Greensboro, NC News & Record "The Joke's On You" Contest

January - March, 2009

Cartoon from March 27, 2009

I wasn't too inspired by this week's cartoon - only one caption and one limerick, but they both got mentions on the web site. (I am not one of those who send in dozens of captions hoping one or two will stick. I have to feel pretty good about my entry before sending it in...)

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Can you do Anthony Edwards in “Top Gun?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
Said the goose, with the highest of candor,
“I’m in love with a prize of a gander!”
So she put out her wing
And endured lots of sting
As an artist proceeded to brand her.

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from March 20, 2009

Took it easy this week. Two captions, one limerick. The limerick got best poem.

BEST POEM
Every year folks are getting their kicks
For March Madness with bracketed picks.
There are also the dreams
Of the NIT teams
Fighting over who’s ranked sixty-sixth.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

It all started when they told me K-R-Z-Y-Z-E-W-S-K-I is pronounced Shu-zhev-ski. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I keep having the same dream: A tall basketball player from Phoenix keeps singing "Love Shaq."
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from March 13, 2009

I was kinda going for inside jokes and poems and did well - three of my five entries hit inside jokes and the limerick was the only poem.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
And Dr. Tribbett takes some more good-natured ribbing from his contemporaries. Don't worry, Dr. Tribbett can take it. But be careful, he can also dish it out (just ask Ty)
For goodness sake, Tribbett, you’ve got enough entries! Just hit “Send!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon (He does send in a LOT of entries)

No, Tim. Those entries didn’t get slightly burned votes, they just got one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (The story about this one is that it is not about Tim Tribbett, but rather Tim Rickard, the cartoonist. In last week's blog, for the heading for those entries that got just one vote from the judges, instead of putting in SINGLE VOTES, the blog read SINGE VOTES. I don't know if Tim R thought this was about him or not...)

Face it... Cupid’s not going to reply to your email from last month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
In the spring, it is everyone’s onus
To pay taxes with minimum slowness.
Though we maybe use Quicken,
It just serves to sicken
Us, funding an AIG bonus.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

When he dozes off, I'll make his Facebook profile say he's a fan of "Barney and Friends."
Hey, pal! Start surfing to my computer sites instead of your porn, and maybe I'll run faster!

Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from March 6, 2009

This week's was one that didn't inspire me too much. I sent in two captions and the limerick and only got mentioned for Best Poem.

BEST POEM
These two leprechauns checked in their pottery.
With financial conditions so tottery.
Their retirement fund
Disappeared! They were stunned!
Now their plan is the Powerball lottery.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

Yeah, we CEO's will do anything to get at that bailout money!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

It happens every time! Leave the kids alone with the cereal and they take all the marshmallows!
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from February 27, 2009

This week I got mentions on the web site  for inside joke and best poem. Sent in three captions and a limerick.

BEST INSIDE JOKE

I don’t mind it, but only if I’m being used to draw “Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Woo-Hoo!

("Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!" is a comic strip written by Tim Rickard) 

BEST POEM
The two pencils were just walking by
When a sharp’ner they happened to spy.
One said, “Writing a letter,
What aid could be better?”
He got back a pointed reply.

“Yes, a sharpener’s great, that is true
When in need of a lead that is new.
What would really be nice
Is a snazzy device
That would give an eraser shampoo.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

You don't want to see what's in the bottom of that thing. Totally disgusting!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
nice

She's every pencil's dream, though she is rather cranky.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (Going for the worst pun class here...)


Caption from February 20, 2009

This week's contest was backwards - the artist gave us three possible captions and we were to come up with the picture. The captions were:

"There goes the neighborhood."

"Come here often?"

"Take two aspirin and call me in the morning."

I chose the second, and used my interest in baseball for the following:

My picture made the paper as one of the few getting votes. They got 54 entries and Tim made a slide show out of them. Click here to see it. (Mine is number 31)


Cartoon from February 13, 2009

Got a runner up and best poem this week. Sent in four entries and the usual limerick.

RUNNERS-UP
No, Mr. Spitzer. We don’t offer that kind of service.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

A little side story - I am originally from New York state, having moved to North Carolina in 2003, so I do keep some tabs on what is happening up north. As I mention below, I listen to Rock 92, a Greensboro classic rock station. This station used to have a feature called "The Random Block at Six O'Clock" where listeners would send in ideas for music blocks with a common theme. When this whole scandal with Eliot "Client #9" Spitzer happened last year, I sent in the entry "In honor of the soon-to-be-former governor of New York, songs by artists with the name 'John.'" Ronnie Alexander, the DJ during that air time, called me personally, saying that she loved that entry and said that is was so appropriate and timely that they would run it that night. 

