Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

Cartoon from June 26, 2009

I don't know if they had someone else classifying these this week, but some categories seemed to be missing, and a caption or two I targeted for those didn't wind up where I expected. 3 captions of  9 made the top along with my limerick (which I forgot to put my name on...)

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS 
I think I want that ceiling fan about three feet closer to the window.
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Don’t you find it odd that Superman would catch criminals while wearing an “S” cape?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I was going for the Best/Worst Pun category with this one.)

BEST INSIDE JOKE
A couple years ago, it was just I-85. Last year, it was I-85 and I-40 with a little bit of I-73 . Now it’s just I-85 and I-73. No wonder the GPS exploded.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (This one was labeled as a psychic entry. It had nothing to do with the picture, which was the way it worked. It refers to the Greensboro Urban Loop.)

BEST POEM
It’s amazing! Come see what I mean!
It’s the darndest thing I’ve ever seen!
Ten feet down! It’s no lie!
There’s a tunnel dug by
Colonel Hogan from Stalag 13!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries
Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (there were four others with this or something similar)

I would have dug farther, but I think I ran into Jimmy Hoffa.
Ken Sheldon, Elon 

I'm hoping that someday they'll finish installing the toilet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I've seen Mythbusters too, but using salsa or dental floss just seems too darned slow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Maybe targeting Obscure Cultural Reference)

I'm putting in a Jacuzzi.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I'll say that iPhone Eject Button app is powerful! It shot you through both my floor and ceiling!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Targeting the inside joke category - the iPhone Eject Button app is referred to in the Brewster Rockit comic strip on June 28)


Cartoon from June 12-19, 2009

There are times that I get a caption that I think will do real well, and it gets bupkis while one I consider to be weak gets votes. That happened this week. (Well, two weeks - Tim went on vacation again this week, so the contest ran for two weeks) . One Psychic Caption, four our of eight regular captions and the limerick made the top of the blog.


PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
OK, Mrs. Ross. Let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Boy, is it hazy in here! I can’t even see the whole banner!
I would have had some of the cake, but the Observers stole all the forks.

Ken Sheldon, Elon (Brewster Rockit reference - characters called the Observers finished a string of days leaving after observing the crew, stealing the space station's silverware in the process.)
 
I know. Professor Rickard usually makes it every year, but his year he took a staycation instead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
We used briefcases. I know it’s zany.
It looked strange, but we’re really quite brainy.
When we toted a pack
It looked like it came back
From a hunting trip lead by Dick Cheney.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
I hated High School. The other kids needled me a lot.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Other Entries

What's your point?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

No, I guess we never did get over that spiked hair style.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I used to hate it when the class bully would stick me to the corkboard.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (This is the one I liked the most. I don't understand why a caption sometimes doesn't make the top of the list. I considered this much stronger than the vote-getting caption above.)

Yeah, I work for Quill. You do too? Along with Shelley? And Patrick? And Phillip? And Tim?...
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Blatant shout out to my family (wife and two sons) and Tim Rickard)


Cartoon from June 5, 2009

Sometimes, you get a cartoon, and you wonder if you're ever going to come up with anything. Then the brain goes into some unknown gear, and stuff starts coming. That's what happened this week. 

And the results were quite good. When I opened the paper to check out the results, I didn't see any of my captions. Then, I went back and checked out the commentary:

For those of you who read this in the newspaper only, here’s the “Best Inside Joke” from the blog (where the art is in color): 
I was just thinking how many color jokes are going to flop because the newspaper prints us in black and white… 
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ken, as usual, is also headlining this week’s poetry corner on the blog with his usual inspired prose. Joining him are guests Bob and Nancy. Following the poetry readings, there will wine and cheese served on the veranda.

Now if they could get the blog link on the paper's web site to actually take you to the proper page so you could read all the entries, that would really be cool...

I put in 10 captions, the usual limerick and my first psychic entry (a new category for captions sent in before the next cartoon for the next cartoon is printed.)  Four regular captions, the psychic caption along with the aforementioned limerick made the top of the blog.

