’t been the same since Scar took over…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
That darned rogue TV satellite got us! I think we're
all characters on "The Animal Planet Office!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
“It’s a zoo here!” the zebra proclaimed.
“I can’t bear it!” the rhino exclaimed.
I’m not lion, of course!
I’ll complain ‘til I’m horse
That our boss is a weasel!” he claimed.
Then the elephant said, “I’m with ewe.
Hare’s the problem, and it’s nothing gnu.
While we work like a dog,
He lives high on the hog
So we otter all tell him, ‘Adieu!’”
The giraffe said, “It’s bull, but we can’t,
Or our goose is cooked over this rant.
Though it may be a croc,
Would it bee such a shock
If we’re moved to the Buffalo plant?
“We can’t duck all the jobs that we do.
So don’t monkey around, or we’re through!
It’s okay that we yak,
But we’ve goat to get back.
I will see you owl back here at two.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Good. Donkey's not here. Now we can talk about what Rush Limbaugh said on his show today.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
We may look funny drinking at a water cooler, but it sure beats getting munched on by a crocodile.
Let me tell you about the game I refereed last night.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, Ralph, a rhinoplasty is a nose job, not how you feel after a night of bar hopping.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
So, what's gnu?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I hear corporate's buying out a North American zoo and moving us all to Asheboro.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The streak is over, but I'm not surprised. Had a bear of a time coming up with the limerick. In all, four of six captions made the top of the blog.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Oilllllllllll can! Oilllllllllll can!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, Oz never did give nothing to me that I didn't already have. That's why I'm looking for it here.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
Where do you keep your marital aids? My wife and I need some WD-40.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I just got a message from the R.U. Sirius. Do you carry spleekazoids?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Said the Tin Man, “I think that it’s smart
That your suit is the state of the art.
I should have one like you
Then I won’t feel so blue.
For we both have a really weak heart.”
Said the Iron Man, “Your heart’s bestowed
Since your love for your friends clearly showed.
Your tin suit is the best
Since you helped pass the test
On your trip down the yellow brick road.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
You work in hardware? I thought you'd be in appliances selling irons!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, when L. Frank Baum wrote about me in 1900, I WAS "state of the art." Now you've got chain saws.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The streak is now at six. Three of eight captions made the top of the blog (one in two categories) along with the limerick
RUNNERS-UP
I used to work mailing rebate checks. Now I’m at the DMV.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Don’t believe everything you read in the paper. Turtles are reptiles, not amphibians.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
(A reference to a mistake in a recent B.C. cartoon.)
BEST/WORST PUN
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling sluggish.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
“I am sure that I really can’t fail!”
Thought the tortoise. “I’m sure I’ll prevail!
It was quite an affair
When I took on the hare,
So this time I’ll be racing a snail!”
But the racing soon had to be halted.
A dropped pretzel was soon what was faulted.
When the snail went by
It became oh, so dry
And then died just by being a-salted.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
VOTE GETTERS (received at least one vote from our judges)
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling sluggish.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
Wanna race?
Well, there was this shortcut the hare didn't know about.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
It'll never work out. Your place is just too small for the two of us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
So, what's it like working for the Post Office?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm sorry for snapping at you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The streak is now five in a row - this idea of the cartoon was to come up with a greeting card type a dog would send, Instead of a limerick, this week I sent in four verses.
RUNNERS-UP
Master Returns Home - AGAIN!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
New Love: Human’s Leg
New Wife’s a Bitch
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Graduation
from Obedience School
You have learned just how
to sit,
To heel, fetch and speak.
Though long ago, you once were fierce,
Today, they’ve made you meek.
There’s one task we’d
all like to do
That’s only done by man.
No dog’s been taught the way to get
The Alpo from the can.
Bit Your
First Mailman
For months, you fought the
feeling
And you didn’t have the nerve.
You finally bit the postman.
His respect, you now deserve.
But today, there’s one
detail
That we sure cannot deny.
Folks are sending more email.
Could the Postal Service die?
So we canines have to
branch out
Should we lose that postal guy.
Someday soon, we may start targeting
The Geek Squad from Best Buy.
Sympathy:
Neighbor’s Cat (humorous)
Violets are blue,
Hydrants are red,
Sorry to hear
You found your cat dead.
I know that you hurt.
It’s breaking your heart.
To dogs all around
It’s called a good start.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Get
Well Soon
I
heard that you’ve been feeling down
And
that you’re quite dismayed.
Your
master took you to the vet
So
he could get you spayed.
They
have a phrase they use so much,
A
term so often spoken.
The
humans call it “Getting Fixed”
When
we’re not even broken.
Other Entries
Sympathy: Neighbor’s Cat (humorous)
Graduation from Obedience School
Finally Paper Trained
Congratulations: Master’s New Can Opener
Congratulations: Bit First Mailman
Sorry Life’s Been Ruff
Congratulations: Freed from Pound
Get Timmy Out Of The Well Soon
Getting a New Leash On Life
Ken Sheldon, Elon
The streak is still alive - made the paper for the fourth week in a row! In all, three of four made the top of the blog, and the limerick got mentioned in the Inside Joke section as well.
RUNNERS-UP
I don’t think telling Junior to “Go out into the world” was a good idea.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
None this week that I saw. Except Ken S’s poem – see below.
BEST/WORST PUN
Ya know, Tex, we could sell 'im. I've heard that there's gold in them thar gills!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Bill the Fish left the bowl on a dare.
Now he’s doomed since he can’t breathe the air.
All the rest know it’s grim
If they acted like him,
So they’re leaving their brother right there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Sigh. Rub it in (Ken was insired by the incorrect “their” in a Brewster Rockit cartoon this week.)
VOTE GETTERS (received at least one vote from our judges)
Well, it was your idea to send Junior out for pizza so we could mess around!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
I guess I shouldn't have told him about how salmon
swim hundreds of miles upstream just to spawn.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Made the paper for the third time in a row, this time, with one of my weaker captions. Three of seven made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
.
RUNNERS-UP
Oh, I still get around.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Well, for 50 years, I was a model for Charles Schulz.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
So, Brewster, when do you think Rickard's going to get off his cubism kick?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Said the ball to the blocks, “It’s so cruel!
Although being a toy can be cool,
There’s one thing, that’s for sure.
We all have to endure
An occasional coating of drool!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entries
I'm sorry, Red. I'm just not into square dancing.
I agree. My yellow cousin smiles just a little too much.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'd like you to meet my cousin from Greece, Isosceles.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don't like cake. I'm more into pi.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Made the paper for the second week in a row. In all, three of four made the top of the blog along with the limerick.
RUNNERS-UP
My favorite dinner! There must be a catch…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Well, it beats two-week-old Easter Eggs.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Something looks fishy about dinner, Barb. Can't you sea it?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
Fred and Frieda Fish lived in a brook.
And that Frieda, she sure loved to cook.
But a barbecued worm
That she served made him squirm.
On its tail was a line with a hook.
“I can see it all clearly!” cried Fred.
“There’s another fish you love instead!
So if you had your way,
I’m the Catch of the Day?
You would rather that I should be dead?”
“It is not of my fin,” Frieda stated.
“I still love you! I’m glad we’re related!”
With the help of Fred’s knife,
All is well with his wife
Since the hook from above was de-bait-ed.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Other Entry
Are we running out of spaghetti?
Ken Sheldon, Elon