BEST POEM
Although love's a great thing, tried and true,
The divorce rate is now one in two.
Now I know it sounds stupid,
That happens when Cupid's
The grandson of Mr. Magoo.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

No, Mr. Clinton. Cupidco does not give quantity discounts.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Hello. Acme Arrow Company? These new arrows aren't sticking like they used to.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

OK.. let's see: likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain. Have you tried an ad in the Times News?
No …
OK.. let's see: likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain. Have you tried an ad in the News Record?
That’s better.
Ken Sheldon, Elon  (I thought this one was so good that I sent it in originally with the name of the Burlington, NC newspaper instead of Greensboro. Two minutes later I made the correction shown. I re-sent it later in the day with the ampersand added, but this didn't get put in the blog. Must be that the staff at the News & Record do not remember the Pina Colada song...)


Cartoon from February 6, 2009

I didn't get really inspired by this week's cartoon. Of course there were many Monopoly places to go with this one, and I like to avoid them to give myself a better chance. Sent in 3 captions and the usual limerick - two mentioned at the top of the web page.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE

All this for obeying three straight “Speed Limit 55” signs?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
… think about it …

BEST POEM
There’s a Ponzi-scheme runner named Madoff
Who left lots of investors un-paid-off.
They should haul him to jail
And revoke any bail.
Then we’ll see just what Madoff is made of.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

Don't worry - I'm just training for the annual police department drag race.
Ken Sheldon, Elon (I would have thought I would have got some pun mention for this one...)

Just be glad the DA's not Mike Nifong.

Ken Sheldon, Elon 


Cartoon from January 30, 2009

The streak's over, but I still got a few in the top part of the list. The winner was a good angle I didn't even think of. Sent in 5 captions and a limerick, with 3 making the top list.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
If you’re going to play with Chris Kelly and John Elway, you’d better hurry. Kelly’s going to wake up soon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Even I don’t get this one.

Chris Kelly is a half of the "Two Guys Named Chris" morning show team on radio Rock 92 in Greensboro. He's a big John Elway / Denver Broncos fan. I figured him tossing a football with his hero would be one of his dreams...

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Our son’s heartbroken… He didn’t get accepted at UNCG.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good one.

The University of North Carolina at Greensboro has no football team.

BEST POEM
Playing football whenever he’d like
Caused the missus to go out on strike.
She won’t take any more!
When they met at the door,
She advised him to go take a hike.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

Go have a talk with your son! He's got posters of Kobe Bryant and LeBron James in his room!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I don't like Junior hanging around the exchange students. They keep talking about David Beckham, whoever that is...
Ken Sheldon, Elon

When are you and Lucy going to quit playing tricks on that poor kid, Charlie Brown?
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from January 23, 2009

Guess what! Won another one! According to Tim, they have had only two or three back-to-back winners, so I'm feeling pretty good about going 2 for 4 so far. I sent in 4 captions and a limerick, and all but one made the top entries. 

WINNER
Is this Warner Brothers? I think I just passed your coyote.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Is this Warner Brothers? I think I just passed your coyote.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Bravo.

Hello. Is this Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger? ... Look, I’m in a situation and need your advice…
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST INSIDE JOKE
No, Mr. Rickard, I didn’t see those characters from January 8th up here. Should I try the city reservoir?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
In support of my wife who’s so cute,
I attempted her high-risk pursuit.
But the pack that she sent
Wound up holding a tent.
When I called her, she cried out, “Oh, Chute!”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entries

Hello. Acme Mattress Company? Can I rent about a thousand king-size in the next five minutes?
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from January 16, 2009

I was fortunate enough to win this week! I sent in 5 captions and my first limerick (big surprise there, huh?) since I noticed they recognized poems in the on-line write up.

WINNER
So there I was, stuck in the sofa with nothing to eat but stale cheese puffs…
Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST POEM
With martinis they’re looking so slick.
There’s an issue that cuts to the quick.
There’s a question because
Hitting each other’s “Pause”
Does not qualify them as a clique.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Other Entry List:

You mean that there are women too? I never see much of them.
Trust me. Hiding under the magazine rack just drives them CRAZY!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Nice ones.

Well, my son is interning at Mattel in the RC Automotive division.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Sometimes, I just feel like a VCR in a Tivo world.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon from January 8, 2009

I only made a couple entries for this one, and got a mention on the website for one entry. I went the pun route this week since I figured flake and drip jokes would be plentiful.

MATURE
My ideal girl has to have enough hydrogen. To me, anything less is just a HO.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Bah-dum-dah!

Other Entry

Even if we don't win the race, we still get an award for precipitation.
Ken Sheldon, Elon


Cartoon for December 24, 2008

This was my first entry - made one submission and I got runner up.

RUNNERS-UP

Yup. Me too. Fired and replaced by someone a lot younger with a lot less experience.
Ken Sheldon, Elon