December 16, 2016 - The O2BIrish Christmas Special

Hail to the Ch(i)ef
By O2BIrish

‘Twas the night before Christmas in twenty sixteen,
A really strange year. One might call it obscene.
There’s some who would say that this year went too fast,
While some think it crawled when they look at the past.

The news every day made us mutter, “Oh, brother!”
There’s one who’ll remember this year like no other.
This person endured a huge November loss.
This person? Our very own friend, JIM THE BOSS.

Last year, as he watched Donald Trump on TV
As he ran for the White House, JIM thought, “Why not me?”
His organization he set up so well.
A new email account he put on AOL.

He traveled the country, to east and to west,
He held all those rallies, those crowds he addressed.
While Trump was out filling each venue he sees,
JIM held his at Wendy’s and in KFC’s.

JIM spoke to the diners, well, those who would listen.
Like Trump, there were groups that the BOSS would start dissin’.
The Cub Scouts, the Brownies, the Salvation Army,
“I can’t stand those bells!” JIM would say in tones smarmy.

Kiss babies? A campaign rite JIM would soon dread.
He said he would rather kiss mommies instead.
His campaign went on, and so did his attacks.
His credit cards, each one was spent to the max.

November arrived, and so did the election.
‘Twas time for the voters to make their selection.
But the instant that JIM went to go cast his vote,
The words that JIM shouted, I really can’t quote.

For checking his ballot, just what did JIM find?
There’s Clinton and Trump. There was Johnson and Stein.
He checked out the names. Yes, he looked all around.
The name “JIM THE BOSS?” It just couldn’t be found!

At that moment the truth hit ol’ JIM like a mallet.
It seems JIM neglected to get onto the ballot.
So JIM slunk away for the truth hit him hard.
He had to find some way to pay off those cards.

He started a GoFundMe page as a start.
He thought, “Surely someone out there has a heart…”
But after a month, what was in the account?
A GoFundMe record: a minus amount!

“I still need that cash!“ I heard JIM THE BOSS sob.
“At Big Edna’s Burger World I’ll get a job.”
So JIM’s now the fry guy, he soon was the best.
His fries’ reputation had sure passed the test.

Since his fries rated “A” while the others ranked “F”,
Big Edna would say to him, “Hail to the Chef.”
His email account, after final exam?
They found it had nothing but phishing and spam.

As long as JIM stays far away from his beers,
His cards he’ll pay off in some forty nine years.
A lesson he’d learn just like Rosie O’Donnell:
It’s really quite hard to out-Donald the Donald.

I’m ending my tale of the year that JIM had.
Here’s hoping your year didn’t go quite so bad.
And here’s to a great twenty seventeen ‘cause
Not one of us wants to end up like THE BOSS.

Happy/Merry/Joyous insert your holiday here and a Happy New Year from O2BIrish