PSYCHIC ENTRIES (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
Well, either it’s snowing down at WGHP or we forgot to get that converter box.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE

No, the cartoon a few weeks ago was about spiders, not Jeanette Lee.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Professional pool fans will tell you that Jeanette Lee in known as "The Black Widow")
 

BEST/WORST PUN

Am I der sechs ball? NEIN!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (My one year of college German finally pays off!!!)

 

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I was just thinking how many color jokes are going to flop because the newspaper prints us in black and white…
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I entered this after I entered the "well red" joke below.)

 

BEST POEM
Sue’s a billiard nut. It’s understood.
All her gear is kept just like it should.
Every bridge, cue and ball’s
Neatly stored on the wall
In a case of the finest of wood.
 
But the neighborhood carpenter Zach
Said, “I went there a week or two back.
When I looked ‘round the place,
I got slapped in the face
When I told her she had a nice rack.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I had the idea for this quite early - I told my wife Friday night that it had to be two verses, the first setting up the cabinet, and the second culminating in the "Nice Rack" line. I just didn't get it where I wanted until Tuesday night.

You will notice that my limericks may have finally caught on - not only did Tim Rickard mention it in his write up, but there were two other limericks submitted as well. 

 

OTHER CAPTION VOTE GETTERS

That cue ball’s so lucky. He gets all the breaks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

That white ball must be a terrible actor. He always needs to be cued.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

When I give you an order, you will obey it! I'm the one with the stripes!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 

The others think I'm worth more when I stand on my head. What do you think?

I hear you're the brain of the bunch because you're so well red.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

 

Go ask the 8-ball. He knows all the answers.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
That dog in the suit? He used to play poker until his boss caught him trying to call in sick.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Going for another inside joke reference - this was in reference to my poker caption for the May 22nd cartoon.)

Cartoon from May 29, 2009

This week's was a little different than usual, and I didn't really pick up on what was going on. Tim wanted captions for what was written on the box, and I wrote reactions to what was written on the box. I will know next time that to use the kind of humor seen in the Top Five lists that I subscribe to, maybe trying to make puns and references to existing things. In the famous words of one Homer Simpson: "D'oh!" 

However, of the five captions and one limerick I sent in, I did get commentary on two of the captions along with the rhyme.

BEST POEM
Eating breakfast, I heard the croc utter,
"These ingredients make my heart flutter!
Right there! After the bran,
It contains Peter Pan!
I'm mistaken. It's just peanut butter."

Ken Sheldon, Elon
Another masterpiece

Other Entries

Hope they never stop running those "Lost" ads for Steve Irwin.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

It is "Gnu and Improved!" The gnu tastes much fresher than before!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
There’s a good idea here. Maybe just the first part? (If I had actually followed what he was asking for...)

Hmm... For only 19.99 and five boxtops, I can a pair of human shoes.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I'm so disappointed. Cap'n Crunch doesn't taste anything like Cap'n Hook.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Now, with more spleen." That reminds me... I've got to check out today's comics.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
By all means. They’re not just for breakfast anymore (In Brewser Rockit, when ever Winky gets injured, he is known to cry "Ah! My spleen!" Yes, I was going for the inside joke category.)


Cartoon from May 22, 2009

Even though I didn't make the paper, I had a good week. Five of my seven captions in the top of the blog along with the limerick.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
So it was YOU who modeled for the “Two Guys Named Chris” logo!
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Here's a link to their page...)

BEST/WORST PUN
I know how you feel. Things are ruff all over.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
What do you mean Dr. Tribbett’s no longer a part of our HMO?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Dr. Tribbett's the famous Tim Tribbett, Greensboro veternarian and uber-contributor to "The Joke's on You")

BEST POEM
Since the dog board was missing its aim,
They were looking for someone to blame
When a brown cocker spaniel
They know as Ol’ Daniel
Had lowered his head down in shame.

His confession was quite an eye-popper.
“Yes, it’s I who’s the corp’rate show stopper.
I let Yogi and Babe
Both get hired away.
Now they work for our city’s Grasshoppers.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon (the Greensboro Grasshoppers are the Class A minor league baseball team. Miss Babe Ruth and younger brother Yogi Berra are team mascots)

OTHER TOP CAPTIONS
For that slip-up, you are no longer allowed to use the executive hydrant!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

You called in sick last week, but we have pictures of you playing poker.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

When we said we wanted Charles Barkley, we meant the basketball player, not your brother-in-law!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Yes, Yogi, I know everyone does it. Just not in center field.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Again, referencing the Hoppers. Here is a video from YouTube where Yogi Berra does it. In center field. The first 40 seconds or so are still, so don't get discouraged...)

 


Cartoon from May 15, 2009

Three captions - one made the top section along with the limerick (along with a kudo on the rhyme!)

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I don’t want to hear “The Cat in the Hat.” It reminds me of the Meow Mix jingle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (In "Brewster Rockit" early this week, crew members were infected with the Meow Mix jingle being stuck in their heads.)

BEST POEM
I like stories! I want to hear more
About webs and the like I adore.
The most popular yet’s
Where the whole internet
Was invented by V.P. Al Gore.

Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ken, your limericks kick a**!!

Other Entries

You know, Mom? I'd say that Little Miss Muffet's got some issues!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

When Charlotte wrote "SOME PIG" on her web, it made me hungry for some bacon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from May 8, 2009

Not bad again - two of three in the top section of the blog plus the limerick.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
You should speak more clearly. You told the mechanic you needed a booster rocket and got a comic strip instead?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (of course - targeting Tim Rickard's "Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!" strip)

BEST POEM
From Gazoo, Alf and Mork you can check
Where the aliens came from on deck.
From their color and ears
It confirms all my fears:
They’re more closely related to Shrek.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

OTHER TOP CAPTIONS
These all received at least one vote from the judges.
That’s the last time we visit the Jetsons! I saw you making eye at Rosie!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other entry:

You never say MY cooking's 'Out of this world!!!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from May 1, 2009

Got just about what I expected - sent in 5 captions and 1 limerick. Two captions made the top sections of the blog along with the limerick.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
After seeing those cows last week, you should be able to build your own car.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM

“Ah, my boy,” said the toy man Geppetto,
“I no longer date girls from the ghetto.
Turn about is fair play,
So could you build today
A girl shapely and tall in stilettos?”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

MATURE
The mohel isn’t available, so I’ll have to do the circumcision myself.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

When I say "Go make your bed", I mean "Go make your bed!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Yes, I set my toolbox on top of that cricket. So what???
Ken Sheldon, Elon

The next time I have to fix you after telling a lie, I'm going to start calling you Michael Jackson.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from April 24, 2009

Getting better - 3 captions, 1 limerick. mentioned as best obscure cultural reference and best poem. (Okay, again, it was the ONLY poem, but I take what I can get!!!)

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
They said something about King Arthur getting revenge on those guys in the French castle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
All the cattle are furious now,
Being milked and then served up as chow.
So while we were in slumber
They bought lots of lumber
And built an immense Trojan cow.

Then they parked it in front of BK
While inside there was hidden away
Twenty cows in the thing,
Who then beat up the King,
And then made it a new Chick-fil-A.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

I tried to tell them we have trucks to take the milk to the market, but they wouldn't listen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

They said it was some kind of corporate icon for bovine birth control products.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I thought I'd get something for the Mature category, but maybe I was not graphic enough...)


Cartoon from April 10 (and subsequently, April 17), 2009

2 Captions and one limerick - mentioned in best inside joke and best poem.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I think Rickard’s losing it. He FORGOT he was going on vacation?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (He forgot to mention he was going on vacation, so this week's contest lasted two weeks.)

BEST POEM
Both the hen and the bunny’s big race is
Getting eggs out to millions of places.
But their work over load
Makes them tend to explode,
So they wind up as two basket cases.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
I don't care if your name is Cadbury, we're still not related!
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from April 3, 2009

2 Captions and 1 Limerick - Mentioned in the best poem and inside joke,

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Funny – they had numbers in the paper. I wonder where they went to on the blog.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (The mimes had numbers when the cartoon was printed in the News & Record - the picture's below)
Sigh. You too, Ken?

BEST POEM
“He’s the one,” said the woman once chased.
“You should throw him in jail post haste.”
“I think no one should go,”
Stated Marcel Marceau,
“For a mime is a bad thing to waste.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry
Now, ma'am. Which one held you prisoner in that invisible box?
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I had a hunch there would be a lot like this one and didn't give it much of a chance...)